Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

0

1 Email

April 25th, 2016by InTheShadow

Dear all,

I got the first email which someone had asked for help. Someone cannot take Depression anymore and wished to erase herself from existence. Due to privacy, I will not disclose the name. I wasn’t sure of what happened but I have replied the email, hoping to hear from the person soon. I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist; I do not have the expertise in medication or knowledge of how to deal with Negativeness and by that, Depression or any of the problems that many are facing. I can only be a reader and/or a listener of your problems and challenges faced, be it created …

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1

Catch Up ?

April 25th, 2016by PrincessX_xPoptart

Well hey lovely people of suicide Project. I haven’t been here in awhile if you have noticed if any of you know who I am.

So awhile back I made a post about I Dye my hair. Its my self distraction from self harm. People seemed to like that so I think I’m going to make a journal hopefully everyday or maybe a cpl days or once a week in not sure yet. But I’m here for all of you. I wont judge because everyone needs a friend and you shouldn’t feel alone. So if I make a journal for you guys it’ll be self distractions …

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153

I tried to show you a way out

April 24th, 2016by Salt

There has been a tangible regime change at suicideproject. Maybe it’s for the better, but it’s no longer for people like me. About a week ago, I found the way out of hell. For my old friends here (I’m talking 3-4 years ago when I first crash landed on this site under another name… before re-registering as Salt because I didn’t want to upset a beautiful person in my life who didn’t need to know how much I was suffering), I left my final post which I had put a lot of effort into wording with just enough cryptic references to literature, Latin, and scriptures …

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7

never tried it. Thought about it sometimes

April 19th, 2016by gkks

I actually never committed suicide. I thought about it seriously two or three times. I remember it was exactly 10 years ago, spring of 2006.  I was away from my family because of work. We had so many health issues at that time. My family was spending more time at hospitals rather than home. I was so sad i couldn’t be there to help them or at least stand by them. And one day i had a near death experience. Crashed my car on a wall with 60 mph. That night i drunk a bottle of whiskey. Was thinking ways of ending myself. To be …

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2

Hello to the World.

April 12th, 2016by InTheShadow

Hello all, please forgive me if my English is weird. It is not my first language.

Anyways here goes nothing and I am new here:

I have been wandering on Internet and seeking suitable suicide-related or depression-related websites. I stumbled across this website and had thought about signing up. So I did and started out by reading how others deal with their side of Depression and stories. We live in different places so maybe there are some alternative ways of coping stress-related or anything negative. I have been suffering from depression for more than a decade now and at times, self-harm for pain relief. I have been …

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4

Talking to my disease – Part I

April 12th, 2016by NeverFitting

Mood – Numb.

Conscienceless in thought – Extreme low.

Mental – Cognitive.

Physical – Certain areas of my back, neck, and face are screaming.

Emotional – Someone hold me and lie to me tell me it is going to be okay.

 

So I had an idea to write to my disease and see if it could respond. I want to know what it wants… I do not know.  I am 31 or 32 years old I do not even know without thinking and I currently can’t really do that for the fear it will make me worse off.  Get fired from every job I get because I have an “authority …

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1

Postmortem

April 11th, 2016by Emptyface

Things have gotten better. They really have. Ive got a new job now, helping out an old friend, my depression has subsided and im ready to get off the meds now, and i barely hallucinate anymore. It used to be much worse. I wouldnt eat. I wouldnt sleep. Or i would sleep for days on end without water even. My heavy self medication with marajuana and alcohol has turned into lighter recreational use, and i feel like that previously impregnable barrier between myself and others has subsided substantially. I feel like a human being again. I feel successful even. But really, thats the problem. It …

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3

why hate on the hurting?

April 9th, 2016by haileewantstobehappy

I’m sorry if I drag this on, but I’m not one to hold my tongue when something is bothering me. So I just want to address this for a moment. Why do some people like to make people who are hurting feel worse? I don’t mean everyone, some people help, but others just fuel the flame and worsen the pain. I’m not referencing to myself, even though I’ve been in this situation before a couple too many times. But if someone is in pain, and using a post or blog, video, etc. to vent or rant or cry for help, there are 99.9% of the …

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2

AN OPEN LETTER FOR EVERYONE

April 8th, 2016by missanonymous

I know some of you might be into deep holes right now and some were at the point of their life when all they want to do is to break down and cry, or even die. Yes, I do understand because even I myself can’t do this anymore.. but I’m still trying as long as I can. That’s why I am here not to tell you that ‘everything is gonna be fine’,’get up and it will get better soon’ or ‘put yourself together don’t be weak’ because even I can’t believe that it’s all gonna be alright. I’m not going to tell you the words …

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3

Black Coat

April 5th, 2016by BlackCoat

To Wear The Black Coat

I put on a coat today. The last time I wore it, I died.

Not of embarrassment, or heat stroke.
I didn’t die laughing or of fright.

I died.

I was dead.

Dead.

I died on the beach. I could hear the ocean.

The coat has sand in the pockets.

I overdosed on a plethora of pills, hundreds of them, taken with a quantity of alcohol as I drove, careening blindly in the darkness over mountain passes between valley and sea.

I returned to a place where I last felt true, unencumbered, hope. Where I felt romantic love for the first time. Where I felt the future was all there …

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3

The attempts I lived through

March 31st, 2016by Blood_Lotus

Hello again,

feel like I am close to rockbottom again, the intent is strong to try and commit again.

