actually, i have every reason to be scared

in about two weeks i’ll be leaving my one bedroom flat to move in with my girlfriend and our nine months old baby boy. we were living together for four months and another two months after he was born, but things fell apart as we drifted away from each other, trying to maintain ourselves without letting this parenting thing take over who we are. i needed time alone to do my art stuff, letting off some of my steam, which ultimately led me to rent my current flat.

i’ve been living here for the past six months, while my girlfriend went back to her parents’ house with the baby. things have gone better, her parents helped us getting some sleep in the beginning, but as she stayed there for a long time, things went downhill once again.

we never got much close all this time, but having a romantic relationship with her parents around is close to impossible, and as we thought we couldn’t get further away from each other, physically, mentally, emotionally – we were proved wrong.

we sat down and talked, walking on eggshells, because we both got very defensive. we decided to give it another try and move together again, but this time to have another room as my workshop. the way we see it, if she stays there, our relationship is over.

even so, that scares me, in case we won’t get along. in case we got so far apart we can’t heal.. and people say i shouldn’t be so scared, but actually, i have every reason to be scared, they just don’t get how real the danger is..

sorry for the long post. thanks for reading.