Today is my son’s 15th birthday. I should be happy to celebrate but he is at that age where he doesn’t care if mom makes him a cake or a special dinner.
I also realized that this day last year is the last day I spent with both of my parents for his 14th birthday. In two weeks, the anniversary of my own personal hell will begin and in my mind I’ve already started to relive it.
My dad was being rushed to the hospital and my mom was calling my cell phone. The sound was garbled and I didn’t want to talk on the phone while I was driving and I said, “Mom! I can’t hear you and I’m driving. As soon as I get to the hospital, I ‘ll call you back” and hung up.
I got to the hospital with my dad 15 minutes later and 30 minutes after that, the police showed up to tell me that my mom died at work (Coincidentally, on the anniversary of losing my grandfather) She was having a heart attack and trying to call my dad. I realized that I hung up on my mom in her dying moments. I had to break the news to my dad as he was being admitted to the hospital for organ failure and rattling off a list of things to tell my mom to bring…
My parents weren’t married so navigating the sudden death with no will was daunting for my dad in ill health (and technically, I would have been the step-daughter…if they were married, but she was my mom.). I was pulling teeth to lay my mom to rest because at every point I was told, “Well, she’s not really your mom so if you want to do this {whatever “this” was at that time}, you have to go to court”. I just wanted to stand on the tables and scream at people, “YOU DON’T TELL ME SHE WASN’T MY MOM!”
We were finally getting somewhere with this mountainous maze of paperwork when I get a call from my brother at 11:30pm one night that my father died….on the 6th month anniversary of losing my mom.
Today, I am still handling both estates because neither of them had a will and everything my dad did for my mom, I had to start over. I don’t want to do paperwork. I want my parents. They were weird. They were hoarders. My mom refused to eat leftovers. My dad made extra food because he preferred it as leftovers. My mom was superreligious and my dad cursed a lot.
It makes me laugh to think that the secret to my parents staying together for 30 years was NOT being married. I don’t know…I don’t like this world without them. I want to go wherever they are…
1 comment
Thank you for sharing your story . First thing first , to me , this was a very sad story , but at the same time it was a beautiful one , because one can really see how much they loved each other and how much you love them . Second , i think you should look at what you have now , not wish for the impossible … i mean , you have a kid , which means you have a family , that’s something i personally can’t even dream of . My point is that you seem like a really good person and you should enjoy the present and the future ( and hell , i know that’s hard … but at least you have some people by your side , to some point ) . I hope i didn’t offended you , and i hope you have a good day .