Randall
I’ve been stuck in this for too long. Just reacting to randomness, which has made me crazy(er)
This is the movie you’ve been wanting to see.
The new car you finally buy after driving the old one 250,000 miles
The great job with super pay and benefits
The Saucony running shoes you’ve been needing for months
The two bedroom house with a garage and yard that’s not too big or small
This is death staring you in the face. It’s all yours soon. Reality.
Time to pay the ferryman…the piper…money where your mouth is
You’ve looked at it your whole life
Dreamed about it
Contemplated this way, then that way.
fantasized on what it will be like
Listened and read so many theories […]
As an FYI, if someone decides to suicide and they ‘think’ they’re going to get another shot at it or go to heaven or hell or see their girlfriend or grandma or you’ll be able to hover around to see these people that have driven you to this drastic act feel bad and guilty…. maybe not. This one shot at being human might be the only shot ever. Worth thinking about.
I’m reading this book by Tolstoy, Confession. At the age of 50 he decides suicide might be a good idea because he can’t find the meaning of life even though he’s wildly successful with his writings. The whole book is only 93 pages and I found it online. I’d copy the link, but do they allow that on Suicide Project? If you’re interested google Confession – Arvind Gupta and the whole book is in PDF format or I went to the library and got it.
“There is an old Eastern fable about a traveler who was taken by surprise in the steppes by a raging wild […]
I heard this talk by Jordan Peterson yesterday and it struck a major chord. Got me thinking…ya..I’d sooner deal with cancer and death.
“The people I have seen have been hurt mostly by deceit and that’s worth thinking about. You get walloped by life and there’s no doubt about that. For a long time I thought that maybe people can handle earthquakes, cancer and death, maybe, but they can’t handle betrayal and they can’t handle deception and they can’t handle having the rug pulled out from underneath them by people they love and trust. That just does them in. It makes them ill. It hurt them […]
“This ancient and mysterious charm conjures a magical guardian, a projection of all your most positive feelings. The Patronus Charm is difficult, and many witches and wizards are unable to produce a full, corporeal Patronus, a guardian which generally takes the shape of the animal with whom they share the deepest affinity. You may suspect, but you will never truly know what form your Patronus will take until you succeed in conjuring it.“—Miranda Goshawk‘s overview of the Patronus Charm[src]
I had left […]
Resentment has eaten me up for years. It’s wearing me down to the point where I’m making lists in my head of people that need to be killed or myself killed. Something’s gotta give because one or the other is gonna happen.
I got up and decided to pay attention to the whining and complaining I hear today. The stuff inside my own head and the stuff out there in the world.
Date: July 21, 2017
Time……………Place……………………….Whine Content
3:50am…………..Internet Home Page……Man holding a sign; No Ban, No Wall, Sanctuary for all. The man holding the sign looks pissed off. Sign might be heavy??
3:55am…………..News Content………………Trump complained about Jeff Sessions to NY Times
5:15am…………..YMCA Spin Class…………Woman on bike; weather’s too hot and the light in the hallway is annoying because it’s blinking on and off. Man beside her is loudly grunting during the […]
I just started reading this book called, “I’m thinking of ending things” by Iain Reid.
The first page describes my mind exactly. Matter of fact, in the last two days I planned and carried out my ‘end’ in great detail. All that’s left is to act on it. But..here I sit. Anyway, I’ll share it here because who else would really ‘get’ this? I just started the book, so I don’t know if it’s any good, but the first page grabbed me.
I’m thinking of ending things. Once this thought arrives it stays. It sticks. It lingers. It dominates. There’s not much I can do about it. […]
I don’t belong here. I could fight to belong. I could plead, beg, grovel, plan, deceive, lie, cheat, become a saint, pray, meditate, write, work for the down trodden, believe in god, raise my voice to the heavens, shake a fellows shirt so he’ll see me, reveal me to congeal me, but when I put my foot on the ground of a place I don’t belong…nothing, the puzzle piece doesn’t fit. Accept and move on.