I don’t hate myself. I just hate my life and I don’t want to live it anymore

With that said it’s hard to kill a person who hasn’t done anything terrible or hurt anyone. How do I get past this? I know it will be good once that is out of the way

Yeah guys I’m alive sadly…WISH I FUCKING WASN’T

But nope im alive and more medicated than ever

pills keep me hibernating like bear and I have

the appetite of one as well. Loving life

with my depression demons kept behind the

medical bars the doctors have created :l

Fucking happy to be alive…MEH can’t wait to

buy a new pellet gun. Lead pellet to the head

sounds like a painful death <3 wee

So F’d up that it isn’t worth talking about. Absolutely pointless to live.

Here’s my story being going out with a girl over a year now and ever since I meet her i had a thing for her and she had a thing for me too and i askd her out one day and she said yes..but then i told her can you promise me 1 thing please and she said what?…I told her please please dont break my heart because your the first girl who has actuall told me they liked me if you break up with me well kill myself and she stood quiet but she told me i promise.But I did try killing myself because my best guy friend backstabbed me and that hurt so much so i said fuck it he lied to me and I OD and after all that happened we never were friendz again because he tried playing the victime because he went out with my my girl before me and he said he didnt have feelingz for her when he did and its funny cuz he would mess around with all these other gurlz n tryna play my girl too when we were going out..bt whatevr it s what it is im over it..but letz get 1 thing straight..Im still suicidal till this day because well something happened to me about 3-4 years ago and its coming back :/ my family doesnt like me..always talking shit about me and my girl for no reason and we dont do anything to them..FML..some friends arent who you think they are..people want …

Here’s a question. What do you do if you can’t kill yourself but you can’t live either? Wait, I suppose.
I think about killing myself every day. Have done for the last two years.
I think of ways to make it look like an accident, so those who care, and there are a few, wouldn’t feel so bad. But then, dead in an accident or dead because you shot yourself, I don’t know that there’d be much difference.
I can’t go on living. I’ve got MS, and I’m basically crippled, but that’s probably not the worst thing.
My family are about to swoop in to the rescue, which should be a good thing, but it’s actually just about unbearable.
They have built a disability-friendly (they think) house. Gates everywhere. Nowhere to get outside. “Oh, we don’t expect you to move in. Yet.” But they do.
They loathe my boyfriend. Just about the only thing they haven’t done is offer him money to go away. He doesn’t understand depression, at all. He thinks everything will be just fine in the end. I don’t have the strength to make it that far.
I take anti-anxiety tablets, but whatever life I’m living is through a fog.
Can’t keep working, can’t start a new life in a new town. Can’t stand it.

well its been a few days since i last wrote and before anything i just want to say think you to all the people that commented on my last post it was some really good advice that i needed to hear. Well i have cut myself again and i cant stop i dont want to do anything…. feel like to a certain point i might be giving up. I might be letting my suicidal thoughts win me over or just my depression stomp all over me. I have a boyfriend who is amazing with me and am dying to tell him whats going on with me and how i feel but i dont know if i should. I just dont see the point anymore…

Online blogging, midnight sobbing. Fears, tears steer it away from me. Catching the last glimpse of sunlight should be an excitement to see the stars. I feel comfort in the fact that I can sleep, unconciously surviving in a world unknown. My brain sends signals. Some don’t make sense. Actually none. Losing cognitive balance. I can’t even write a goddamn poem. Because all I can think of is taking the bottle of pills left beside me. DO I CARE IF I DIE? Isn’t there nothing after this life anyway? These pills are the pills that make me not care. They make me calm down relax and not worry about the panic. My heart pounding out of my chest and my palms going cold. Everything in my body and outside of me feels like I am dying. That’s about the only time I don’t want to die. The only time I want to fight it. I’m medicated, I’ve been to a mental hospital! I’m going to therapy once a week for 2 hour sessions? When will it be okay, WHEN WILL I NOT HAVE THE DESIRE TO DIE???????????

I hate being here. Lately, well since summer, i just been waiting to die. kill myself. Im now a senior in high school, but i just dont want to keep living anymore. im so tired of it all. The only thing that stops me is the pain of doing it. I get bullied almost everyday. People call me ugly. I have never in my 18 years of living had a boyfriend because every guy i want rejects me. I even lower my standards and i still get rejected. i never had my first kiss or anything. But this isn’t the reason why i want to die, this is just half the reason. I just don’t see the point of living. Im shy, nobody likes me. I just have low-self esteem.  i just can’t explain it. Im thinking about killing myself this week. i just dont care no more. About anything. I try so hard to act happy, but i cover it up a lot. I think im about to just overdose tonight, and drink a lot of beer. i just hate myself.

I posted this on another suicide forum also, just in case no one responds/cares etc.

I’ve been feeling suicidal all year. I’m a senior in high school. I only have one  more year until I’m out of here. I dont know why I always have to fuck everything up. No one notices I’m depressed because I’m excellent at hiding myself.  I withdrew from my friends and read Sylvia Plath’s journals everyday in the corner of the library.  I think about starving myself to death or overdosing on advil. I want to slit my wrists. But then I think about my little brother, and I just. He’s the only reason I can’t bring myself to do anything, it’s so frustrating. One day it won’t matter. One day soon. I plagiarized an entire paper for my physics class. I didn’t take a few paragraphs, I, word for word, from 3 different sources stole a paper from online and turned it in. The few teachers that had the slightest ounce of respect for  me now, have none. My parents fucking hate me, but I FUCKING hate them anyway.  I don’t know why I did it, all I know is that I’m the dumbest, most untalented pieces of horseshit in the entire world. I’ve never been good enough for my private school, and now everyone knows it. Now it’s just re-enforced. Part of me hopes I get kicked out so I can just go escape to a different city or country. I want to get some drugs, and alcohol. I …

I look at the phone, roll my eyes and take a drag. ‘Damn my head hurts’, I think to myself. ‘The pain never does really go away. It just stays in the clouds until you are alone, and when your thoughts open up the most. You never realize how much sadness you have until you seriously think about it. Just sucks. I wish I could just..’. Suddenly, my phone goes off and the contact name reads, Alex. My heart drops. Noting that I haven’t spoken to Alex since he left for the military two years ago. Never a call, or a letter saying he was okay. His mother thought he was dead. I wondered if he called her. I picked up the phone quietly and said, ‘Hello’, more of a question then a reply. ‘Sarah..’, said the empty voice on the other end of the phone call. ‘Yes? Alex is that you?’. My voice was trying to crack. Tears almost filled my eyes, though I didn’t recognize his voice. ‘No. Sarah, this is Jack, Alex’s buddy. Alex, uh..’ His voice was stammering. I didn’t want him to say it, but I knew it was coming. ‘Alex died in Iran.’ My heart smashed into too many pieces to count. Tears were flooding out of my eyes, though I made no sound. ‘I’m so sorry. We found.. the remains of his body in a isolated basement while we were searching for missing people. I’m so sorry. I was the one who found him. It took me 20 minutes …