Rants

1

Chicken out

June 24th, 2016by Specter

Well, I did it. I finally caved in and sent an email to the people who sounded like they were ready to hire me for a job, and told them how much I doubted my ability to even be useful to them, and that I’d hate to waste their time even traveling down to meet them just to realize it wouldn’t work out. Basically the opposite of what any normal human being does when desperately searching for job, when you’re supposed to lie and over-inflate your abilities, and smile and say yes no matter how many details of the job make you realize you don’t …

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3

If only I had the nerve

June 23rd, 2016by camjace

I’ve been depressed on and off for at least 6 years. The past couple of years it’s been pretty consistent. I would have good days or weeks or sometimes even months, though those were rare. I met a girl about two years ago. I fell for her so fast and so hard. We live in different states, about ten hours away. We were together for a little over a year and eight months until she broke up with me a month and a half ago. She could make me happy no matter how bad I was doing. But just like everything else in my life, …

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1

Suicidal and Confused

June 22nd, 2016by snugglepuff

Well, I never thought I would post something like this and honestly its kind of weird but what the hell. As I type this my husband is sleeping next to me, and has no care in the world. Me on the other hand, I carry the weight of all of the care and pain. This is my story.

I am 24 years old, and I currently do not see even a glimpse of a promising happy future. It weird because I am in college and successful at it; I’m smart,have tons of motivation, and can light up a room. But, just as much as I can …

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3

Coming Back As Awkward As Ever (but hi I love you)

June 22nd, 2016by haileewantstobehappy

Happy Wednesday morning, everyone. I went through the effort to check my phone and see what day it is just so I could say happy Wednesday, see, I care that much about wishing everyone a happy day, you can say a lot of shit about me, but you can’t say I don’t care. If you were bored enough to read this and don’t know me, my name is Hailee, hi. If you were bored enough to read this and do know me, hi. Sorry I can’t think of anything more creative to say, and I have been wanting ever so slightly to post on here …

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3

June 20th, 2016by kamidaka

Today, a guy I met some time ago confessed his feelings for me.

But I can’t feel anything. I kinda feel sad but at the same time I don’t? It’s like, I’m so good at faking emotions that my act makes me believe I feel sad. But I really don’t, inside me there’s just the familiar void.

He thinks I understand him perfectly, but that’s not true. I just listen to what he has to say, and he doesn’t even know me.

What should I do? It’s not even possible for me to have a boyfriend because my parents would get rid of him. And I also don’t …

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6

Quitting the rat race

June 19th, 2016by Somehow

I’ll vent some stuff here, so I won’t blame you any wary feelings towards reading the upcoming wall of text. Forgive my English, since I’m no native speaker. Feel free to look for any reflection on your thoughts, to feed yourself with some cheap text for judging its author, or whatever. We both know there’s no real discussion nor influence on this, and despite the appearances making you feel you decide to read this on your own, you weren’t raised thinking your life would come at some point to get reading a suicide posts board.

So, yes. I know I’m going to do it. I’ve no …

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2

Too much

June 19th, 2016by A.ddleAide

I think too much. I know I think too much and it scares me. It scares me that I can’t turn it off and pisses me off when I’m not in control. I need to be in control. Over the years, I’ve learned the hard way to always be the asshole and to protect myself first at all costs. Yes, that is selfish, but sometimes I think that maybe being a little selfish in life isn’t such a bad thing and then thinking about that makes me feel worse. Some days, I can tune it out a little, on other days I’m overwhelmed, flooded. I’m …

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8

A life with autism is a life not worth living

June 19th, 2016by worthless-retard

Autism has destroyed my life ever since I was a child and it doesn’t seem like a cure is anywhere in the near future. My whole life I’ve had great hopes and dreams, to become a historian and travel the world. On the outside I am living that dream. I just graduated from ASU summa cum laude with a 4.o, prestigious universities are offering me scholarships for grad school, and now I am living in Bulgaria, one of the countries I’ve always loved studying and next month I will be travelling to Serbia, another country of interest. It all sounds so great, but I’ve had …

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1

Depression vs Me

June 19th, 2016by punkcinderella

I like to be creating things, always thinking of weird bizarre maybe pointless but beautiful things. Things don’t have to have a point to be doing them, I do it because I like it. I like hanging out with my friends, even the ones that you can only handle in small doses. Going to parties, spending time with my family, cooking, and gossiping. I go to church as often as I can and say my prayers with hopeful eyes cast at the paintings. I dance around with my music turned as loud as it can go. Try to find ways to sneak out of the …

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2

Hope. Loss. Exhaustion.

June 18th, 2016by 121115

Hope is one of the cruelest feelings on earth. It tricks you into thinking that everything will get better, that the present isn’t as bad as it seems, and that those who made you feel like garbage have some redemption.

I really, really hate hope.

