I’m feeling worse every day. With every breath I feel emptier. I’m doing a lot of shit for trying to survive, because I’m hurt and empty and that fucks me. That’s why I’m so self-destructive. My strategy for survive every day makes me feel more empty, but calms my pain temporarily. I don’t even know why I am hurt. I mean, my whole life is so normal, my family problems and all that stuff are really common. Everybody have problems and I think I’m too dramatic so I hate myself for that. No one fucking cares, I talk about all this with a few friends and they also […]
Rants
I have just joined this site and I have no clue how I found it. All I know is that I need help and I dont have a way to get it. I have been sad and depressed for four years now and I have no idea how to handdle it. My grandparents dont know and no one in my family does. I tryed to comit suicied 3 times over all. And all most succed once. Is there any way out of this hell?
I promised myself I would stay so he would have someone to go to homecoming with. It’s harder than I thought.
After homecoming, I’m done. I don’t want to feel anymore. It’s so painful. I wish it would stop.
Don’t pay any attention to this; I’m usually not this stupid. It’s just makes me feel better knowing somebody saw this.
SO IM THE GIRL WHOÂ everyone sees laughing and smiling and looks lke she perfect. but im not at all i have a d+ in social and a c in choir my brother was on the honor roll all of his year of juinoir high and is still on it in highschool. my “bestfriend” said that we werent friend any more because she likes someone but they like me and she started a rumor saying that i had sex with him like serously people come on ima seventh grader here! ive been deppressed on adn off for a bout 2 years but last summer(2011) it […]
Im Waiting.
Waiting For my Life to get better.
Waiting for god to recognize me
Waiting for my turn to get better
Waiting for my life to turn right
…Waiting…
Im Just Waiting.
I’m so fucked up. Sometimes i have so many contradicting and confusing thoughts i feel they might explode like kernels of popcorn inside my head. I have so many questions and thoughts and feelings that i don’t know how to verbalise them and yet if i don’t try it becomes unbearable. I think people don’t want to believe that there are other people experiencing what they are, i mean we all say we that we don’t want to be alone or misunderstood but i think deep down that’s exactly what we want, because that exact moment were reminded of just how many people in the […]
Im watching myself, as if im watching a movie. Im dissconected from myself and my life, Im unware of who the fuck i am… I live life as if i was on auto pilot, reacting as one should but at the end of the day i dont recognise myself in the mirror. I stand looking at my reflection and all i see is a stranger staring back. I search my thoughts but im never aware of them, are they even my thoughts? This isn’t my body, this isn’t my mind, i am nothing, i cannot grasp an identity. I search, i scream, i cry. The […]
My problems are not as complex as they feel.
I can trust some people.
The problem is figuring out which people.
I can empathize with others.
The problem is figuring out how to express it.
I am a better person than I think I am.
The problem is believing it.
I am much like everyone else.
The problem is seeing it.
There are a subset of people with OCD who obsess over thinking they are schizophrenic.
I often wonder if there are a subset of people with OCD who obsess over thinking they’re a narcissist.
If so, I probably have both themes.
Or maybe I am […]
Leaving friends & acquaintances can always be hurtful, But not today. It was a huge step I was willing to take for myself. I’ve always wanted to be that nice, easy going, funny person everyone can admire and wish they could be just like him/her. Trying to always have a smile, Not showing any emotions when being made fun of, But just giving kindness no matter what they do to you. Having to hide the real me was not only frustrating, But depressing. Trying to get away from the people who make me feel like complete shit about myself, Was and is very hard. Knowing how they hurt me, Ignoring it, Until I […]
I just want to scream at the school and say ‘FUCK THE SYSTEM! FUCKING LETTER GRADES SHOULD NOT CONTROL MY LIFE AND MAKE ME FEEL MORE DEPRESS!’
No matter what I do, or how many resumes I send off or hand out I get nothing back.
I had one interview since I quit my last job two months ago, the lady pretty munched offered me a job during the interview! But of course she wanted to talk to my refereences ha ah ha, fuck.
