I am a 14 year old guy. My boyfriend is suicidal. My other friend is suicidal. One of my boyfriend’s persons tries to cause me pain on purpose and has no empathy. One of my other boyfriend’s personalities has toyed with me for a long time. He only causes pain. Both of them know everything about me, because they are my boyfriend. They take advantage of me. Then when I come to his other persons for help, I just hurt him and make him feel bad for not being in control. It’s not his fault. He is in worse pain than I am. All I do is cause people pain and feel pain. But it’s not real pain. It feels muffled. I yearn for more. If I get more then maybe I feel be able to feel. Cutting makes me feel. But it hurts my boyfriend because he doesn’t want me to turn out like him. My pain will never end. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help him. I can’t help me. He can’t help him. He can’t help me. I attempted suicide many times. It didn’t work. I was too ***** to drink enough poison. I don’t know how to end. All the music I used to make myself happy now makes me sob. I don’t know what to do. How do I end my pain. And to think I used to be the happiest person.
Why am I still alive
3 comments
Hey!
I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in finding myself in that dark place. I find that it actually happens more often than not. But I’m learning to cope with my feelings and just knowing I’m working on myself gives me a reason to find a quality in me that I can love which isn’t something I have done in a long time. My university offers therapy and a dbt group or behavioral therapy group. It has helped me so much, I’d look into seeing if there’s anything like that near you or I would absolutely love to share everything I’ve learned with you. It’s basically skills to use when you find yourself in distress very effectively.
The pain goes away with time and work, don’t give up but instead look forward to the future. Its easy to find reasons to continue when you can imagine the place you want to be later in life. Dreams, aspirations and goals, things like that.
Know that it ALWAYS works out in the end. Hell, I remember having these feeling back when I was 14, and here I am now at 21. Trust me, the feelings stick for awhile, I still cry every New Years already regretting the year ahead but I still persevere! Pain is only temporary, remember that!
Good Luck!
If your boyfriend has multiple personalities and they’re hurting you, get out. He knows about the problem, he should be taking medication for it. If he has no control and he’s hurting you, then you need to get out. That’s probably part of why you’re depressed.
If I get out, he will die. That is just more pain. I still need him to help me, because 3/5 of him are helpful. He is is only person that I can talk to face to face that completely understands me, because he has been through everything with me. Maybe I’m just being a teenager that doesn’t want change though