I don’t know what it’s like to be grounded. I wish I did though. I hear my classmates complain to each other about how unfair their parents are for grounding them, not letting them have a cell phone, or just saying no to them. It seems so small. My parents dont say no. They don’t ground me, and they don’t take a tiny thing like an iPod away from me. They grab me, yell at my face until I’m a shaking mess, and then hit me all over. I remember one day going to class and being unable to concentrate from the pain my body […]
Rants
Life loses it’s worth to live, sometimes.
There are days where you wake up and the first thing that comes to mind is “Shit, God woke me up again!”
It’ll get better, they say.
It’ll get easier they claim.
Who the heck are they kidding?
They don’t understand.
They have yet to feel what it’s like to be in my shoes.
What’s the point of reaching out?
All they’re gonna do is judge me.
They’re gonna pretend to care,
And then they’ll leave just like the rest.
Does any of this seem familiar to you?
You know it’s true. You think it too.
I can’t promise you that […]
I got told by many doctors and psychiatrists that I had depression around two/three years ago. Since then they have told me that “it will get better” or “you can be cured”. Lately, I haven’t noticed anything getting better at all. Actually, I’ve been feeling a lot worse than usual. A few weeks ago I had an appointment to see if I needed medication, they told me once again that “it will get better”. So, no medication. I’m not angry that I didn’t get it, I’m just sick of hearing the same thing over and over again.
My sister also has depression. But, unlike me, she […]
Everyone says that even if today is dark there is hope for tomorrow, then where is this hope? Where is it, tell me…
Latest news from me.Â
Sumer the Moron
Sumer is back and I wish I could visit him and rip his arms and tongue out. Posting nudes on a site to help alleviate peoples problems caused by rape, abuse, and many other mishaps of life. That’s messed up. I just wonder, is it true that he’s insane? He’s smart, but also stupid. He’s a troll and an idiot. Even I’m not that far gone. I understand his mistrust of America, but attacking the weak? That’s just shitty man. We go here to cope, not to learn about washing machines and nudist colonies. (sad to say, I had “researched” […]
Starting off im a male, 21 years old, names not important. Basically my story is my life isnt as bad as others im sure of that but yet I feel this tremendous pain inside me. Im currently in college to become an architect best in my class and have already had job offers. All this but I come from a not so nice family wanted to get away from them ive had problems with this in the past I’ve been to therapy for this whole wanting to commit suicide since I was young about 13. Its a little funny cause my parents used to […]
I try to get help, like everyone says to. I try to tell people about how i feel, they dont listen. I try to use music, but its not enough. The only thing that ever seems to be enough is a blade. Not because it feels good, or because i like to watch myself bleed, because it seems like its the only thing that ever listens to me. For once, i can take my mind off not being oerfect enough, or pretty enough, and i can focus on a other type of pain. Release. Everyone seems to care so much about themselves. All my friends […]
How do you really start something you feel inside and just want to vocalize? There is really no reasoning for any of this, I have made my decision, I just feel it will take a lot off my shoulders until then. I do have those around me who I can talk to but no one I can tell what I’m really feeling and the decision I’ve made. My plan is to next week once I can afford all of the equipment and means I need necessary is to make an exit bag, buy a canister of Helium, buy a regulator with tubing, and rent a […]
It’s plain and simple, I am hurt. I don’t know whether to
call it depressed, bipolar or maybe even suicidal. I don’t fit fully into one
of those categories. After all I see my emotions as a vase; One that’s cracked and
overfilled, but painted over and glued to hide the unwanted things. Every time
something emotional happens it feels like someone took my vase and slammed it
down on a table, causing the fragile makeover to shatter, letting a cascade of
water to spill through. Of course then I have to scurry and pick up all the pieces
and carefully repaint every little detail […]
I dont know what to write. I have no clue, Ive never done this before.
I have severe depression, and have for years. Because of this, I have done so much stupid stuff, pushed so many people away. I have nobody. And I mean nobody. Not my father, my mother passed away, my now ex boyfriend left me for my ‘bestfriend’, and every one of my friends have ditched me. I have nobody.
