I really like the date I’ve picked as a day to end it. I’m sick of being treated like shit. More specifically, it’s like my feelings don’t matter or I’m expected to not have feelings at all. I can’t get a job, and I’m too ugly for this world. Doesn’t even deserve my explanation. Anyway, I’ve hesitated for so long because I need 100% certainty and being obese, I know that we’re nearly immortal and the only thing that can really kill a big fat 360 lb sack of shit like me is a gunshot to the head or decapitation, of which I’m too poor to have the means to do. A 260 lb man can survive getting hit by a train with only a few broken bones and I’m a lot more padded from injury than that. Jumping off the Sears fucking Tower wouldn’t kill me. I’m too poor to get a bus ticket to the famous jumping location I had dreamed of. So I found a closer place that looks secluded enough to do something. Hanging would be my first option at the location and there are train tracks near by if I fail at the first. I also worry if I couldn’t be hanged because of the muscle I’ve built up in my neck. I can’t feel my own pulse in my neck because I just feel the massive muscles I’ve got. I’m not worried about 1-5 minutes of discomfort, just success. There’s zero room for failure. I’m so fucking fed up with everything, and if he keeps pushing it I won’t be able to hold out until my date. But it’s coming up soon. I’m not afraid of anything but not succeeding. I’ve got more balls than anyone has ever fucking given me credit for in my life. Only the need for certainty has held me back but I’m only human and I can’t be constantly shit on left and right, day in and day out. I’M OUT!!
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6 comments
Hi,
I realy liek to talk. I’m 30lb too, and feel mostly the same as you describe in your posts. my email is stefan at deds dot nl i realy hope we can have a talk about your last post, it’s absolutely not my plan to hold you back, i just think we will understand realy much of eachother.
When i write my emailaddress in the normal way the post has to be moderated first, so i wrote it in a different way. but my email addres is: stefan@deds.nl
Hi Dusgusting,
I din’t understand: you post messaes here, but if someone eels the same as you do and wants to talk to you, you never reply. Why?
You’ve had me email you before, and you didn’t really talk to me, so…. ?
Sorry i lost quite much of my contct after some silence after a suicide attempt, and a computecrahs in which i lost all my email contacct addresses. So… if you can send me yur email address again i would be realy happy.
It’s just that i went through a realy deep period, in which i had a suicide attempt and that computercrahs, so maybe i was not as active online as i normally am. but it was absolutely not because of you, so if you can send me your email address again i would be glad to talk to you.