March 2nd, 2015by Streamers
I can’t figure that one out.
I wait….I linger…
I want truth I yearn for an answer.
But truth is not a reality offered by the do it yourself god salesmen.
I WANT to believe but I am not dumb enough to buy the well it has no influence on reality or the ohhh it has nothing to do with reality people.
The truth is NOT religion is basically a BS I will believe personal rant….
NONE of that has ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING….
Unless God is standing back stay ohhh yeah hah hah hah that is stupid….I don’t care about how much CRAP people do in my name….roflmao…..yeah……unless god is a teenage moron. He/she does …
Im female, I’m 14 and have been self harming for 3yrs now. I was raped 5 times all by different people, beat by my step mom, ignored by my father, and I have tried to kill myself countless times. I have a few close friends that know what I’ve gone through and I have a girlfriend who is completely oblivious to the shit I’ve gone through… I just wanted to put a brief summary of my story out there so people know that sometimes it could be worst. Try and stay strong
There comes a time in someones life where things hit rock bottom, then you think you are as far as you can get when you are wrong.
What I mean by this is things get worse when you think the possibilities of life getting worse are next to nothing and they can only get better, well I bring you news life can get worse then you think it could.
So today this is my suicidal note and goodbye for the world, today is the day everything is going to end for me.
I have been hospitalised three times for cutting, (in attempt to commit.)
This time it’s going to …
I’m back to yearning for blood. To feel it pool on my lips as I pick them open.
I’m back to crying the day away.
I’m back to complete and utter emptiness.
And I’m back to looking into the means I have.
At least I’m slightly rational.
Not for much longer though.
It’s all there, just waiting to lead me to death.
Has any completed or started doing ECT? (Electroconvulsive Therapy )
I’m pretty much giving up on the “normal” forms of treatment. I know 15 different meds and 15 different psychiatrists might not seem like a lot to some people on here but I feel I have already suffered enough as a result of those treatment options.
At this point if I do go back to “normal” treatments I have a list of antidepressants I cannot take based off of genetic testing and I will absolutely refuse to take a mood stabilizer again because if I do take one I’ll probably be dead withing 2 weeks …
lately my mental health hasn’t been too well.
i feel like i’m wearing a mask.
i am the happy and energetic person with my friends, but when i get home it’s like i’m a totally different person.
i always feel so unhappy and i feel like there’s something missing.
it took me a lot of courage to actually type this out.
i’ve started self-harming
i’m surprised no one has noticed all the scratches on my wrist, but i’ve been trying to hide it.
i’ve gone from scratching myself with fingers and biting myself
to pazors and compass points
but i want something more
i want to cut, but
i don’t want to see the blood
see all …
I know people who are kind, and think they are never unkind. I know people who cars for some but not others. And it hurts.
My reading teacher asked yesterday, “Aren’t I the kindest teacher you’ve ever met?”
My answer was no. I even told her that she has hurt my feelings multiple times, but I didn’t tell her why. (She was shocked) I doubt she would understand.
Nearly everyone has hurt me. Because they just don’t care.
And without the caring and kindness of others, I’m lost. I try and be kind to others, but if no one cares, it sets a bad example.
I hate to say I’m …
Ever since I was born, I have always been a shy person. I would try to ignore my own feelings to help others. In fact, I was forced to at such a young age since my friends were all a few months younger than me. Therefore, since I was the eldest, I was the one who got reprimanded and to my young mind, did everything wrong. This idea was reinforced by my mother shouting at both me and my dad a lot. My dad and her yelled at each other every night. They tried to hide it from me, but I was a poor sleeper. …
I don’t have Internet connection on a regular basis so if I want to write a post for this site I have to pre-write it and save it fir when I do have Internet. This is a bummer in one way because if I don’t have my laptop the next time I get Internet I can’t post it or if I have it on my flash drive but only have my cell phone the next time I have Internet then I can’t post it either.
So, now that I have that all explained away, I suppose I will update those who care or are even …
We are on different sides on the globe. She agreed to let me fly to her place for a few days. After that I learned I’m unloved, as usual.
She’s suicidal and have emotional problems. But she has an interesting life and all sorts of exciting experience. I have nothing.
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been in a long relationship.
I have a stable 9-6 job. I have a master degree. I have good friends and family. I’ve always been a good student, employee, friend, and daughter. I excel in many areas but romantic life.
Don’t fucking ask me to just focus on other areas in life …
4 days ago • Rants
Sometimes i feel it would be just so much easier to give in to temptation… to let the blade make me forget everything i worry about. Every now and then i wonder why i put myself through all this grief and stress when i could make it all go away and never have to worry about a single thing ever again… bad late night thoughts that haunt me.
I won’t say I didn’t truly feel something for you. I don’t really feel it as much now of course after everything that has transpired. And let’s be honest, my emotions are kinda like the wind — fickle. Very fickle. I can love somebody in one moment and the next, gone! Emotions all gone. I almost feel bad because I lead people on because of it. You and I are very similar. I see why you said those things. I see why you do it. I see why you seek love. I see why. I don’t blame you really. I hate your treatment of me …
I feel bad right now.. I keep doing bad things, but suddenly sometimes I get a moment of clear mind, I feel guilty from what I’ve done. But later on when my mind is hazy, I’ll start doing those bad things again.. The hell is wrong with my brain. I don’t want to do it yet here I am. I hate my own self. I hate my own indecisiveness. I gradually become worsen, am I not? I need to maintain my good side for the sake of my family and friends, while in an other side, I practically became darker and darker. T-T how should …
…back at home. And tonight for what I believe is the third time in four daysI have had to call rhe local police department to aks them to check the area for this female that continues to come to our bedroom window at night and call out to my man. She calls him by name, taps on the window, flashes a light into our room and just pesters the fuck out of me if I’m in the room or does whatever it is she does with/to my man when I am not in the room. The difference between the last two times I have called …
Will it ever end? Will it ever stop? I have so many questions and no answers for any of them. I have no idea what anyone else reality is but i can tell you for sure that mine is shit. I have absolutely nothing to stand on, no foundation or stable ground that I can always rely upon for safety or otherwise. Does anyone know what i am talking about?
I seem to chase away everyone that I love because I am so tired of hurting them all of the time. Every emotion that I have comes across as angry, even when I am hurt …
Humanity cannot be happy. The developed countries have higher suicide rates, possibly because humans have not adapted to life in the first world. For example, people chop down trees so they can wipe their asses. Surely, one would think that there would be consequences. First world countries have toilets filled with water, where there are other countries that are dry and impoverished. Many countries are rubbish, and other countries are busy making technologies that help destroy the planet just the same. The best way to be happy is to be an ignoramus, and even then, stupid people often tend to be emotional and violent.
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real life …
As if I’ll open up to any of you anymore, you lying bastards who all said I was fine as me, better even, then turned your backs the moment I needed someone? I’d rather post anonymously on a site of suicidal people than trust any of you.
I need to provide for my girls, my cats, the only two living creatures to love me unconditionally. When that’s settled, it’s over. I will have peace. And you can celebrate my death all you want.
It’s time. I’m done.
An orange rots from the inside out. The outside may be in pristine condition, but upon cutting it open you may find nothing but mold.
Maybe that’s what’s been happening to my mind. My memory has been getting worse. My desire for life is diminishing even more, if that were possible. I’m starting to care less and less about the risk and consequence of my death. On the outside, however, I am as normal as can be to most people.
Yes, to most people. Other than the person who (sadly) saved me from death during my last attempt, most people involved had put it away, thinking it …