Rants

13

To sleep or not to sleep….

December 21st, 2014by three.moons

That is the question.

Do you guys ever dread going to bed, no matter how tired you might be, because you know once you get there you will be attacked by fear, sadness, loss, emptiness, and gut wrenching wailing, sobbing, the kind of crying where you don’t care if the neighbors can hear you, where the tears and snot soak your pillow, where you just can’t stop no matter how long it goes on, how hard it hurts, you’re locked in a fetal position, terrified, petrified, and lost..

 

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4

why me?

December 19th, 2014by heyimlost

Hi guys.

Just a while ago my mom got mad at me, cause as always, we’re having money problems. She gets mad pretty much every week, saying she’s tired of working so hard, saying we’re of no help at all. Every time she does I end up crying because all the shit that comes out of her mouth just reinforces my thoughts about myself. But I know that my mother loves us very much, she really is just tired and all that crap, still, why do I always have to go through this shit?

Just because I’m the one who is always at home, because …

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4

Been A While

December 17th, 2014by Scarlett Dawn

It has been such a long time since I’ve posted on here. Maybe its because I feel like I have been improving a lot with my ongoing treatement, but lately I feel like I’ve been slipping backwards.

I just became aware of the emotionally abusive relationship I was in with my “best friend” and now, I fear my safety. I have been advised to get an AVO against her, but I don’t want to involve the police.

After my physically abusive ex boyfriend four years ago, I just don’t understand how I didn’t see her for what she really was. Even when I was aware – I …

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1

Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?

December 17th, 2014by niki

Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.

there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!

This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .

Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money (rich and poor), resources, …

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3

We’re all fighting the same battle.

December 17th, 2014by livinginthepast

Coming on this site has made me realize how many of us around the world have stories that teach us we are not alone in the hurt and suffering. Maybe in some solemn sort of way we are all one note away from playing the same song. Perhaps this site shall be our choir and our songs shall live on…

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7

My only way out

December 16th, 2014by flipnflap

I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, pussy attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with …

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2

One Day I’ll Lose This Fight

December 15th, 2014by BrightestMoon

I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here. What I’m doing on this site. What I’m doing in this chair. Why I’m anywhere but six feet under. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t want to be here. Hell, nobody wants me here. I say we cut our loses and toss me over a building.

Of course there’s people that object to this. There always is. They win me over with reason, pull me back over the edge. What they don’t realize is that when they pull me onto the ‘safe’ side, it’s just as deep as the edge of a building. The only difference is it …

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4

Do you ever feel like…

December 14th, 2014by thatgirl80

You just don’t fit? Like everything has just come together wrong and you somehow stopped being right in your own life (if you ever even were) and there’s just no place for you? Like maybe you just came off the assembly line broken? I’m feeling that way tonight (or actually this morning because I’ve spent five hours sitting here contemplating this). Wrong choices, wrong people, wrong planet maybe. I feel like I just don’t fit anywhere, like I never have been “right”, something was wrong from the get-go. It’s been a long time since I have been this low, since I have sat back and …

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3

It is inevitable.

December 13th, 2014by DancerToADiscordantSystem

I don’t even know anymore.I got completely hammered in hopes of…i don’t know,maybe getting my mind off of things.Not surprisingly,it feels even worse than when i’m sober.All the time it’s the same,just with varying degrees of shittiness. When you’re drunk,suffering and depression feels even more tangible than it’s usual abstract,existential nature.It’s inescapable.Thank you for existing SP.

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8

Not tonight, but soon

December 13th, 2014by lucidfeverdream

I’m done.  I’m not going to kill myself tonight, maybe not even tomorrow.  After Friday at the earliest when I get paid.  So I can at least have a last meal.  Even depraved psychos get a last meal right?  So I don’t know when I’m going to do it.  But as it seems I might not have a place to live after December or January.

I always wanted to write a novel, or some short stories at the very least.  I never had any sort of delusion that they would get published or anything.  But posting it online, maybe even have a half dozen of people …

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10

My thoughts

December 12th, 2014by alex

Why cant i go a day without thinking of killing myself? Its like a constant struggle to continue to live in this world. Everything is just so meaningless to me now. Is there even a real point to continue living and moving forward or are we just fooling oursleves when we say “it will get better”.

