Rants

13

Unrequited — Got Me All Wrong

January 31st, 2015by killswitchon

“Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the light of Eärendil, our most beloved star. May it be a light for you, in dark places, when all other lights go out.”? — Lady Galadriel, LOTR

Hopes, dreams, lusts, falls
maybe im the king of the fall
im so used to it
its second nature
beast of your creation
yet you blame me
call me a cocksucker one more time
this is the man i remember
where have you been all my life father
never mind you
nights sink to darkness blacker than my soul
misery is my company
sadness and anger are comrades in hate
i set my eyes to the evening star
the place where i go when hope is …

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11

Hateful words sting

January 31st, 2015by Streamers

They do.

I write song lyrics, and I shared them with someone for the first time ever today.

I get told that they’re horrible, but that I’m even worse of a singer. Singing is one of the only things I still enjoy.

The words hurt so bad. It’s all I can think of at the moment. I’ve poured what’s left of my heart and soul into the words I wrote.

Can I really be that bad?

Maybe I am. Just another reason to go.

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3

fuck it

January 30th, 2015by thelost

FUCK IT MY GIRLFRIEND WHOM I LOVE NEVER GAVE A FUCK ABOUT ME. I’M FUCKING WORTHLESS. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE. SHE THINKS I’M THE SAME AS HER ASSHOLE RAPIST EX BOYFRIEND AND TWO WORTHLESS ASSHOLES THAT ARE ALSO HER EXES SO WHY SHOULD I FUCKING TRY. IM GOING TO OVERDOSE ON MY HAPPY PILLS AND IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW IT WORKS HOW IT HURTS IM GONE. FUCKING HELL MAN. ITS WORTH NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE. LIKE I WAS NOTHING TO HER. I GIVE

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4

Mission Psychobabble

January 30th, 2015by killswitchon

“What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient… highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed – fully understood – that sticks; right in there somewhere.” — Cobb, Inception

Mission Initiated:
This message will self destruct in three minutes,
Chaos
Patience
Fight
Tip toe your way through the underbrush of society
Never leaving a foot print
When asked?
It’s just a stint
A small role
You question,
Who me?
What am I?
Manifest destiny
Society’s sterile, no vasectomy
You, are a story waiting to be told
A legend
Lucky number seven
I, am number four
Strong and systematic to my core
Overzealous zealots of zion
Dont …

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1

I feel silly

January 30th, 2015by ill.b.okay

I don’t belong here. . . My brother is constantly going on about how he’s depressed and that apparently means that I should do things for him and he tries to make me feel guilty saying things like how our dad (who adopted and raised him) likes me more than him and treats me like a princess and just makes his life miserable when all he ever does is sit in his room and play video games. . . and I just moved in with my dad and his family last summer and its the first time in my life I’ve had him in my …

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3

Virtual Reality is escape from boring reality sucks , Virtual Reality is escape from boring real world sucks , Virtual Reality is escape from boring real life suck !

January 30th, 2015by niki

Virtual Reality is escape from boring reality suck ,
Virtual Reality is escape from boring real world suck ,
Virtual Reality is escape from boring real life sucks !

We all know that this Reality / Real-world / Real-life is very LIMITED / LIMITING !
everyday we do the same routines , chores , go make money , make money / profits , go to boring shitty jobs because of money , and then we go have fun, party, sex, entertainment etc etc , and then it repeats again !
What’s so interesting about that ??
I’ve observed that most people who actually LOVE all those boring things …

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4

I’m sorry

January 30th, 2015by Streamers

How have they not seen anything?

How I haven’t eaten properly in a month, eating dinner at most. I skip breakfast,  lunch, and stopped eating snacks.

How do they not see how I don’t hydrate myself? I never drink in front of others. And I haven’t been able to drink anything without being plagued with deadly thoughts. I drink at most a glass of water a day, usually less.

How do they not see that I haven’t put my heart in anything for a very long time?

I’m a lost cause. Plain and simple.

To anyone who has ever cared, thank you. To the rest, good bye.

 

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3

Exhausted

January 30th, 2015by christinethevampire

So, so tired. So completely exhausted. With everything, with trying, with life.

Exhausted with wearing this mask that I wear so well. Blending in is easy. Smile and laugh. Make other people smile and laugh. So easy. Be intelligent. Be financially stable. Have goals. All perfect masks no one knows you’re wearing. Keep your mask on. Taking it off makes other people feel uncomfortable.

So exhausted.

Sleep doesn’t come easy and if it did it wouldn’t be enough. Never could be enough.

Forever a Vampire.

But I’m so tired. So, so tired. Of living for others, of hoping,

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1

Why am I so pathetic?

January 29th, 2015by Streamers

To think I had a chance to change today… I just threw it away.

I can’t even let people in anymore. My relationships with everyone are based off of a fake person I created to hide behind.

Today in English, we had to write an essay about when we struggled with a choice but made the right one.  I haven’t made a good choice for a long time, and with my mind out of it, the only thing I thought of after I saw struggled with a choice were my failed suicide attempts.

