A few days ago I made a post questioning whether I’m a failure or just a late bloomer, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I AM indeed a failure. I’ll be 25 soon, and I’ve achieved nothing in my life so far. I have no career, never been in a relationship or done anything with a girl, don’t have my driver’s license…
Late bloomers generally don’t figure out what they want until later in life, but I’ve always known what I want since high school. I want to be a programmer. I believe I’m a failure because so far I’ve failed to become what I want, as opposed to figuring it out later in life. I studied for 2 years in college for what is called “practical software engineering” in my country, which is less than a Bachelor’s, but apparently it’s useless for the most part, because I’m applying to jobs but haven’t even had a job interview, and just one call that led nowhere.
I’m really depressed and I don’t know what to do. I want to finally get a Bachelor’s in Computer Science, but I think it’s too late now, and I won’t be able to start until 26 at least, thus finishing at 32 if I’m lucky. I’m currently doing a minimum wage job and I’ll be working full time while studying, so I won’t be able to take many courses per semester, thus according to my calculations it will take me a minimum of 5 years.
I’m working for minimum wage at 25, and will most likely be stuck like this until at least my early 30’s and that’s IF I get a degree and manage to find a job. How is that not a failure? I think I should just kill myself and be done with it. Other people my age are already a few years into their successful careers, and I’m stuck making pizzas and dealing with customers. I don’t want to live anymore because my life is going nowhere.
13 comments
At least you know what direction you want to go. Would any of those courses that you took be transferable towards your BS?
Have you received any feedback on why you’re not getting hired?
Maybe you can get a position in a company you like in another department, say Computer Operations or helpdesk? It’s gonna be far better than making pizzas ???
Most likely the courses I took aren’t transferable, so I will need to do everything from scratch. To be honest, I don’t even know how to look for a job. I’m just sending job applications whenever I have the opportunity. I don’t even know basic life skills, so why live at all? I don’t know how to find a job in another department… I even found my current job by chance. Life literally threw right in my face, and that’s the only reason I even have a job at all.
And no, I’m not receiving any feedback whatsoever. It’s surely because I’m just a failure and I barely have anything to say on my resume.
Have you ever considered a staffing agency to help you find employment? If you can, search around to see if there are some in your area that may be able to help. It may also help to see if you can find someone to take a look at your resume and give you some advice on what you can add or change on your resume to grab the attention of employers.
Are there are any online courses you can take? Maybe you can look into that to receive certifications or your Bachelor’s degree. Just make sure they are reputable and not out to steal your money.
I do know someone who works in IT field who only has an associates degree. Of course this is probably different from what you want to pursue but this person mostly has certifications in different software programs that helped him get jobs.
I apologize if my advice isn’t helpful as I think I’m giving you information you probably already know. I’m someone who will often torture myself by searching for former classmates and seeing what they’ve accomplished (sounds stalker-ish, I know) and then hating myself because I feel like a complete failure.
I’m only a few years younger than you but I just completed my high school degree after dropping out. I haven’t had a job at all (except a few paid errands from my mother’s friends) and my social life is nonexistent. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not trying to compare my life with yours I just want you to know you’re not alone in feeling like a failure.
Sometimes you don’t have to know where you’re going you just have to start walking. Having an interest and knowing what you want to do is a great thing. I think you should give yourself more credit for what you have and will continue to accomplish.
Thank you for the reply.
Well, I know I’m not the only one who’s a failure, but it still hurts seeing people younger than me already a few years into their careers.
About staffing agencies, I’m currently attending a course at one (a paid one of course, and expensive too). According to them, they will find me a job once I finish the course, but I don’t trust them. At first I did, but for some reason I now don’t trust their claims at all. I really hope I don’t find out they were lying after 8 months of hard work and putting a lot of money for their stupid course.
I hope your life gets better, mine as well.
Or the only one who sees themselves as a failure… I wasn’t suggesting you’re a failure, I’m so sorry if it sounded this way… reading it back it might have.
Not at all! I understood what you were trying to say. 🙂
I do hope the agency will be able to help you. I think it’s normal to be skeptical about some agencies. Once the course ends make sure to stay in constant contact with them so they don’t “forget” you.
Thanks and I wish you the best.
Thanks. I wish you the best too. 🙂
Are you getting help for your depression? You are not at all doing bad in life, it does not matter how fast or slow you do things. It does not matter how fast or slow others take steps in their life. There’s no such thing as failing at life, you’re doing good by just being here. As for the driver’s license, you can easily fix that by (if you find time and energy for it) getting it. You can still become a programmer. As for the girlfriend, I’d say you may have to go out and meet people more. Sometimes I get frustrated or sad because there’s no significant other in my life (yet), but then I remind myself I won’t find a boyfriend by sitting at home.
There’s still time. You’re doing fine. Just keep going.
Thanks for the reply.
To be honest I’m not getting help for my depression, since I can’t afford seeing a therapist at the moment. I used to see a psychiatrist, it’s a service I got for free, but I voluntarily stopped taking the meds and stopped seeing her. I tried calling the clinic where she works today to make an appointment with her and consider going back on meds, but they were already closed. I’ll try again tomorrow.
As for the girlfriend thing, even if I go out, women generally don’t seem to be interested in me. Well there’s a young girl who seems to be interested, but with the course I’m doing and my job, I’m not finding the time to stay in contact with her.
To be honest, I find it hard to believe I’m doing well by just being alive. Someone who’s in his mid twenties and hasn’t achieved anything worth mentioning is definitely not doing well. Even if I succeed when I’m 40, what’s the point? Most of my life and my best years would be gone by then.
No worries. I’m glad you’re seeking out help again for your depression, if you could get some help in that surface it could already broaden your perspective on living again. Do you mean stay in face to face contact with her? Could you not talk to her online then for a bit and find a moment in time to meet a while later?
But if you say you have achieved nothing, how do you define an achievement? Is it a piece of paper that says you have reached a certain degree? Is it having a wife and kids by your age? Is it having a well paid job? Achievements are merely what you consider important. What do you think is important? What do you value?
There’s no option to talk to her online. You call the clinic where she works and they make an appointment for you with her. I called again today but I might not be able to see her until November.
As for how I define achievement, well, achievement is having a well paying job that you like, having the degree you want, having fulfilled what you want in life. Achievement is having had your first kiss, which I still haven’t. Bare in my that I’m NOT waiting for the “right” person or anything similar that suggests it’s by choice, it’s just never happened for me, not by choice, and I’m not proud of it in the slightest, since it only means women aren’t interested in me and it only adds to my depression and is further reason to want to die. You feel completely worthless when nobody wants you. And as my boss believes, “everything is beautiful at the right time,” and after that he told me, “why didn’t you get your driver’s license at the right time when you were 19 or younger?” Not having my sorbets l driver’s license at 25 is also not an achievement and further proof that I’m a failure, but I was extremely depressed and lost at the time, and didn’t have any money for a driver’s license. I’m currently trying to get it, but I’ve failed 2 tests do far, further proof of being a failure.
Everything that’s happening in my life seems to only serve as proof to how much of a failure I am.
Sorry auto correct on my phone added some nonsense there, but you get what I mean.
Very sorry I haven’t got back to you. If you have a nearby library, check out this book: What Color is Your Parachute, by Richard Bolles. It is updated annually.
Did you end up calling the clinic? How did it go?