Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

1

Oh, all hate

August 27th, 2015by flynnrenning

The world is sick.

There’s really nothing more profound to say than that, but I have a story to tell, it may be removed, rejected, have hate thrown at it, whatever, but when I’m going against the forces of the universe that are beyond my direct perception and control, that’s to be expected. I could go into every detail of how I know what I know and how I learned what I learned but no one wants to read about anything important, no, they don’t. So instead, here’s my story, with, an entertaining veil thrown over it to cover up all the “gruesome” details you don’t …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
1

Let’s talk about a little thing called medication

August 25th, 2015by queenofdarkness

Every day when you wake up it’s three pills, choked down with juice. (Always juice, because having pills with water tastes like suicide.)

The one that’s supposed to keep you from killing yourself.

The one that’s supposed to make you talk and smile and act like you don’t have crippling anxiety.

The one that’s supposed to take away your mood. How dare you have emotions. How fucking dare you.

It’s bullshit.

There’s no way to measure whether it “works” or not. If you ask my parents, it doesn’t, because I’m still not normal. Like, so what if she feels happier and doesn’t generally want to throw herself off a roof? She

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
17

Just when I thought all was over

August 24th, 2015by IBeBlue808

Hello to whoever is reading this,

Two years ago I posted a suicide note on this website with the sincere belief that I would be dead within a week of posting it. But, I guess things don’t always go as planned. The day I planned on doing it, I realized that I couldn’t do it. Whether it was me being too weak, too scared or just too depressed to even follow through with my last plan, I just didn’t end up dead.

I don’t know what stopped me, but I am thankful for it. 2 years later, my life has turned around.

Now don’t get me wrong, I …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
7

August 24th, 2015by irrelevantpup

I am a girl who is 19 years old. For years I have always contemplated suicide. I have physically harmed myself in many ways, including hitting my head against stuff, punching walls, and cutting up my hands. Recently, I have been thinking into deeper matters. Life usually is supposed to get better, right? Doesn’t occur in my case. Regardless of what goes on in my life, no matter how positive I am in all situations, nothing ever good happens. Yes I hear the whole it gets better speech, everything anybody can name and all the stuff from the books. I’ve heard personal experiences and all …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
2

What am I missing?

August 23rd, 2015by tjsII1988

Things are not good for me. More or less I am nothing more then a dissapointment in everything I do. I am a failure as a boyfriend,father,friend,son,grandson…you name it. I am falling apart in every way imaginable. I hate to look at myself,and no matter what I do I can’t seem to pull out of this. I tried to end it once,but was “saved” by 2 friends….not this time. I have a short period of time before my 2 year suicide clause is up on my life insurance,I have a storage unit large enough to fit my truck in it rented so no one can …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
1

There is a light, no matter what you think.

August 19th, 2015by reidyph

My mental health begun at the age of 8, kinda. That’s when I first recognised I was hearing thing’s that other people around me weren’t hearing, and I had the energy not even adults had. This begun to scare me, I didn’t know what to do with all the rapid thoughts racing around my mind and at 11 started to self harm, which I thought was the perfect way to deal with how I was feeling. It wasn’t, because still, at 21 I am self harming, to degrees where I require stitching and hospital treatment.

However, I’m 21 and I’m still here. I attempted suicide at …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
4

“There must be something here”

August 17th, 2015by extraodinarymachine

First post. Moderators, please edit or let me know if I have said anything not allowed. I’m guessing my post may contain some triggers, though I’ve not been graphic & spoken heartfelt ideas in an honest way. I’m asking for some advice from places I’ve not sought help before. “Oh Lord! Please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

The Dancer in the Dark quote. “Have you seen China? Have you seen the Great Wall?” “All walls are great if the roof doesn’t fall”. This is what each day is like.

I’ve been there for so many others. I have kept friends alive. I’ve cared and helped. I’ve …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
7

Deleting Life

August 17th, 2015by Tristeza

Whenever I’m done with feeling this or that way or done with obsessing about something, I come to SP and delete everything — or almost everything — that I had posted before (after saving the most important parts and hiding them where no one can read my thoughts again but myself). Dunno why I do that. Maybe that’s good. Again, thank you technology for allowing me to delete my “life” and starting over whenever I want to.
Tonight, while going through a lot of physical pain, I thought about my future as a crazy cat lady and said that life’s gray, bland, tiresome and that I …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
4

Just want to feel normal again

August 16th, 2015by dielukedie

All I ever want is to go back to feeling normal. But I haven’t felt normal since I was 5. My dad killed himself when I was 6, and my mum remarried. When I was 8, my stepdad began to sexually abuse me, all the way through to the age of 17. I self harmed and was seriously depressed throughout this whole ordeal. The abuse happened almost every day, in every room of the house. I’m 19 now and he is in prison, but I can’t get away from the mental, physical and emotional scars and trauma that I’m left with. I want to feel …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
6

Suffocating

August 15th, 2015by Yours, Forever and Always

I’m suffocating.

