Everything is bad. Â I have a bad relationship with my parents and brother and i always will. Â Everyday I go to school people mess with me. Â Girls dont’ like me, it would be more accurate to say they just hate me. Â I sit alone and cry in my room and pretend a girl is there hugging me and telling me they love me, but I know no one loves me. Â I never felt any real love from my family or anybody really, except my friends but I think Im just a burden on them most of the time. Â My family is very poor and I […]
isanyonethere
She is so beautiful. Â I dont really know her, but Ive talked to her a little. Â When I tell her goodbye at the end of the day and she says it back I get a big dumb smile on my face. Â But shes from a different world and my chances with her are at 0%. Â Then again my chances with anybody are 0%, so my chance with her is as good as with anybody else. Â But it doesnt matter because Im me. Â And thats not fair.
I was at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago and there were two cute girls working the counter and when I walked up I just felt like shit. Â I always feel like people watch and just think of me as a complete loser. Â I didn’t even want to go up to the counter because I was so nervous and intimidated because I thought they were just judging me as some pathetic asshole. Â Well, if I was them I would probably think the same think of me.
I’m 16 but I always feel like a child. Â I’m really smart and have the intelligence of some people older than me, but I’ve never gotten to do anything that made me feel like a teenager. Â I’ve never had sex, or kissed a girl, because I’ve never had a girlfriend. Â I wish I could do something that would make me feel older. Â Even if its something like smoking pot, if I could do it just once I think I would feel older. Â I feel inexperienced and completely uncomfortable around a lot of other teenagers.
I know I’m ugly, but you don’t have to look at me too often, you could just look down.
I know my voice is annoying, but I don’t have to talk, I could just listen.
I know I don’t have a job, but I have plenty of time to spend with you.
I know you don’t like me, but I like you, I like you a lot.
I was hoping so bad, so so bad, that a new girl would show up at school. Â I wanted one to show up so bad, so I wouldn’t be lonely any more. Â But it didn’t happen. Â It Didn’t Happen.
I want God to kill me. Â I want to be struck by lightning or hit by a car or something. Â Nothing ever gets better. Â I like to pretend one day a pretty new girl will show up at school and maybe she’d like me and we could become friends and then eventually she might want to be my girlfriend, but that won’t happen. Â There will never be anybody out there for me. Â I’m gonna die the way I lived, alone. Â My family and I have never gotten along and my friends seem like they don’t like me, they just hang around me because it would […]
I don’t think people like being around me. Â Friends tend to hang out and not invite me. Â If other people speak to me its usually just to mess with me. Â I wish I knew what was so wrong with me.
I like to go to a website called Literotica, not always for arousal, but usually to read romance stories. Â To read stories about people in love, or friends that have always liked each other, or other things like that. Â But usually I just get sad. Â I wish it was me in that story. Â I wish I knew what love and romance felt like, to feel that someone in this world has an undying love for me, that someone would have a butterflies in the stomach feeling for me and would just be content with holding each other and expressing our love until one day we […]
I feel like shit all the time. Â My back hurts all of the time, and for the past few days my stomachs been sick and I feel like I’m gonna vomit everywhere.
Besides that I have to go register at school tomorrow and try and fix my schedule so I dont have to take a floral design class. Â I dont look forward to this school year, Im just going to have to be around (for the most part) stupid fucking rednecks.
And every year before school I tell myself something might get better, maybe a new girl might move here and she might like me, but I […]
I’m sick of living here. Â Its hots, there are only two window units in this double wide trailer, in the middle of Texas during the summer. Â I wake up after two hours of sleep, sweating. Â There are roaches all over the kitchen, our only bathtub is unstable and its made out of plastic. Â Its also broken and duct taped together, and we cant fix any of this because were so fucking poor. Â My mom and I were fighting about this and she was telling how bad other people have it, well just because other people have it worse doesnt mean we have it good. Â I […]
Its really nice to be hugged, even if  you have to hug yourself because there is no other option.
Today was awful. Â My parents were fighting all day, then I got so sick of it I left. Â I was walking when i saw my friend at a movie in the park. Â I went and talked to him for a while then he said this friend of ours (a girl, one of his exs) wanted to come, so we went to get her and she gave me a hug because she hadnt seen me in a while. Â We went and watched the movie and it was fun, but afterward we went walking and they started playing around, smacking each others butts, (Theyre still really good […]
Im really lonely. Â I wish I had a girlfriend. Â That way someone would sit here and listen to me and maybe hold my hand. Â thats all I want. Â But theres nothing there, just an empty space. Â Theres always an empty space…
I’m so lonely. Â My best friend has been out of town for the past few weeks and might be gone the whole summer, and my other friends havent even talked to me in a month. Â Not even a call. Â No one cares about me. Â I cried more in the past three days then I have in a month. Â I just sit in my room and cry and think about how lonely I am. Â Why cant anybody like me. Â I just wish I knew what people hate about me so much. Â For a little while I pretend a girl is sitting next to me, talking but […]
I’ve been clawing at my face. Â Digging my nails into it and saying, “Go ahead and rip it off, rip off your ugly fucking face so no one has to ever see it again.” Â I just want to break everything reflective so I don’t have to look at it either.
I don’t like me. Â Nobody likes me. Â I don’t want to be Randall anymore. Â I want to be someone else. Â Someone happy, someone loved, someone who isn’t so damn ugly.
Today is my birthday. Â I hate my birthday. Â I am nothing to celebrate. Â Why would anybody be happy a freak like me is still living, maybe they’ll say it in the joys that I am one year closer to dying.
She’s a *****, for no reason. Â She doesn’t like me, and I’m kinda glad cause she is a slut. Â However I do hope one day I fuck her. Â I hope I grow up to be rich, then one day I’ll see her again and then she’ll approach me. Â I’ll fuck her and leave her and make her feel like shit. Â That may sound mean but I’m in a shit mood right now and could really give a fuck. Â Sorry.
Today was the last day of school. Â I’m officially done with 10th grade. Â That means I’ve got at least two more years of being completely fucking lonely and having to feel like I’m repulsive and hideous. Â At least I’ve got a three month break from having to see pretty girls who don’t give a fuck about my existence. Â I just wish I wasn’t such an ugly fuck, then maybe at least one girl could give me a pity date, but I can’t even get that now can I? Â Fuck. Â I wish I were dead. Â I wish I could just get away from all of this. […]