for most of the day today I’ve been thinking about killing myself. my thought was, if I’m not good at life, then I shouldn’t be living. this makes perfect sense to me.
but I just remembered I can’t kill myself. like physically can’t. I’ve tried so many times in the past and I can never take that final step. can’t jump of the bridge, but all set to go. always seeking help after pills
i guess that means I don’t want to die, but I do. or more, I don’t want to live. this life I’m in, I’m terrible at it. I can’t seem to achieve anything
i keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
i can’t die. and I can’t live
so where the hell does that leave me?
6 comments
I am in the EXACT situation. I try to kill myself but get too scared. But I have peaceful methods I’ve researched in detail. email me brgoodn6 @ gmail . com
I am at this point and I will be heading to a place for teens with mental health problems (not a hospital) and i chose to do it because I know i need the help because I want my life but I also don’t because i always fuck up so maybe you should look into these things
I’ve tried the hospital thing, wasn’t a fan
Your logic is flawed… That’s common with depression, it may make sense to you but depression can taint logic to the point where it’s broken. We aren’t automatically “good” at anything, some might have an unpolished natural ability or a way which gives us the impression that it’s easier for them. Reality sees success through experience/diligence. We use confirmation bias to pick out all the best parts of someone’s life and ignore the truth of their path to now.
Look at an athlete, it’s easy to say that they have a natural gift, a born runner, however that ignores the physical and mental anguish of training and persisting. They’ve often endured not only success but also failure. It’s not always obvious, a comparison has to factor in all these ups and down along the way.
I appreciate your input but I still disagree. I do work for things, but it still doesn’t work no matter all the effort I’ve put in. I don’t expect to be magically good at something
It leaves you in that vulnerable place where possibility hopes for good and fears evil. A place of waiting: for more information, a clearer sign, a rescue, a new beginning, some sort of ending.
It is good you still have reason to pause. Sometimes the greatest revelations are in the pauses.