I may not be dead on the outside yet, but I’m long dead on the …

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2

January 29th, 2015by Pretend Girl

I was encouraged by impefertluck to write tonight.

There are so many people hurting and so much pain. Know you can get through your personal struggle and hurts. It can often seem like you can’t. Feelings lie. Maybe that sounds pretentious. Feelings lead us to conclude things we never would have if the feelings hadn’t been so strong.

I have dealt with my depression for over 20 years. I had counseling but no one listened to me when I talked about the pain of my family life so many years before. So, instead of understanding that the depression came from a situation I had no control over, …

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6

Their charade was the event of the season

January 29th, 2015by impossible_girl

Are there other people out there that aren’t fake? Is there actually a realistic chance of being able to actually be the person I am without fear of people walking away from me, of having friends without having to jump through metaphorical hoops just to keep people in my life? Why am I, the one with Borderline Personality Disorder, the most genuine person I know? Because I’m starting to have serious doubts about the existence of other real people.

I’m starting to wonder if you only get ahead in life by being a fraud. A liar. But I’m tired of being …

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3

Kill me now

January 28th, 2015by Streamers

Kill me. Someone. I don’t care. Just kill me. I never succeed on my own anyway.

I can’t bring the knife down without the weird, uncomfortable, nails scratching on a chalkboard feeling running down my spine.

The pills never work.

The cord always snaps.

And where in the world am I gonna find a gun?

Get me out of this world. Get me out.

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14

Feels like life is a joke

January 27th, 2015by JMS1982

Firstly, I cannot end it, no matter how much I’d like to – I have 2 kids who adore me, and it is entirely for them that I continue to breathe.

I just feel like my life from start to finish has been one endless joke, and I thought that maybe if I considered this statement more fully, I may begin to revise it. But no.

I look back on my childhood with little happiness – I was the gawky kid that everyone made fun of – I had severe acne, didn’t know how to make friends and didn’t do terribly well academically. Boys were not interested …

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0

Smiling

January 27th, 2015by Voidt

Sitting there blank-faced, forcing a smile has to be the painful scene that I act-out, every-day. Why do we need to smile… is it a law of nature ? People just do not understand that a smile indicates a positive in a persons life; but constant-sometimes it has no-reason- pain cannot produce a smile, naturally.

Forcing myself into this smile, is as pathetic as insisting that “I’m fine” when I’ve clearly drank almost two bottles of wine — the latter is painfully funny, but the former is just painful. I can do laughing  — laughing is part of a momentary reaction to a funny act, event, notion, thought or an uttered …

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9

Nothing ends…

January 27th, 2015by LoveLost55

I feel nothing for anyone around me. Those that say they care, are more easily consumed by their own interests.  I hate my life.  I hate waking in the morning, the façade of a life I present to others, the happiness I show people daily, and, more so, not being able to sleep with my own thoughts at night.  Why do I continue?  […]

2

Tomorrow

January 26th, 2015by Streamers

Well, Annie owes me her bottom dollar…

I can’t take it anymore, I can’t.  I’ve been taunted, teased, and emotionally tortured for way too long.

I break down at the simplest thing. I’ve lost every bit of my will to go on.

All that is left is a yearning for death and escape.

I don’t have school tomorrow, that gives me plenty of time to plan and act.

I have nothing keeping me here, so why stay?

I’m leaving.

Sadly, no one’s gonna miss me when I’m gone.

3

Sacrifice

I don’t know if anybody is going to read this, I don’t know how this works, but I hope it helps me… I’ve been having a lot of problems at home, with my dad being mad at my mom and I, barely acknowledging that we live there too. There is just too much tension and […]

10

No more feelings

January 26th, 2015by RedSmile

I reached a point where all the reasons to leave this world are strongest that the ones to stay. Something brokes in me, I can’t feel anything but hate, and this hate is slowly killing me from the inside, so I’m starting to wonder why shouldn’t I end this myself.

I don’t know what to do. All I asked was love but in my life, I’ve just known the wrong side of it. I was the one who was loving, never the one loved. And a lot of time, I thought that it will be it, that the nightmares will finally end but only false hope …

5

So Close

January 26th, 2015by Streamers

I was so close to admitting it. I nearly told my science teacher, who I don’t really don’t trust that much…

I didn’t pay a bit of attention in class, I just envisioned how it would go down.

I tried to tell her, but as the tears started to fill my vision, I choked. I swallowed the words and made up some lame excuse.

I’m lost, so very lost.  And even when I spend 30 minutes preparing, I still can’t talk.

What do I do?

After I walked out of science class, I told myself that it’s already been 5 years, what’s another?

I know that I’ve reached the point where …

1

Music

January 25th, 2015by Streamers

Thank goodness for music.

I would be dead without it.

Still, people try and take it from me.

Why can’t they just leave me to the misery and music?

I would rather be miserable there then me miserable and hiding.

Today was miserable. I learned quite a bit about my father, fighting, and security guards and there unreliability.

Leave me to my music.