Anybody else on here really bitter? I am.
The past 4 years now I’ve slowly but surely hardened and turned into this bitter person. I can feel it in my bones and my blood, how it’s there and it’s heavy. Somehow I’ve managed to cover it up with a sort of ‘normal’ persona, but I know how I am. It’s lurking in the depths of me, staying hidden for others to notice. But it’s there and I’m used to it now.
I have lost the ability to give any fucks about 99% of everyone I know. Of course my mother and father, family and friends are precious to me. But the rest? I wouldn’t care if they died tomorrow. Or got hurt. Or broke their leg or went missing.
Someone I know has cancer and will probably die within the next months. I do not fucking care, like legit not. There is not a bone in my body, not even a cell, that feels empathy for her or her loved ones. My uncle died of cancer a year ago and I didn’t even mind. Well sure, it wasn’t fun or anything, but I was perfectly fine with it. He was 60 years old, had a good life, then got sick and died. Worse ways to live a life than that. Same with my grandparents. Died over a year ago, a few months apart. I didn’t cry, not even a single tear fell from my eyes. I just sat there and didn’t care. They were old, almost 90. They lived for so long. Had so much joy, as well as pain. I can’t feel bad for it.
Or people on the news, in wars or in mass shootings or terror attacks. I don’t care, it does nothing to me. It doesn’t move my emotion or make me sad or even make me blink. And it’s not so much that I don’t want to care, I just can’t.
For the life of me, I cannot do it. The world has turned me this bitter, my life has made me this cold. I’m only 18 years old, yet this is me. Not young and vibrant, rather cold and bitter as fuck. Hooray for being a human fucking being.
1 comment
I always feel like i should care more about people than i do. I am like you though i only really care about the people that actually have some positive effect on my life. I mean there are 7 billion people in the world, 150,000 people die every single day. That is almost 2 people dying every second of every day. Ok maybe 100 people die in a bombing or a plane crash or whatever, i mean that does suck. It is still just a tiny fraction of the number of people that will die that day though. It is impossible to actually care about it all. Hundreds of people died just in the couple of minutes i was writing this.