I think about dying every day. I am 23 years old and this has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I don’t know why I am here, I am not sure what I think this blog or website will do for me, I am just trying to hold on for as long as I possibly can. I am terrified of the permanence of death, and also horrified at the thought of a long life when every single day feels so long. I am trapped between wanting better for myself and feeling like I am just wasting time every minute I am still alive. Am I destined to die or am I destined to live? All I know for sure is I feel like I am going through life alone. No matter how many friends or family I have around nothing ever feels like enough. I don’t believe I will ever find true happiness. As I have said, I am utterly confused… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
1 comment
I know that feeling too well. Knowing there is something wrong in killing yourself and yet feeling that one more day on this planet will be unbearable and a huge waste of time. Like you I m like this since I can remember and I m turning 20 next year so although I am supposed to be young I feel so old, tired and damaged. No matter my situation is improving, no matter my wonderful little sister or my studies I m always stressed out, and exhausted. I would just need some rest. But death isn’t rest. Death is just non existing, making all and everything you care about disappear. So how matter how hard it is you should go on. Maybe we will never get better but there is a small chance we will get to know true happiness before we die, which won’t 100% surely not happen if we kill ourselves