I think about suicide each and every day, the thought of it won’t leave me for long. Sometimes the thought of it lurks in the background, other times forcing me to confront my demons. I do find it comforting to know it will all be over. I’ve attempted, was it a serious attempt, well yes as I hoped I’d die, but it just wasn’t going to happen, I’ve learnt since then though.
I don’t know where I fit in, here in this world around me. I feel I’ve spent my life dreaming about achieving something half decent that I can hold onto. In the past it didn’t matter as I had time on my side but now I’m rapidly approaching fifty I know time has run out and I will have achieved nothing, worse still, I will die alone and unloved, yes, I couldn’t even achieve happiness in the romantic area either. I have no one in my life, estranged from any family long ago, no one ever calls me, I won’t be missed.
I am alone, I’ve been alone, I will be alone, and I’m sure I’ll die alone. I hate being alone, and yes, I will end my life because of it. When I see so many in relationships around me I automatically think of hanging my ugly, lonely self. It’s not just about being alone, it’s the feeling of not being wanted. I think so many people in this world have been left behind in so many areas of life that suicide does seem as an escape from it all. This month represents my final act on this planet, the curtain will fall in a few weeks and I will be no more.
9 comments
doesn’t life just suck?
Mine does 🙁
I’m so sorry and I just want to give you a big hug. I can imagine how much your heart must hurt and the emptiness you feel. I hope you find happiness, peace and love wherever your journey takes you.
Hi Pegasus. Good luck. I feel the exact way you do. Hopefuily this is my last month too. I have a few loose ends. Please keep us posted if things change or to just vent. Out of anyplace, we understand 😉
I find my thoughts of suicide vary, at the moment it’s bad, I wish things would just end. I see my life as pointless, so many problems but loneliness is the one that’s the real breaker for me. It’s people in real life that I see everyday, they seem so happy which shows the great disparity between myself and them, it hurts. I don’t know if I can keep this life going, I do try, and I hope you do too. Life’s hard, suicide’s hard, it’s fucked. You’re right about one thing, it helps to vent, thanks for understanding, and that goes for all the comments here.
I don’t know where to start…I’m in my early 30’s and the pain is just plain and simply just getting old (to be frank) I’ve been reading a lot on here haven’t really replied to anyone. But I know your pain. The emptiness of being alone in a world full of mediocrity. Please YOU AREN’T ALONE! If you need someone to talk to cuz I really do too. Please dude just Email me. I really know what it’s like to lose communication with family. Seriously hoping you know I’m here for you love!!!!! A stranger that has much in common!
Getting older does focus the mind on a lack of achievements, to wake up and know the chance of happiness is getting less and less. Time is my enemy, suicide seems a good answer as it ends time. It’s hard to suffer being left behind and alone, hate to think so many relate to this like you do. Reading your comment does help me, we tend to think we are alone in being alone, but so many are feeling the same. Thank you for replying.
Nias this breaks my heart. I would miss you. Please text me or email. Let’s chat. Hugs.
If I talk to you Whispers then how can I contemplate suicide, it makes it complicated. If I have absolutely no one in my life then isn’t that the easiest thing, no one to talk me out of it. That’s why it was originally posted as Pegasus, you know how much I respect you, I don’t want you to feel sad about me.