Sitting in my bed waiting for the sun to come up after another sleepless night. I’ve already decided that I’m not doing anything I had planned tomorrow, instead I’ll procrastinate another day. I’m trying to imagine a world where I could be happy, and in every perfect scenario, I’m miserable. I think, maybe, that heaven or hell doesn’t come after this. I think maybe this is already the latter. Maybe the point of this world is to prove you have what it takes to get to heaven. I like that sentiment but I don’t think I have what it takes. Maybe if I end it I’ll get another chance. Maybe I’ll be normal next time. Maybe I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror without wanting to break it. Maybe I’ll be able to go to school or work without crying on the drive there, crying for the simple fact that I can’t keep going and pretending to care. I’m starting to ramble.
sorry for the long post
2 comments
I wish I could get another chance and not be me.. I’ve stopped caring about myself and everything, but I’ve pretty much stopped pretending I care around others as well.. I’m like a zombie
I haven’t been on this site in years, but it crossed my mind the other day because it helped when I was a dark place in my life. I came across post first thing I signed back on and it took me back to that time, and I would really like to be there. If you just need someone to listen. I saw myself in your shoes, so you are not alone. Please mail me anytime at marlene.j.salvatore@gmail.com. I really hope to hear back from you. -Marlene