Madelene
Madelene
madelene-sophia lombardo. 20 years old lost my father to lung cancer on my 14 birthday and my mum to breast cancer 2 years later. am currently living with my older brother so much about my life that brings so much pain i just cant cope any longer.
what the FUCK am i doing to myself.
so i came on this website looking for help.
someone to talk to
and now ive pushed him away.
ive confused him
he probably the ONLY person that knows how to make me happy and make me value my life.
nothing but compliments.
and ive ruined it once again.
i have trouble openning up.
 i dont mean to make you feel as though you cant help me or that your not making me smile or i dont want to talk to you.
you make everything s much easier and i needed that.
im sorry but if i dont have you to talk to – i will go.
leave forever.
cease existing.
i love you
Lost more than ive loved. Why’d you leave that stupid letter – i was just starting to heal.
this is fucking pathetic
ive given up on myself.
i am lost for words – my butterflies are gone.
I killed them.
if i can only ever fail myself – ill only ever fail everyone around me.
i cant do anything right.
why..
because as soon i was going to do it, my puppy walks into the room, jumps on my lap, curls up and starts whimpering..
thats why i couldnt do it. i hated myself for not even thinking of her before doing it when she was the only thing that depended on me to stay alive.
selfish right..
so this will probably be my last post – ive decided to ‘depart’ tonight – two hours to be exact.
i really wish it didnt have to be this way..
but it is so theres no more pretending everything will get better
i know you will read this and probably be upset my baby – but you made my last couple of days worth every second and i love you with all of my heart and soul.
you deserve the best
confused
suicidal
LIVING
i dont know anymore. things get good and then fall aimlessly into nothing. so i wrote a poem..
there is a woman wearing my clothes and my hair, smell, and my skin – but it isnt me..
sin is like ink, it bleeds into a person – colouring, making you someone other than you used to be. try as much as you want, you just cannot get yourself back..
words can’t pull me back from the edge – neither can daylight
this isnt something to get over. its an atmosphere i need to learn to breathe – take it into my lungs with every gasp as if im holding […]
is there a rule about killing yourself on your birthday…?
sometimes i wonder what the point of living this life is.
i cant go one day without needing reassurance.. im alone hate my life and am hurting at levels i never imagined possible..
i need someone..
anyone
i cant find one good thing about myself – i hate this feeling
someone please help me.. i need someone to talk to