I thought my parents were beginning to understand me. I was more wrong about that than I have been about anything in my entire life.

My father wants the addresses of every single friend that I go see. He checks the mileage on my car to see how much I’ve been traveling and if it matches up with what I tell him. He …

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14

Hatred

June 16th, 2016by kamidaka

There’s this classmate I have. She has the same dream I had when I was still a human being: to be an animator. She knows a lot of things that I know, she likes anime, her parents support her, she has a lot of money and she really enjoys studying in that university. But she’s very ugly, mean to weak people and talks so fucking loud ffs.

I want to harm her so badly. She has everything I would want to have, and has the opportunity to live the dream. But I won’t let her.

Here’s the deal: if I get to live the dream, then I won’t …

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4

Update/would you kindly

June 16th, 2016by Deadinside59

I’m home finally they all love me so much but the bad news is i still feel like my former darkness is still shadowing me I’m going to hold on aa long as i can then when my last ounce of strength is gone ill end it anyway i binge watched tokyo ghoul (anime) and fucking loved it anyway to explain something we have a LOT of artists and talented people here on sp and only you guys know what it’s truly like so with that being said if anyone wants to send me a picture they’ve drawn if i like it I’ll get it …

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4

The Night of the Gun

June 14th, 2016by OddBlueBoy

I really have had the chance to kill myself. When he handed me the gun, he said “take this, incase anything happen to you”. Little did he know, i wanted to be the one to cause my demise. One single bullet. Loaded. Pressed against my temple once, in my mouth the other. He had no clue… He was drunk and hype that he beat up moms ex. Wanted me to like him too. As soon as he left; i was at head with god. A single bullet between us. I was too chicken shit though. I was too scared of the afterlife. The possibility of burning …

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4

My suicide project.

June 14th, 2016by OddBlueBoy

Hey, they call me Odd. It’s nice to share my story with you.

First off, im not killing myself… Yet. I’m trying to push for another 10 months of living. I’ll be 18, in April. I’ve decided to tell my story now, just incase i jump the gun a little early.

Where do I start? This is kind of like a “my moment” type of thing. So, how can I personally catch your attention, long enough, to hear me out?

I’ll start by asking; “have you ever been sad?”

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8

People Are causing Me To suffer

June 13th, 2016by GerbzBaby

image

(A mini drawing I drew to help calm my nasty thoughts :/ )

 

All my friends and family are unsupportive and them not being here for me is causing me to suffer. Day after day after day all I think about is suicide but.. I’m to much of a chicken to fucking do it. I want to live but then again I want to die.. In the least painful way.. I’ve been waiting for so long to find those friends who finally care.. The day my family finally realizes I have a problem and I need their …

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10

I’m not a nihilist.

June 13th, 2016by whiskered-fish

I don’t believe that all life is pointless, meaningless, futile, and valueless.

Just mine. Just my life.

 

Right now, living feels like…having to hang around at a party that you never really wanted to go to, but that your friend dragged you to anyway, and he’s your transportation, so you can’t leave without him. You’re stuck in this random person’s house surrounded by strangers who all don’t know you and all of whom you find you can’t even manage to connect with. I don’t want to be here. Shouldn’t that be all that matters?

So why can’t I just leave this stupid party? Why do I have to …

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1

Fighting

June 13th, 2016by AshCoveredAngel

So I’ve calmly explained to my family that my child needs to eat all day.

And then they wonder why I’m suddenly screaming full bore about how they need to eat.

It’s day 3 of them not having an appetite. It’s a fact toddlers do this but mine absolutely CANNOT do this.

They have failure to thrive and we’re in the closing stages of a child services investigation. I’ve successfully brought them home from foster care but our battle isn’t over. The state is going to continue harassing us, even after the case is closed.

I can’t afford my child losing any kind of weight. …

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29

The truth is…

June 13th, 2016by 121115

No one will ever believe you, in all of truth’s entirety, until you’re dead. No one will completely understand the pain you were going through or how serious you were, until they find your body.

Not your parents, not your friends, not your doctors.

You only have yourself until you’re dead.

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4

I am not selfish

June 13th, 2016by reader11

I don’t get how people claim suicide is selfish. those people have never felt the pain that some do. at this point in my life I don’t see any other way out of all this, I’m so sad and alone, suicide seems like the only thing that I can do. I am not selfish, I’m just hurting, and I don’t know how much more I can take in this world..

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2

June 13th, 2016by burdengirl

I am at my wits end in life. Normally I am able to pull through when things get tough but lately I am seriously considering killing myself. I understand that everyone goes through life drama but I don’t think I am strong enough to carry everything on my shoulders anymore. I am 18 and as of right now I feel alone. I was raped from the time I was 7 until I was 11 by my stepbrothers and their friends. I never said anything to anyone because (as a little girl) I believed what they told me .. That they would break up my family. …

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