Thistle

Today yes. Happiness is something that floats through my life. It knits it together most days. My sanity is robbed on a regular basis by severe bi-polar. So when I’m not cycling as a hot air balloon or a falling brick from a building I take measure in the happiness that I have built over the years. I have taught myself to forget the bad. It has no added value. Bad things happen to everyone, me, you, the elderly man I hand apples and bananas to from the window of my car a few times a month. Sadness and grief have no added value in my life any longer. It is a state of being I push through so as to find the joy again. I savor the happiness and joy, stash it in my emotional safety deposit box so when the cycle starts again I have some measure of goodness to draw on. I can’t change who I am, or the mental illness I have, but I can change how I react to it. Be pro-active regarding it. So today? Today I woke up normal. So few days I wake up normal. I cherish days like this.

I’m not looking forward to cycling again. I will. It is inevitable. Instead of dreading what is inevitable I will instead savor this moment in time. Chew it and swallow it as the best meal this year. Soon, perhaps even tomorrow, this meal will be taken and I will dine on sand and hot wind. But today? Yes today I am happy, the meal is before me and I sit down quietly to this feast of happiness.