Well I met this girl a couple weeks ago. She’s pretty damn great let me tell you. Her eyes make me wonder why brown eyes ever got the reputation of being ugly in the first place. She’s got this smile that I don’t even know what I could possibly compare it to, oh and her dimples are so freaking cute. It’s actually really hard to put into words exactly how amazing I think she is. No one has ever made me feel so much joy that I completely forgot all about depression and don a stupid smile just simply by smiling at me but that’s all she has to do, smile, and I’m gone. Anyways, she decided one day to tell me how awful her life has been. I realized right then that I’ve live more of a lie then I even thought possible. My depression was never really founded upon anything, I always just felt the desire to die ever since grade 4 but I got busted trying to kill myself because I left my note in my pencil case and my teacher found it. After I got in trouble I decided to hide my feelings in a pandoras box of emotions. All these years since I’ve just been trying to find any sort of justification I could so I could end my life. Well now that you know that I’ll get to my point. Even though she has power over my depression it’s so chronic that if she doesn’t respond to a text or whatever it comes back and hits me like a truck, and then I wish an actual truck did hit me… It’s irrational though and I know it so I push through it. It feels like depression is a part of me, it’s a building block of my personality and maybe without it I would fall apart. So am I really ok? Have I actually found happiness? Tune in next time when our hero learns the answer to these questions, and more.
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Hey. Im going to try to give a small peice of advice. Dont make your happieness based on her. Yes its the honeymoon stage of a relationship. Things are giddy and go happy. But dont put the burden of your well being on another person. I did that. Not intentionally like you. But two years later she broke under the strain. She dumped me and iv never seen her worse than she is right now. Its alot for someone to handle. You need to ask yourself if you are happy because life is better now and you found a girl and you have a plan and you are capable of being your own person. If not you need to do some thinking about things. Just dont put your burden on someone elses shoulders. Relationships are 100 100. You both lean on each other. Make sure to hold her up too. Even if you are tired. Now that my rant is done. You may be chemically depressed. I may be as well. We dont really need a reason to be depressed. We can have a good day and out of no where at all we want to die. Chemical depression does not go away, ever. Its a part of your physical make up. Were just missing that little extra something that others have naturally. Thats my best guess. Its just a guess mind. If you really want to know, consult a doctor for some blood work and then if that dosnt doit go to a neurologist. They do all these brain scans. Its costly tho sadly. Insurance may cover it. I just suggest you take a moment to breathe and think.
Ok I really don’t want to come across as rude, but you kind of assumed that I’m using her as the backbone of my happiness, but honestly I can see why, I didn’t do an amazing job of making it seem otherwise. Really what I was trying to say is that just by existing she makes me feel happier but that’s not what I’m in this for, really it’s just more of a bonus. You said how a relationship is 100 100, and that’s what I want it to be and what I’m striving for. This was more a battle with my inner demons in an attempt to make myself a better me so that maybe I don’t have to have her in proximity to feel good, but I wouldn’t involve her in it, if I’m going to struggle I’ll do it several rooms away.
@PineBapple,
In fairness I don’t think Justnoonemuch was implying that you were leaning on your gf. He was using himself as an example of what to avoid doing because it could put a huge strain on your relationship and I personally thought his advice was very helpful and non-judgmental…just the way I read it.
Now to your original post-well brown eyes are the most common so they’re downplayed, but on the right girl, they can be stunning. My first serious gf had deep rich brown eyes that looked even better in the sunlight-gawd, I do miss her. Another gf was equally gorgeous/brown-eyed. I didn’t think much of it till you reminded me and ya brown eyes are under-rated.
I know I sound like a broken record sometimes (if you’ve read my previous posts), but you should see a therapist, find out the underlying cause of your depression and see if it can be treated. Justnoonemuch pretty much covered the rest.
As for the texts, you really just have to relax and give people their breathing space. She’ll text you whenever she feels like it-or maybe she won’t. It’s not the end of the world. She’s already your gf.
People have a natural reflex to move away from someone they feel is smothering or intruding on them-so if you act possessive, insecure, paranoid, etc, it might lead to what you didn’t want in the first place. So best to just take it easy and enjoy what you have. I’m single and do miss out on dating someone, but I’m also very picky-quality over quantity.
My last post for tonight-I should’ve signed off ages ago, gnite all.
I just really didnt want you to make my mistake.
And I appreciate your concern, I’m really not just saying that, and I’m sorry that it happened to you. If I’m being honest I did it with my last girlfriend and that’s why I’m not going to make the same mistake twice, that’s the only reason your advice doesn’t quite work for me but it is in fact very legitimate advice and I was even warned of it before with my ex but I ignored it.