Why do i still love my father? he continuously emotionally and physically harms me however he always tell me he loves me and would do anything in the world for me. He promises me he won’t do it again. but does. He is a very happy man and anybody who met him would never believe he could act in such an abusive manner. I love him more than anything as he has taught me so much and makes me smile. He has always protected me and can be a good father at times however, whenever we make process in our relationship we suddenly fall out again. The hitting,threatening, and throwing stuff happens again. He doesn’t like it when i speak my opinion or say my thoughts if they don’t agree with his. He calls me “useless”, “stupid”, “a huge pest” ,”worthless” and “good for nothing”. He has kicked me out the house a few times and told me to go to hell and fuck off as well as saying that he doesn’t need me. After all the arguing we just leave it and don’t talk for days until things are normal again. I’m just confused because i love my dad so much but he upsets me and makes me feel horrible. I always come back because i love him and i know he loves me but he has caused me to feel so upset that i can’t even describe. But i still love him and always will.
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abuse is often like that, especially in family dynamics. for some people, myself included, it’s hard to stop loving/caring about your abuser. they’ve been in your life so long and they’re such a huge part of it, you want to keep the good stuff and do away with the bad. but it’s good to remember that abusers might love you, they might protect you, they might do nice things for you, but that doesn’t diminish the damage that they do to you or make the abuse okay. know that it’s not your fault that you love him, it’s his fault for twisting that bond and using it to hurt and control you. i’m rooting for you, and i’m sure many of us here are as well. i hope you stay safe
You might still love him but the question is do you like him?
Sometimes you can’t help still loving the people who hurt you. It sucks but it’s just sometimes the way it is.
Have you ever mentioned the way you feel to him? Will that make him angry?
You don’t deserve to be treated that way, is there not anything you can do or anyone you can speak to?
Happy people don’t abuse others friend. People can only externalize the emotion that is within them, if they are happy inside they can only spread happiness, if they are angry inside they can only spread anger, so on and so forth. It is likely that your father is very insecure, probably because he was abused as a kid or by others close to him whom made him feel the way he makes you feel. He probably also has a hard time letting people get too close to him because of abandonment issues. I’m sure your father really does love you, but he knows that eventually you will leave the nest, and that will hurt him because he lacks more close loving relationships in his life, so as a defense mechanism, he tries to convince himself that he doesn’t need you as a way of letting you go when that time arrives. The problem with this is that he is causing you much pain by behaving this way. But I am certain that he does not understand why he behaves like this, so he is likely doing his best, to love you and to protect himself from pain. The most troubling part about this is that he kicks you out of your house, I really hope you have a place to stay when that happens. But keep trying to understand and forgive him and you will let go of your pain friend.