i’m here with you again and smoke from the sage is hanging in the air and the room is dim and rosy. you’re playing quiet music and our arms are covered in temporary tattoos. i really love you. you’re telling me about these bitches at your school and it’s dizzy and soft and safe here
boneyard
boneyard
i dunno dude. i got nothin. if you're lonely or pissed or need to vent hmu haze.xvi@gmail.com if you don't want me to even answer, i won't. if you do, i will. i'm fuckin lonely dude spam my dumb ass.
people are so beautiful. what’s up with that? like how do we forget or not notice sometimes? we fuckin make up memes and create medicine to save each other and we take in other animals and nurse them we have evolved to the point where survival of the fittest does not fit on our moral compass and the only thing we want is to save everyone and we’re just so full of love even as we hurt ourselves and each other. we are strong enough to be soldiers who go to war and fight for our territory and we are strong enough to be teenage […]
i love you and your eczema and your bleached hair and your laugh and your sneeze and your eyes and your hands you are beautiful. you are safe. you are home. i feel warm and gentle sitting next to you while you sleep and i am so grateful i get this. i never did a thing to deserve it but here you are, with your capri sun and your tiny dogs. i love you a lot.
i’m so scared and tired and angry. at first i felt like reporting my brother was the worst thing i’ve ever done but sitting on your bed, sitting with someone […]
let’s see. a fuckload happened. reported my brother for rape and eight years of sexual abuse, my ma took me and ran away, i’m going to the local high school, my brother was arrested, we’re living in an abuse shelter, we have no money, and i’m the happiest i’ve ever been. some days. i’m openly gay now, i’m eating more and exercising, i’m still bandaged and pale but i’m workin on it. i get free therapy at the shelter. i don’t want to talk to anyone my age because they don’t know shit about me and i don’t know them well enough to tell them […]
they won’t let me take the mouthguard off. i’m not allowed to leave the house. i got arrested last week but that doesn’t feel like it matters, really. it’s not on my record and if it’s not on my record colleges won’t see it and for some reason the one thing i want more than anything else is to go to college. i don’t give a shit about afterwards. maybe i’ll finally fortify and shoot myself. that’d be a pretty good end, really. i don’t have the energy to get dressed most days but somehow i’m just a bit better than i was. i can […]
so. i guess, if i’m totally honest, what i want is sympathy. yknow? after so many therapists and psychiatrists and doctors and nurses being clinical, treating this all like it’s normal because they think it makes me feel better, i’m really tired. i once told a cousin of mine that i’d purposefully burnt myself and i regretted it once it started to blister, she said “oh, you poor thing!” i think about that a lot. we weren’t even sitting near each other, but all it took was for her, who was going through something similar, say something small, for once treat me like the kid that […]
i’m done. i’m so fuckin tired of sitting in chairs and wasting money on therapists who just drone on and on and on i don’t give a fucking shit i’m sick of talking. talking does nothing i just wanna do shit i need actions i’m done fucking thinking done done done this is exhausting and useless and i’m gonna fucking lose my mind if i sit for one more second so i’m getting up and getting out and getting shit gone
it’s a weird day, for sure. my head is pounding, i’ve been diagnosed with a freaky specific kind of ocd and they’re making me wear a mouthguard and bandages on my hands, i’m cold, and i feel like vomiting. on the upside, there’s a small rainbow on my wall, i have some cool bruises, and i like my socks. i don’t think i want to kill myself? i’m not really sure. i kinda wanna live as long as fuckin possible purely out of spite. i mean, one way or another i’m gonna die, right? might as well have some fuckin fun first. so, i think […]
i had a panic attack in a goodwill store today. i keep thinking i’ve hit my all time low, and then somehow i manage to fall just a little bit lower. it was embarrassing, but it was a lil one and i don’t think anyone noticed. they didn’t even notice when i fell asleep in the dressing room for a few hours, or when i pocketed a glass and walked home. it’s a cute little thing, cheap but pretty. i don’t even know what its purpose is, it’s far too small to be useful. but i saw it, and i just needed to take it. […]