It was only on Friday though so hopefully she calls by the end of this week.
I don’t know what else I can do.
I’m hopeless and unemployable because I have no skills or talents.
I mean, I could loose weight and try to do boy magazines but […]
suicide is
a permanent solution
to a
temporary problem.
you should ask.
i could answer
make everyone laugh.
it’d be great if
i could make you think.
make you realize that
suicide
is real.
and people feel it.
and people do it.
and rational consideration-
‘how will this affect others?’
-doesn’t come into play.
because pain is
real.
pain can make us do
stupid things
if we’re not
strong enough.
stupid things
like acting on it.
it’s an intense need to
escape
coupled with a limited understanding
of what death is
of what death can do
how it can
damage
and not solve anything at all.
it’s when you feel
powerless
to change things
hopeless
pointless
futile.
you KNOW
people will be hurt
because you did it
but
it doesn’t matter then
it doesn’t register
because
staying alive to keep them reassured-
maintaining, so they won’t have to suffer
while you do…
it’s not […]
I came home from work today, knowing my mom wasn’t happy. I figured she got in a fight with my dad or something, it was oh so much worse then that. I arrive home and they sit me down. Straight up tell me they’re getting a divorce, and my mom is leaving tonight. Why? She’s been having an affair with one of their friends and got caught by HIS wife. I kept asking if it was a joke, nope it wasn’t a joke. I broke down and left to a friends house for a few hours. When I return home, my mom was gone and […]
Bye im no longer wanted by anyone in life. So no reason to be here.
If I were to get diagnosed with all the things wrong with me at a psychologist person. Would I still qualify for the army?
I want to die, it seems like a viable option. You can tell me everything will get better but since i was 12 or so things did not get better. I am now 17 trying to hold out, but it gets harder and harder every day. You can tell me something witty now that will stick in my head for the night, but tomorrow I will go through the same phase, thats what life has gotten to. Try as I might, this […]
so i have a doctors appointment for my depression on December 3rd….. that date runs through my mind everyday like its my birthday or something.. i think th appointment is just so the doctor can refer me to another doctor which is gonna be really disappointing. i used to be able to get through some days but now everyday is hard to get through. i have trouble keeping myself from going over board and my nights are worse. i feel anxsious for some reason and restless..i cant sleep at night until it gets real late and then im exhausted for school in the morning. i […]
I am a moron i have been choking wile people on sp chat told me to astop i really need it though i wann go numb i to,ld jessica my pposter partner i learned to deal with my depressiion that is not really tru i just try to but dont really know
sorry weeping angile im not lisening i waNT to but i cant just sit here and hope it will fget better while my hands barely do anything but write simle…. simple words on a piece of paper or typing i cant really do much with that. i dont care about spelling now cant fucos […]
Been preoccuppied with sp chat and FBSP rather than the original. My old home. I have endured much in my past i jsut want out. I need a gun. Fast. My moms boyfriend wants to take me to mexico so we could shoot guns and shoot drug dealers cuz i want the army to “shoot people”. I want to off myself is the real reason. I am triggered by special phrases that fuck me over most of the time. Whats going on? almost always triggers the voices especially when im insane from 12-4 am… I started crying right now cuz of the voices coming back […]
Wounds aren’t so easily healed, especially when struck by those closer than others. Goodbye
It’s too loud to act upon inspiration.
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Silence cannot be gained when humans are awake.
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Useless talking and a response of irritation.
Talking commences and whining ensues.
Â
Just shut up already. Â You have no point.
Â
Why are you still making noise.
Â
Go to sleep and stop hanging around me,
creating bothersome sound and pushing me around.
Â
Silence falls when humans sleep,
the world comes back to life while minstrels weep.
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You can probably tell I’m not in the best mood. Â If you can’t, just know that whenever I write poetry and such, I’m probably not in the best of moods. Â Not necessarily angry or depressed. Â Just not positive.