Killing myself tonight. Everything is lost. I’ve been on here for a year, yet I can’t only have this.
A lot has been changing in my life lately.  With all the treatment shit and then I got a therapist.  I don’t really know if the therapy helps.  Professional help is just not my  thing.  Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself.  I haven’t been on here for weeks and it’s like a large chunk of my life is missing as odd as that sounds.  I thought I had come to a point where I didn’t have to rely on SP anymore, truth is, it has made me half of who I am.  I feel like I’m going crazy, god damn it.  At least crazier […]
Not really help? Â I mean, they’re supposed to be understanding but they’re just not.
For those that remember me I tried killing myself and ended up in a treatment center for twenty three days. Â How have you all been?
I hate having a friend that has a life. Â It makes me feel so out of place. Â Honestly, It’s like I need that person but they don’t need me. Â It’s the truth, and it sucks. Â Really, they are just there out of pity. Â Pity, pity, pity. Fuck you, pity.
Yeah whatever.
Oh shit. Â Oh shit. Â Oh shit. Â Oh shit. Â Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh fennec foxes. Oh shit. Oh shit. Â Oh shit I fucked up so much and am just worsening what’s already bad. Â Oh shit.
. . . if I knew you all in real life, I would totally make you guys some really good food 🙂
“Confidence is 10% hard work, and 90% delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want”
I was fed such fallacious bullshit. Â Fetch that medicine, but I’m done ingesting it like a puppet, kay?
What I aim to disclose, is all this ‘you can get anywhere with confidence’ is going to make me narcoleptic in due time. I’m pretty jaded already. Â What I perceived is, whether my effort is made with or without morale; it ultimately ends up the same. Â Abominable or indifferent. Â It’s just so invariable. Â A situation where effort is put forth with or without confidence is so analogous to […]
Nobody tells the future. Â Futures don’t have infinite linearity to each distinctive, singular life. Â I have more future then past in my life right now. Â And they say . . . live for that. Â Truth be told, no – we can not undergo a set-in-stone determination of what the future will be. But the implications of life now can decide what the future might be like. Â Life is bad right now, driving me to the last of me, all done by my own hand. Â What makes it worse, is I can’t pick out any possibility for a future with a good outcome.
Quiero morir
Déjame ir
Somebody told me today to write three paragraphs about something that would make me want to stick around.
So here it is. Â And it might come as a surprise:
To stop being selfless. It’s the only thing that has even slight potential to want to make me live. I realized that I’ve always done things for others. I was always there for everybody else. I always worked to please others. I made sure to take anybodies problems on to my own shoulders when I could.
Then the thing I realized that’s killing me is . . . guilt. When I can’t make things go right for anybody I […]