I don’t know any other word for it.

I’m slowly suffocating in this life and I’m dying inside.

My mother asked me today, “Would you mind if I smoke?”

She knows that I HATE when she smokes. I’ve tried to help her stop smoking for the past 13 years and it seems like every time I think she;s getting better, she’s just faking it.

She told me she hopes that I can forgive her.

But how can I forgive a hypocrite? When I started smoking, she almost threw me out of the house. When I

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
1

Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?

August 14th, 2015by niki

Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?

What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )

for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, One …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
1

do I try again?

August 14th, 2015by melodychild

Failed suited attempts are a pain in the butt. They lock you up in a hospital, everyone freaks out. You feel this huge amount of guilt, and rarely no relief that you’re alive, only more depression becuase you didn’t succeed. Family always makes you feel guilty, how could you do this? Why didn’t you tell me. Like duh , if I told you, you would’ve stopped me, and I wanted to die. Then comes the painful process of “getting better” “learning to be happy”. You’re supposed to make all these steps so you don’t do it again and promise you’ll get help. But when you …

Processing your request, Please wait....
Do not report posts older than 1 week old,
because we will not take action on them.
In other words -- check the date before wasting your time and ours.
Also, please do not use this form as a comment reply -- it is not.
20

Painting

Painting

I painted this picture one day when existentialism was strong on my mind. I hadn’t painted it because I was feeling suicidal. I hadn’t painted it because I wanted some attention from my parents. I hadn’t painted it just because it looked cool. I painted it because it spoke to me. I hear a lot […]

9

Symptoms…. Of What? Asking for help.

August 12th, 2015by KissOfDeath

So, this is very different than any other of my posts,
but I have been experiencing some “feelings” and I cannot find a name to these symptoms.
I feel like I can communicate with an outer me, such as if I had a twin, it’s very strange, it started with mirrors, and now I feel like I am not alone, although I am sitting in my room alone, such as another person is her. (Another version of myself.)
I have experienced this before, but only when I have been exhausted, and/or when I go from being surrounded by people for a long/short period of time, to be …

0

Mysterious Misery

August 11th, 2015by KissOfDeath

It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.

You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.

You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your significant other.

You hate this feeling,
but you …

16

#SuckMyFuckDepression

August 10th, 2015by MaybeImAlreadyGone

Just a few things on my mind and I may seem harsh but reading some of these comments are making me ill. Your all encouraging each other to take your life’s? Giving each other options for easy ways out? I have been  in the exact same situation as many of you&it does get better. We don’t need to encourage each other to take the easy way out. We need to be sharing some fucking hope! So if I come across as harsh, it’s because I generally care.

First of all, I don’t give a shit what anyone says; There is no reason why  you should take …

6

I miss her

August 9th, 2015by abbeysmom

my beautiful daughter took her own life in May 2014.  She was 17. I miss her so much.   I struggle each day to get up and go on.  When this happens, people do not just move on.  Life has stopped for me.  If only she could have held on a little longer.  Her life had so much promise.

1

i just don’t want to go on like this

August 6th, 2015by josh t

Ever since 6th grade life has been hell for me. I got made fun of because i was in IEP (special ed classes) and it made me feel there was something wrong with me. My 1st attempt at suicide was in 8th grade via hanging, but it failed. Since then i’ve been having nervous breakdowns and basically feeling like shit.

9th grade was my 2nd suicide attempt. I tried killing myself. I know this is going to sound silly and pathetic but i had failed to impress to girls i liked, and the ass holes in my math class didn’t help by pointing out how much …

5

This is my first post

August 4th, 2015by alwaystired

I came across this site while googling what would happen when taking too many hydroxyzine or seroquel. It’s funny because after several suicide attempts I still keep trying even though I can’t bring myself to keep trying at anything else. I continue to take too many pills every night in hopes that one of these nights it will kill me but so far I’ve had no such luck. I wish I was this motivated in other aspects of my life.

0

moonshot and mental after-walks from a before-life

August 4th, 2015by kills

from the depths of despair I wander
but not all who wander are lost
yet I am both
a wandering vagabond in search of answers i’ll never seem to find outside of my rib cage
my animal pen that keeps my true rage locked inside until it’s time to feed
hidden and looked over have I been for far too long

.

.44 magnum for voice box full of ammunition that’s begging to be fired
whoever gets in the way is irrelevant; the bullets are meant to kill
cause I’m killz and I was born in darkness
birthed in hopelessness and death themselves
i have seen the face of the reaper
and shes a pretty bitch

.

sour stares …