I was here when I was in 8th grade now im a senior in highschool. Im back. My problems havent necesarily gotten worse but they also havent gotten any better. Ive met alot of people through out these years none of them have really stuck around but thats my fault . I wish i could say “Sorry for not talking to you anymore, but i had a plan that i would kill myself as soom as i graduated so i didnt really want to make long term friends. But i decided thats the wrong way to deal with my problems so i wanted to be your friend again” but that doesnt exactly roll off the tounge like “hey im a huge asshole and only ever think about myself” well anyway this is long. Ill end on this note. If i do ever kill myself i want to say sorry to every last person i stopped talking to with no actual reason. I loved you and i truly am sorry
Sincerly, a piece of shit
1 comment
Saying those things will be one of the hardest things you may ever do. Like you, I never had any friends that stuck around. The reason why is I was afraid to open and connect to people on an intimate and emotional, level. Also, I’d push people away who got too close.
It took me twenty years to start talking my family, friends and support groups about my anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. I remember it being very difficult and I stammered the entire I time I first talked to someone. Since then it has gotten easier and everyone in my life has opened up and shared difficulties and struggles they have faced.
If you plan on dying when you graduate then what do you have to loose by talking to someone? Become friends with one person who you can trust and talk about what your thinking and how your feeling. Doing this isn’t without risk, you will be vulnerable and may get hurt, but that is part of growing up.
Good luck and I hope you find the strength to reach out and connect with someone.