The school is aware of the suicidal thoughts, and they tried to help for a few weeks, but after I left the school to throw myself in front of a train and was caught, […]
I did not, you see, want to kill myself. Not at that time, anyway. But I wanted to know that if need be, if the desperation got so terribly bad, I could inflict harm on my body. And I could. Knowing this gave me a sense of peace and power, so I started cutting up my legs all the time. Hiding the scars from my mother became a sport of its own. I collected razor blades, I bought a Swiss army knife, I became fascinated with the different kinds of sharp edges and the different cutting sensations they produced. I tried out different shapes—squares, triangles, […]
I had a dream one night.  I was with my friends getting pretty stoned outside on a bright, clear happy day.  I took a hit and looked up into the clear, beautiful  sky as I inhaled, but as I exhaled I began to feel out of place and out of person.  I tried to move, and I did, but at the same time I didn’t.  It was as if I was out of my rotting flesh cage, but my vision wasn’t coming with my spirit.  All that I could see was the clear blue sky… I began to panic.  My unbound spirit was being anchored […]
For years i was deeply depressed, I cut myself badly and couldn’t physically get up in the morning.
I got better, i would be depressed for a week then happy then depressed again and so on.
Now i’m slowly seeping back to being deeply depressed enough to find it hard to breathe every second. I’m starting to think every one hates me again, and that if i died no one would care.
I had my first ‘happy day’ about a week ago, i got so much done and was laughing and didn’t feel lonely. Didn’t repeat in my head “I want to die” like usual.
and here we are again. Back to old self-defeating habits. Hope?
What is hope? Is it believing that there could POSSIBLY be something better? Is it waking up and looking forward to the following day?
Happiness?… We use this word as if it’s nothing. As if in a split second everything could go from complete shit, to being honky dory and you could be happy for the rest of your life. When someone asks me why I can’t “Put on a smile! Get out of the house!” I honestly don’t even know what to say. Yes, I know how to smile. But I don’t know how to mean it. All […]
I’m sorry if I snapped at anyone at all. I was merely trying to argue and was protecting others while explaining his position. (Sumer) Venom, don’t hate me because I side with someone. I’m the neutral party, if anything no one needs you to ***** out because they shared their ideas. Sumer don’t troll on here. These people are delicate. As am I. Don’t tread on the Bald Eagle. You are a rodent. Now scurry along and infest the russians home as they spill vodka over your body. Don’t hate the americans for the propaganda the russians spill.Â
Listen to the people that care, don’t hate […]
I’m 23, and I’m pregnant. I’m miserable. I’m 33 weeks and 5 days, and I want it to be over. I don’t want to kill myself, I just really want to hurt myself. I want to put my fist through a wall or window. I want physical pain to outweigh the emotional. I haven’t been able to work for 3 months and won’t be able to for another two, at least. My husband, the baby’s dad, has a shit job, like $300 every two weeks. He sleeps all the time and smokes too much weed. He doesn’t listen to me. We have no money. We’re […]
A couple of months ago I was telling: “I’ll wait two years, so I can at least exploit a life insurance and give some money to the people I love”.
A month ago I was telling: “I’ll wait at least my birthday (in august), it will be at least a message”
Now I’m telling: “Why should I wait a month? Who cares? Ten days to close all the things I have open”
Someone screwed up,it must have been a mistake.I wasn’t supposed to be born here.Everything seems wrong to me.I feel like I stole someone else’s life.It’s all a mistake…
I don’t want this world,don’t want to grow up in it.My life is so wasted.I wasted someone else’s life.I wish I could channel it,give to someone who deserve it.The people I met,the event I lived trough,I don’t deserve those.It would have been better for someone else to experience them.I have a hard time saying “thanks” because I don’t deserve the things I should be thankful for.I’m a failure…
I wish I could give it all away to someone who […]
Been thinking.
Too much.
How do you change your thought process? I’m not talking about just negativity, here. The way you think. I’ve been so analytical in my thought process that the only way to change is to constantly brainwash myself towards another way of thinking, and that’s what I need to escape from. I want to live in a more direct “Living by the moment for the moment”, not “Living in my brain about the moment in the moment”. I can’t just “live”. I don’t need a happily ever after either. Just normal conversations with a person. My father. My friend. Anyone. (Yeah, I’m a […]
Has anyone else ever felt so suffocated by their failures in life? To the point that it prevents you from moving forward and just keeps you there, frozen, unable to achieve, unable to do anything in fact. But the sick and twisted part of it is that it keeps you in a place visible to everyone, leaving you vulnerable to their attacks. Or worse, just being frozen in that spot whilst everyone else achieves and no matter how much it hurts you, all you can do about it is congratulate them. I’m sure i’m not the only one. I know it seems selfish, and ridiculous […]