I sometimes wish I could reset myself somehow. I wish amnesia would wash away all I know about myself, and to wake up somewhere foreign surrounded by strangers and begin anew.
To dissolve all of my existing attachments to people and things. To forget all of the destructive habits and negative opinions I have developed over a lifetime. To be rid of all memories, free to form a fresh identity upon a blank slate.
I’m thinking about voluntarily becoming homeless. I was always told that living in comfort is a great privilege that others suffer without. But I feel total emptiness; electronic distractions and unhealthy pleasures just encourage the worse things about myself. I want to give up everything I possess and discover something authentic, or die trying, like an ascetic monk.
7 comments
being homeless can free the mind of some material “wants”, or empower them
if you can convince your mind, and pull yourself up, or be pulled up, afterwards, while still “needing” some material things, shelter, food, you mind could be satisfied by just this
but it could also learn nothing at all, or feel a stronger desire for all the things, both those we “need” and those we “want”
there is also the possibility your mind will let you fade away, and being homeless will be the last thing you “do”
being homeless isn’t completely terrible, but it should not be permanent, for any one
it can be a good lesson, or a sad punishment
only be homeless if you think your mind will be strong enough and have the desire to come back up after
otherwise, you should seek out something else, other for of help, other means and ways to get back up, both in your mind and outside of your mind
That’s such an interesting concept. It sounds a bit like being a monk. You know, many people do go and live with Buddhist monks to have the kind of experience you’re describing. If so many people do it, there must be something to it.
Going on a retreat like that – whether it’s a week, a month, or two years – is somewhat safer than being homeless. I have been homeless for a few weeks, but luckily had enough friends to always have a roof over my head. I started my life again with one suitcase. It was one of the most stressful experiences I’ve ever had. My world fell apart – and I was dealing with the fall out of the incidents that triggered me being forced into being homeless. It was SO AWFUL.
It was a new start but it was also incredibly painful. I experienced things I’d never felt before. It really challenged me to consider the bare minimum of what I needed, because I had to carry around everything I owned – including to job interviews.
The best way I can describe the feeling is ‘survival mode’. I stopped caring about other people, and felt utter desperation. All my effort went into getting a toothbrush for myself…. that kind of thing.
Being homeless did not wipe my mind of memories. It did challenge me to rethink all my material possessions and my identity. For a year or two, I had few possessions, but now two and a half years on, I’ve accumulated books and things I’ve made… possessions are comforting.
I think you might benefit more from a Buddhist retreat than actually being homeless on the streets of London. You would learn to be in the moment, and rise above your thoughts. You would not have many possessions with you, either. That’s more similar to the experience you’re describing than the experience I had of being homeless.
With the way my life is going I’ll probably be homeless soon, hey at least then I’ll have a reason to blow my head out.
I can fully understnd your desire to be able to just wash away the memories of bad things of the past. My past is loaded with pain, depression, anxieties, some bad choices, some bad addictions and some hard times. So I know what its like to have a mind that often has to conjure up memories that are not pleasant at all. We all do deserve a clean slate in life everyday. But sometimes past traumas come to mind.. and also some people can try to remind us of bad things of the past and that sucks too. Well for me the best thing to do is to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past and move forward from here. The best thing for me in life is to have positive goals and to be working towards making those positive goals happen in my life.
So constantly working on making things better for myself is what keeps me going… and HOPE that all of those things will come to pass and that I will be happy in all these things.
Now as for this idea of voluntarily choosing to be homeless. DO NOT DO IT
the life of a homeless person is one of the worst situation a person can be in. Its not easy having to find a place in the bushed to sleep at night. Its not a good thing to not be able to take a shower and brush your teeth and take care of yourself the way you can if you have a place to live,
ALSO once a person becomes homeless it can be VERY hard to Pull out of it. So a lot of people who wind up there wind up there for the rest of their life.
If you have technology in your house that is causing you to do things you dont like to do > then get rid of the technology. LIke if the internet or TV is a source of something bad.. then get rid of the internet. But you can still have a home to live in. Because I will tell you > if you go out on the street because you think its going to be a better life you are WRONG.
You will regret it and find out quickly that being homeless is awful.
Now if you think you need some kind of sabbatical thing for yourself.
then think about doing something like becoming a monk or maybe working in some kind of
religious community where people do not use technology… if you think you need to live without tv and internet. but going on the street will be a big mistake
look into religious communities or maybe even volunteer work. Sometimes there are situtatios where a person can volunteer in some agency where you live and work along with other people doing some charitable work and in exchange they give you a place to stay and food and some spending money. Something like that would keep you busy doing something good with other good people and you would have what you need to survive and also have something to be proud of because you are helping a charitable organization. bot going on the street would be a huge mistake that you would regret
explore options..
You and I have same thinking. Homelessness gives a certain freedom that nothing worldly can give. But it comes at a price – hardship. Choice is one’s.
Yup, that was my plan for a while and for many of the same reasons. Glad i didn;t though. I’d probably have screwed myself.
Remember, every electronic device has an off switch.
I’ve driven into the country in the middle of the night to throw two computers off the side of bridge, into a creek, along with some other problematic items.
What I’m trying to say is……………………………………….I’m bat-shit crazy.
Amazing. Did you film it? Haha. How did you feel afterwards?
I have a rule for myself. No emails after dinner. It’s small, but it works. It means I’m in charge of my communications, rather than my phone and computer being in charge of me.