I want to end it

Guys, not sure if I’m meant to say so or not, but have you looked into black powder guns? They are legal in more places and have far fewer restrictions- and I have seen (yes firsthand) the result. I am not encouraging you because I don’t know enough to know what is right for you, but if you’re going to do anything don’t do it without stopping to think- not about going on if you know you can’t, that’s obvious- but about ensuring you won’t mess yourself up unintentionally, have someone be traumatized by finding you, (I mean it, if you go to a hotel to spare your family do it in a bathroom with a locked door, a note on the outside clearly saying what will be found- don’t scar a maid for life, don’t let that be your final act,) and if you can, please, I implore you, write letters to loved ones and scribble some info like logins, bank info, etc. down first. – I’ve lost two people, one suicide and one young sudden death- those things DO help. I got them from the suicide, it let me cope and survive it. The other I didnt, it was so sudden and no one saw it coming- right before we were due to take a trip for his birthday. That one broke me, and is how I ended up here. You might hate the world but please consider those you loved once or who love you- if you have to go, leave then something more than questions, because you might be saving their lives at the end of the day.