When i use to try and ask for help to stop these thoughts people only made it worse by telling me there is something wrong with me and i should go to a therapist but all they would do is put me on pills. I dont wanna go on …

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3

Why in the hell do I suck?

December 12th, 2014by Lostinthecosmos

I suck. Everybody hates me. I hate myself. I have no family, no friends, my coworkers hate me. I don’t even know why. I seem to bring out a visceral hate in everybody I encounter. If not for my dog, I’d be dead already. Ironically, I have a big heart and am usually attempting to be nice and helpful. But, it inevitably backfires. Cheers.

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49

Yup, I’m a fucking pedophile

December 12th, 2014by blackstrat

Well, this is my first post here and I might as well start off by telling everyone why suicide sounds pretty great right now. I’m not attracted to girls like guys should be. I’m not attracted to other guys either. Well, I kinda am. Guys between the ages 2 and 10. Yup you read that right.

Ok, let me explain some things first; a pedophile is NOT a child molester. I’ve never hurt a kid and I never will, because I have a conscience. I love kids, so I don’t see why I’d ever want to do something as horrible and selfish as raping one. Not …

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3

I hate the fact I exist

December 12th, 2014by Ch3rryb36r

Why does a piece of shit like me exist? I deserve everything that happened to me. People like me don’t deserve life. I don’t care for anyone except one person. I don’t care for my own family or most of my friends. I damn deserve the hits to my face because I never do anything right. I deserve to be called a whore because that is what I am. I decided to try to dance. And I deserved to be sexually assaulted at 13. I damn deserved that shit. I deserve to have the type of anyone parents I have. And parents who want to …

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9

Confused

December 11th, 2014by woahshar

hey guys. My mom and I haven’t been talking for a week now because I did something stupid. I lit a paper using a lighter because I liked the smell of the burning paper. I did it while sitting in the toilet. My mom smelled the smoke and she started yelling at me. She said things like “it’s bad for your heart and your brain.” “That’s probably why you’re so stupid.” And then the next morning, she told my dad and then my dad scolded me and said that I was stupid and that I’m an addict. And also that my brain is probably damaged …

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12

i cant help him anymore

December 10th, 2014by E

its probably really fucking nasty of me, but i cant handle it, fuck it, my friend, one of my best actually, refuses to get help, and i understand that its scary but he cant use me as that person i cant help him anymore, its making me more suicidal than i would be if he just got help. he needs it but instead lays all that weight, that pressure on me when i know i cant help him like he needs.

i cant help him when or how he needs it and it makes me feel worse, i just want to end it so i dont …

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3

Why do people have to be filled with hate?

December 10th, 2014by Sabrina Mercer

Recently, One of the guys I’ve liked for a long time had told me he loved me and started to give me general sweet talk. He told me we should be together. I eventually broke up with my current boyfriend at the time for this guy. When I did, He told me that It wouldn’t work and that I should go back to my ex. He played me and it honestly broke my heart to hear that. Awhile after that, I took a razor blade across my skin again today. That makes eleven new markings upon my wrist.

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3

Taking Responsibility

December 10th, 2014by impossible_girl

A few weeks back, there was a story on NPR about the 115 page report that had just been published on the Sandy Hook shooter.  The news anchor recapped how his parents hadn’t been aware of how far his mental state had deteriorated, how the mental healthcare system had failed in this instance.  And at the very end of the report, the anchor added something to the effect of, “The authors are making it clear they aren’t pointing fingers at anyone.”

Of course not.  Let’s expand on that, shall we?  Let’s not just look at the Sandy Hook shooter.  No, I’m sure children who relentlessly bully …

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1

hell desk and general overview

December 10th, 2014by nonono

overview, i’m leaving out a lot of stuff. sorry if it’s dumb and sorry for my grammar errors:

i’ve worked at two callcenters and two help desks for the past two years. when working at a tech support/customer service telecom call center i was always told help desks where what you would find at the end of the phone answering rainbow: the workload is lighter and callers are company employees, so they must know how to do their jobs and probably have legitimate IT questions….. they’re the same and that’s bullshit.

i think it’s hella dehumanizing having to answer phones for 9+ hrs straight day in day …

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