Yet I always remember how I lived through my previous attempts when planning.

in 2012 I finally passed my theoretical and oral exams for the vocational School I attended and had to find an internship for 6 months, then the last exam would take place. I wasn’t proud or felt accomplished that I was in the last third of my Training. There was no Feeling but emptiness.
I started the internship, kept my facade but two or three weeks in I snapped. My father took medication for his heart and… …

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7

2 Years Later

March 28th, 2016by 13vida

Oh my gosh, I have been trying to remember the name of this site for the life of me! I’ve looked every where for it for the past two years and then *BAM* I finally found it! No, I just went back through some of what I wrote and I feel bad for my past self; I was not a positive person, but I know it wasn’t my fault that I was depressed. No, here’s what’s happened the past couple years – p.s. sorry for the long story.

My best friend moved to Arizona in December of 2014; I missed her like crazy. I went out …

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1

Untitled

March 25th, 2016by imokaybutnotreally

“You have so much to live for.”

I don’t know how may more times I can listen to that. Anytime I talk to any friends or family it’s the same thing. They start by telling me how I am going through a rough patch and that it will all get better. They don’t offer any real advice. They half ass their responses and tell me how my future is going to be just fantastic. I am getting frustrated even thinking of it now. A severe case of anxiety and depression is no “rough patch”. I have been dealing with these issues since before I can remember. …

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29

Still alive

March 21st, 2016by Drowning

so last night thought iv had enough of this shitty life so I swallowed a bunch of pills layed down hopening for a nice send off but

guess what woke up in the hospital pale looking like shit then get home to find out the medic took the rest of the pills so I some how need to get more then and try a different method

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8

Into the Wild

Into the Wild

March 18th, 2016by secret me

i was accepted to Stanford.

everyone is happy.

So why not me?

pressure pressure pressure

I don’t want to go to medical school.

I don’t want to live other people’s expectations, dreams, morals.

So

i

left.

Heading towards Oregon and I’ve never felt so free.

Ive been suicidal my whole life.

All I wanted was freedom and it was waiting for me right outside my door this whole time.

I finally listened to my instincts and went against odds.

The only thing I want to say to people who are unhappy- is just to do what’s makes you happy on your our own means.

follow your instincts.

Im free

and so the adventure begins.

 

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3

I Remember

March 17th, 2016by DexQuietlyBreaking

I remember their voices as I lay there in the hospital bed.

Asking over and over why I did it. Why I took those pills. Why I wanted it all to end.

I remember laying there and for a split second I didn’t know. Here’s these people standing over me, tears in their eyes, and broken hearts beating in their chest.

Whether I were their kid, friend or brother, they all had a sign in their eyes that a piece of them almost died with me.

This is what I think about when suicide comes to mind.

Even if you want to die, you have to take a second …

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24

I’m done with life

I’m done with life

March 14th, 2016by N0Futur3

I’ve reached the very end upon which I will endure this existence. Preparations all set…… Going to end it with a drink. I’m done with this shitty world, i’m done dealing with parasitic, materialistic, deceptive people. I’m done dealing with “family” that lies, steals, and treats me like shit. Love does not exist in this ugly, putrid, infected world of racists, murderers, politicians, corruption, prostitutes, and abominations.
I rather be dead then live with the likes of you…. You who see the light in this world are the real freaks, psychopaths, and ones who need help. “chill out, think about the positive” that’s a pitiful …

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7

For the young people on this site

March 7th, 2016by BlueEyes

I read a lot of posts by people who seem to be in their early years (teens, 20’s) and it makes me feel sad that so many young people feel so hopeless.  I understand though – I reached that point too when I was in college, and if not for a quick-thinking friend who grabbed my shirt I would have “fallen” out a 19th story dorm window.  That was in 1983.

But once I was past college and on my own two feet I’ve lead an OK life, so I’m glad I didn’t kill myself back then.  I got to experience life on my own terms.  Sometimes I …

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11

I’m Already Dead

March 6th, 2016by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

Rather than equivocating death, I have conceded that death has already bestowed its unrequited love upon me. Simply so, because though I still breathe, and whilst my heart still thumps, the mere essence which makes each of us has perished within me.

It is as if though I’m only being kept alive by a  hypothetical respirator and though this hypothetical mechanisations is working tirelessly, what sense is the life that its saving. For that individual can no longer be happy, can no longer assimilate to usual locomotion, all that is left is his bodily mechanisations  and, in actuality life has already left his body.

My body, however is too stubborn, too resilient to let go. Those few kindred beings around me who do care about  me are likewise of the same order, not wanting to let me go.

I have already parted with my soul, my being and essence, my only hindrance is my body. I adamantly and anxiously await its surrender.

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1

Ranting Bullshit.

March 5th, 2016by DarkDestroyer

My counselor told me that I need to spend time with people, that I’m alone too much. So I’ve been trying to spend time with people, people at school, people at work. I’ve been planning stuff with buddies and spending a lot of time with people who I can call buddies. The problem is that I still don’t feel right. See, before this I was always down and depressed and alone, but when I wasn’t alone I would sometimes (rarely) talk about my pain to people who I kind of trust (I don’t trust very much or very often), and I would feel this connection …

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