I just got caught hurting myself knew I was going to be caught sooner or later damn!
The worst thing is the last time I talked about hurting myself I got a palm to the head from my partner, he told me he did it because I’m so stupid and he can’t see me going through this and I need my head sorting and he’s getting desperate as I won’t accept help (so he can hurt me but I can’t?) dunno what’s that about, I can see why he did it and I don’t blame him at all as he just wants to get through to me. But it’s just too late I have already made my mind up.
Why isn’t anything simple, I’m always hitting hurdles aghh!
In other news I have finally mastered tieing a noose took me ages I’m no good at stuff like knots so it was an achievement for me.
5 comments
There’s no excuse for a partner hurting his/her counterpart. What he did is abhorrent, no matter if he became frustrated with your actions. Is there no one else that you can talk about this? You don’t need to seek help, if you don’t want to. Just talking about these urges can help lighten the load. Also, have you tried rubber-bands on you wrist, or ice cubes? They’re good substitutes for the the real thing.
O and I don’t think it’s ever too late. Things change and our perspectives on things change. There are very few things in this world that we can set in stone.
I agree with SadPotato
in a relationship, there shouldn’t be a mistreatment like this, then it is unhealthy and bad.
I always found the rubber bands a bit too mild for me, but ice could do the trick at times, and if cubes melt to fast, try bigger chunks of ice try or a solid piece of frozen meat, just careful about frost burns from larger hard frozen things
hurting one self is never good, not healthy, even though it can feel like the only release
best to try to find release and relief in another way, other places, healthier more permanent “distractions” it is not impossible, and even if it can seem hard to find, they are there
take care of your self, you are more important than your other half in this relationship for now.
if you don’t feel good, it’s hard to “be” good if/when people ask/demand it in a relationship
so better to take care of yourself first to get back to good
best wishes Gemini
I already have a plan in place for after Christmas to kill myself, and self harming now is the only thing that’s stopping me from doing it sooner.
Congratulations?
As a society I think we’re a bit far away from knowing the things to say to survivors of abusive relationships. At least, in the last ten years, people have mostly learned that you don’t blame the victim.
I wish you could visualize being out of a relationship where someone strikes you AND loving yourself AND not feeling like you are shit. If you had a physical ailment I could just say, “get well!” Everyone knows that means heal, become stronger, take your meds, listen to your doctor, be positive, and so on.
There is no universal “get well” for mental illnesses. Boy, we need one! We need a phrase that means: Get well! THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Things will get better! YOU HAVE A REAL PROBLEM, THIS ISN’T IMAGINARY. You don’t deserve to be treated like shit! I KNOW YOU THINK NOBODY LOVES YOU BUT PEOPLE DO, YOU JUST CAN’T SEE IT RIGHT NOW! We care! YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! You are not alone!
But we don’t have a convenient phrase for that… So I’ll make one up… Hmmm… SP… S… P…
How about “Santo prego!” I know it really means “pregnant Santa” but it sounds right.
So, santo prego, Gemi. Santo prego, and don’t you forget it!
I don’t see myself as in abusive relationship he does love me and I love him, but I make him so frustrated with my messed up thoughts that he just lashes out especially when he’s trying to get through to me and begging me to get help.
I just feel like I’m making everything worse as he only hurts me when he’s mad at me when I talk about doing stupid stuff to myself or do stupid stuff to myself.
He is better off with out me as I can see him ending up loosing everything if anyone finds out about it just because of me and I don’t want that for him.