I lost all of the hope. My girlfriend abandoned me and I am forced to sleep in someone’s living room. My long term mental issues brought me here, alone, lonely and with severe depression, can’t do nothing. Only what keeps me alive is work which is shit really what am I doing? Just mending phones, it’s just a joke. Never finished school as I had to work from the age of 16. Had to go abroad and start from scratch at the age of 18. Had to leave everything behind, even my identity. And now because of some fucking misunderstanding I’m single and my precious gift from life is gone and hostile to me, as she been manipulated by her alcoholic mother. I been thinking about future and now I lost it. Sounds silly what I am saying but for me it feels like I lost everything. I’ve got nobody in my life, no parents, no friends, my colleagues know that I am emotionally unstable weirdo. I registered myself on POF and guess what, after messaging loads of girls none of them replied, I tired to make it look good to boost my chances of reply. Nothing. I am stupid and weak, I’ve got nothing to offer, my personality is bland as greeg’s sausage roll. I know there’s more people out there with desire to terminate their lives with more serious issues than I have. Please don’t judge me this way, I am struggling and even throughout those hardships I went through, this breakup just shattered me, and I don’t want to live, I regret everything what I did to her, I wasted her time, I been nasty and kept ignoring her. Now when I want to cherish her, she’s gone. Although suicide in this case is overreaction and stupidity, all this mental issues, suffering at work and in life general, this is a final trigger. I don’t know what do I want to do and when, now I’m doing my research, however if I will see her on facebook having new relationship or pictures with new bloke which is inevitable I will do it almost immediately. Either helium or hanging won’t bother me then.
Good luck for you all, K.
1 comment
You know, that sounds just like me a few years ago. I partially screwed up a relationship and due to other circumstances i ended up in the same place that you mention: lost everything, even my identity. That said, it has happened to me more than once and my guess is that stuff like that (that turns your life around) happens quite a few times in your lifespan. I know it might sound like there’s nothing for you in the future, but you never really know.
Why am i saying this? because i was told the same back then. “you never know if your life is really over”… yup, got told that a lot, and i insisted that i knew it was over. Fast forward 3-4 years and my life isn’t any better, i’m still alone, no particular direction in sight, health issues, you name it. But yeah, i can see know that even if some things end, that doesn’t mean your life is over… it just means that a part of your life is, and another part can start when you decide you’re ready for it. Easier said than done, but it can be done.
I have no idea how old you are, but what i’m trying to say is that there’s more ahead. You never know if you can find yourself again or if you can find a new reason to move forward, but sticking around to figuring that out is sort of worth it. If indeed there’s nothing in your future, you can still end it whenever you want, that option is not going away… but if you do end it, your choice to live your life is forever gone. As for seeing your exgf over at social media… yeah, been there, the same might happen to her eventually (seeing you having a new life)… and well, if you want you can always delete your social media account in order to avoid seeing her (that’s what i did).