Once long ago, I trod upon a forgotten path. A withered, earthen, lonely thing. A disarray of crumbled stones, wispy cobwebs and a feral forest of rife undergrowth. My besotted mind was dull and addled; undaunted by this road of such a stifling ominous air. Drunk with my own relentless despair I stumbled through this foreboding path with the grace of a crippled cat. I know not when but quickly I saw my world contort, and twist with alarming intensity. My awareness was snatched by a sudden trance; my conscious smothered by gripping delusions, phantoms and nightmares galore. Before me unrolled the intricate fabric and tangible complexity of my being. Woven together by the delicate, feeble fibers of time. At the far end of this isle I glimpsed upon a dark, haggard figure. Shadowed and stained by hollow emptiness and nonexistence itself. There before me stood a being whom’s essence would never be. The disconsolate …
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I’ve went from wanting to kill myself to just lost in the ever dark hole of being an at home mom. I sleep all the time. Im missing my kids grow and I know it hurts them…when they say mommy don’t go to sleep agian. I have many diff pills that I’ve thought about just swallowing as many as I could but I just can’t do it. When I look at my children and loving husband I just can’t leave them. But I feel just as bad for even thinking about it…I am Medicaid but sometimes I’m not sure…
That’s all I ask. Please. Shelter me from my own thoughts. I know…I know I’m going to let you down eventually but for now…indulge me and provide that comfort I so desire. If only for a moment or a single day in my life.
I’m losing my grip.
I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like it’s the biggest burden in the world to drive me there for things other than service. My family isn’t even half of it. I’m tired of people using me. I’m tired of guys trying to get one thing out of me. I still have flashback of when my ex tried …
The last memories
He made the excuses
It was his choice; he sent the second message only cause he was going through the same as I was in a way. I just thought he never listened what I had told him. The third message he was right to think of me as a bad guy and after the second message, he stopped caring. The forth message, I confessed, I told him the truth, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I told him a lie as well just because i was desperate for the truth from him. He never told me anything, I just wanted him to talk to me. When he did reply back, he blamed everything on me, truthfully I intended that to happen.
Reality, the only reason why I was so hurt, angry and disappointed was that all this time, I still thought we were still close. If he ever felt like he needed to …
At school I could always be myself
And I could do that without being hated
Without being critiqued
And just accepted into the group of my friends
Unlike my world at my house
At my house I got criticized
I got yelled at for the slightest mistakes
I got hit even though I did nothing wrong
Maybe living here is why they hit me
Anyway I had a world where I could just be me
And not get hated, or hit, or criticized
I wouldn’t have to worry about making mistakes
Because my friends would always forgive me
But now that has drastically changed
One day I don’t know what went terribly wrong
But something went wrong
And now my friends hate me
They glare at me
Yeah they’ll pretend to be my friends
But only for little snippets in time
Then they’ll glare at me and I can feel the glares
I can hear the whispers as they tell each other
All of their opinions about me
None of the opinions are nice just rude and mean
Why do people push love away before they can give love a chance?
Fear, Frustration, Anger and Heart Break changes that.
Have you ever been so excited and so alive with one person yet for no apparent reason they leave and everything changes? One day you guys are doing so much and are so happy that you can’t leave that person behind, because you think that there isn’t anyone as loving like them or enjoy each other’s company? You’ve done almost everything together and feels like nobody can ever replace them? Then one day, you both wake up. They leave you behind for other people. They lie; make excuses. Then they or another person tells you that they never met you… You don’t and never existed in their life before. They pretend that none of those memories ever existed. Your heart breaks when you hear those words. You don’t want to understand, or you actually don’t understand, because you …
Oblivion, sweet temptress!
your softly whispered secret
so simple, seductive
offers welcome respite
to a vulnerable ear
in that fractured moment
I fall shaking at your feet
your womb-like embrace
offered so freely, lovingly,
promises fresh, silent wholeness
to a man balled on the floor
but temptress, beware
your mask is slipping
something subtle, sinister
belies your seductive call
you are no temptress
you are a siren
luring poets to their doom