I feel like I’m always ruining everyone’s life around me and just can’t figure out how to stop doing it. Nothing I do is right and everything I do is wrong. There are so many times I have just felt like walking off a train tressel over a busy highway or sitting in my room with my guns taunting me and voices in the back of my head telling me that it’s time. God knows how I am still here have been diagnosed bipolar and can’t seem to keep it together at all anymore. No one really knows this is how I feel or what I have almost done and honestly I don’t think it would be good for them to know. The real me barely ever comes out anymore and if he did it would scare ppl cause anymore he scares me. What honestly is left? Torture my family my kids but living seems to be more torture then the alternative