LifeCrushed

I grew up in a 2 very abusive homes.
My uncle got a huge kick out of hurting me and my 2 sisters. From a very early age until I was 13, he would beat us. I got it the worst because I chose to be the ‘bad’ one to keep from seeing my sisters get hurt…
He would do various things, use a belt, handmade paddle with his name carved in it, sticks, pieces of wood, etc.
I’m not talking spankings, I literally mean beatings.. I would be hit all over my legs, butt and back, no less than 15 times every time.

I remember one time in particular, that hurts to think about. My sister had fallen out of bed and hit the floor. That fat POS starts screaming from downstairs for us all to come down, insisting that we were playing and not sleeping, at 4am on a school night… So, I told him it was me. After a 1 hour speech about burning in hell. I was laid over his lap… I get hit with his paddle about 5 times and he stops… He waited about a minute and starts tickling me and tell me jokes.. I had these feeling and thoughts wash over me and they were wonderful! I was excited and laughing, thinking “this is how other kids feel!!” Abruptly(never having left his lap for the whole ‘fun’ session) he starts beating me again….. The worst one I had yet, screaming and sobbing. I swear I felt fists… He rolled me off of his lap and onto the floor. I was shattered to the point of suicide at the young age of 9.

It’s been 20 years and I’m still broken. I have had much worse things happen to me by definition.  But this. This was something else. I can’t explain how completely black everything became. I didn’t speak for a whole year or more after this… I lost every ounce of fight I had in my brain and body.