Towards the end when Agent Smith and Neo are battling inside the matrix and it looks like Agent Smith has won the battle, Neo stands up again to him…

Agent Smith: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you’re fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can’t win. It’s pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?

Neo: Because I choose to.

Our minds are so powerful to choose to stand after we take a beating.  Our minds can choose to let the negative stay or go.  Our minds can choose a different path than yesterday.  If only we choose to. Forgive those who hurt us so they have no more power over out thoughts, actions, or our lives and then we can move on and be free of them.  Focus on positive things.  Believe in the impossible.  Believe in the unending love and power of the Almighty.  All possible if we choose.  So …

I am excited.

I need one hundred people to write me this week
And send me a love offering of $50 or more.

When you do something for God’s house,
God’s gonna put a miracle in your house.

SP community, you really surprised me. I never expected to get even a fraction of the comments back that I did to my questions/posts. Thanks for taking the time, those (many) of you who did, to make my life a bit less lonely. I wish I had something meaningful to say or leave you all…

Tomorrow I leave. I know this sounds childish of me, but before I head out I’ll erase my comments, posts. I don’t want any record of me left behind, other than maybe some positive memories I might have inspired? Maybe that’s too vain a hope. So if there’s anything you want, please take it before. I thought now I’d have a lot to say, but I just don’t.

What an insipid goodbye note. Sorry. But, to those of you who kept me company at the end, thanks, thanks, and a thousand thanks.

Watching get the gringo on netflix. It shows Mexican prisons and how they are small communities where prisoners carry weapons even firearms, they have stores, everything life has to offer. They can even have their families live with them. I doubt many have seen a Mexican prison. Yes they really are like that. Yes they sometimes do mix males and females in general population. Ive only been to one Mexican prison. It wasn’t too bad. Lots of cool things the prisoners make, the food didnt look bad but my mother wouldnt let me try it :L and yes they do carry weapons only in the one i went to there were no firearms except the assault rifles the guards carried because it was/is a prison right across the border from California, so obviously it’s stricter. American prisons are nothing compared to Hispanic prisons. In America prisoners have actual rights. I remember there was a riot at that prison in Mexico so the guards took all blankets from all prisoners for weeks. It was during the winter time.

On a side note I met some inmates friends of the person i was visiting. One was a bank robber, he was quite nice, o-o its a shame that after an armed bank robbery and some gunshots his crew was captured, well tis the law~

I know I’m crazy. And yes don’t ever get sent to a Hispanic prison you might never be let out of that dark hole again. In fact they sometimes kill you strip your body to …

Since you’re hitting the road. The best song for being on the road.

…are we?

That’s it I’m giving up there’s no benefit from being here the only thing I do well is screw up so I’ve decided to kill myself before I fuck up again so I say goodbye.

I put a knife to my wrist i began to cut, i hid my scars so no one saw

i just wanted satisfaction of being in charge of something in life i just want to take my mind off of all this pain

all of my emotional pain, depression and stress. i popped pills i tried to overdose for some reason i only passed out

nothing works it’s like i’ve been denied by death , death wants me to be in this torture but i wont stop until this is all over

So many times, so much places
I’ve tried to kill myself without any traces
People don’t care I’m such a burden my mother hates me It just keeps hurting
No one cares most are unaware
I’m alone in this world no friends just foes
They all hate me they tease , they say I’m just a hoe
I’m nothing to anyone they don’t feel my pain
I should be gone , no one is to blame
Why live when there’s nothing but hurt?
My life is a mess this would never work
Momma tried her best to reach me
Father could’ve never taught me
I’m not ready for this world
I’m just a helpless girl.
Nothing but hate , my life is a big mistake
Soon i’ll be gone , its really simple and nothing’s wrong

I tried to kill myself today, but death didn’t want me any way.

I asked if I could stay for a while, he said its not your place with a smile.

As the tears rolled down my face I cried I just need some space. But he was gone without a trace and now I must linger in this place.

How cruel it is to be rejected by death and his scythe.