I feel like I’ve survived hell and have lived to tell about it. I spent 7 consecutive years getting more and more lost, suicidal, and miserable. I had lost absolutely everything, but eventually with the help of myself and others I started rebuilding my life. It has not been easy and there have been long periods of time where I have felt completely lost again. I just remember how it felt to feel and truly believe that nothing in my life would ever get better and I see so much of that here. When I was suicidal and hopeless I would eventually get to the point where I decided to go through with killing myself. I had multiple near death life changing experiences. Every time I had the same thing stop me. It was only when I was nearest to death that I saw the truth of my life. I didn’t truly want to die, I was just so miserable that I felt like death was the only escape. When I was doing a hanging attempt something stopped me right before I blacked out. I had a vision of what I truly wanted my life to be. I saw myself helping others, being my true self, joyful, healthy, with a life that I was truly grateful for. At the time I was just shocked but it really did open my eyes. I struggled for a long time and had other suicide attempts after that but every single time that vision came back and stopped me. Without this hope I would not be alive today, I have no doubt about that. What I am trying to say is if you have a dream or vision don’t turn your back on it. I actually feel grateful to be alive at times which to me is fucking crazy. I see so much wrong with this society, country and world, and it makes me sick, but I always try to see the hope now even in seemingly hopeless situations. I don’t honestly know what changed in me but I feel like I have had countless times where I should have been dead and I find it shocking that I am still alive. I think everybody needs to feel a purpose in life and I have finally found mine. I don’t know if this will help anybody or not, and i’m sorry if it doesn’t, but I just felt the need to share it.
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I saw that reply you left to that comment I made about Hell. I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you.
Your story is incredible. I wish I had a lot to say about it. But it’s incredible. I hope that someday you’ll be living that vision that you saw right before death. I know you’re probably on the path right now, but I don’t know how much of it you’ve realized so far.
You’re so very right about something you said in here: none of us want to die. We just don’t want a life full of pain. That’s something that took me a while to realize. It’s so true.
The funny thing is I am living the life I saw in that vision now, I just realized it tonight.
Oh wow. I can’t describe how happy I am for you. Reading that made me smile wide. 🙂
Sometimes I wonder if that’s possible for everyone. It seems like a stupid, nïave idea. But even so, a part of me can’t help but wonder…
I truly think it is possible for everyone, if people could look at my life and see how much shit I fought through and still have to fight through on a daily basis I think they would feel like there is hope. Depression, Social Phobia, Obsessive thoughts, Multiple Addictions, Trauma and Abuse, Bullying, Being Screwed Over By the mental healthcare system, Deep Anger, Chronic Pain. I’m only 21 years old and starting when I was 13 life just became an increasingly horrible hell, and I thought for a lot of that time there was no chance in hell that I would ever make it through it alive. It takes an unbelievable amount of work, help and determination but I feel like i’m not special in the sense that if I can make it others can as well. I will say there is no way I can make it all on my own though, I tried that for years and it just kept digging me deeper.
Let me try a less angry response to this one: I am glad you discovered this meaning in your life.
Thanks, it has been really important for me. I honestly think that living without hope or purpose was a major driving force of me being miserable and suicidal in the past.