Only recently have I become aware of the practice of venting. About a year ago I had, what I assumed was a friend, who used to use me for venting. I was under the mistaken impression that this person liked me as a fellow human and valued friend. We would sit at a coffee shop and she would begin unloading all her garbage. One time there was some activity going on behind her so I glanced away from her to look at the commotion. She said, “We’re going to have to change seats. I need you to keep eye contact with me while I speak. I can’t have you looking away. I can handle the distractions better than you.” I was just a little shocked at this, so I said, “No, I’m sitting here and not going to change my seat. I hear with my ears, not my eyes.” This venting would happen frequently and …
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I’ve decided that in two weeks if I can’t earn his trust back…I’m going to kill myself. I’m going to regret it but he’s not one to regret. I love him so much but I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. Maybe I should do a quick death by getting run over or jumping off a bridge. Or maybe kill myself by pills. I don’t know. Just have to make sure these two weeks become the best and happiest of his life….I love you.
It seems like whatever I do nowadays, it doesn’t seem to satisfy that sense of fun that I used to have. Even things that I enjoyed at a point have become things of anxiety and jealousy, which leads to depression. I don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, it could be said easily that it’s because I haven’t been going out, but I have been! So it’s not like that’s the problem. I feel it has something to do with how suicidal I’ve been.
When I was younger, there were things that would pop out to me, things I couldn’t wait to talk about and get to do. Now, all of those things feel off. It’s like; Fashion, right? I love everything about it! Looking your best with styles that ‘wow’ the crowd. I couldn’t get enough of that sort of thing! Now it’s like, “What if there’s someone who looks better than me?” or …
my whole life hasnt been easy it started when I was 2 my dad hung himself in his office at work I dont remember him except this one time we wer watching racing on tv i was on his lap thats all I remember of him then at age 6 my sisters boyfriend touched me I was too young to understand what happened but when he was caught doing it to another kid he was arrested police asked me but I was too scared,of what people would think of me he went to prison for 2 years then at age 8 we moved from my only friend his name was robert ive never seen him since, we did everything together we defended eachother he was like a brother to me then at age 11 we moved to ireland a place where I knew no one and at 12 I lost the ability to talk to …
Sunny day at the beach,
Families are there.
For me, no one cares.
Mom takes kids’ hand,
Bury me in the sand.
Sandcastles and holes,
Hang me from a pole.
Dad with his son,
I have no fun.
They swim in the sea,
They are happy.
I am crappy.
A close family,
No one for me.
The kids cry.
I want to die.
I’ve faded down to the deep blue abyss what’s the point the voice in my head says. I’m too nice I don’t speak my mind I cut to get better i take pills knowing they make me worse I’m just waiting for the last thing to hit
If you have recently lost someone to suicide, you might feel the following…
You will cry for perhaps hundreds of days on end. You might suffer severe sleep deprivation or sleep too much.
You may blame a lot of people, become extremely angry and vent on a lot of people.
You will probably be very unhappy with how people treat you in that they will avoid and ignore you as they cannot cope with the situation themselves, especially family who might isolate you as they do themselves.
There will be many unanswered questions.
The relief is, that if you are able to digest what has happened, it will take between three and ten years in my opinion to properly process the gried.
From my perspective we have taken 3 years in general.
Pharmaceutical drugs may help but may cause more trouble as they are only a band aid and can be hard on the body.
Prayer is essential and if you are atheist, …
These memories seem to escape me as timed and consistent as breathing. So often that it too has become a natural, vital function of living. These reminiscences are half forgotten entities, fuzzy silhouettes besetting my consciousness and dwelling in the recesses of my subconscious. Subtle triggers exist in every aspect of life, so numerous and ample it is impossible to avoid being transfixed and paralyzed by their presence. The palpable pain that accompanies their occupancy is almost addicting as much as I would like to deny. These memories take the form of tangible constructs: the curve of a coffee mug’s handle, the pattern of dimples in the sidewalk, the twisted skin of an oak tree. In the beginning following the conception of these bedeviled assailants I actually invested effort in avoiding their treachery. Now that their companionship have become so painfully inescapable I’ve lost the energy and vitality necessary to do so. …
shall I do it soon or later? will you miss me when I’m gone or will you be pleased? tell me before its too late, I don’t get it no more will you build me up just to break me again like the old times? Am I a play thing to you because I’m your daughter I’m not like the others I’m different then her just because I grew up idolising her doesn’t mean i am her, it doesn’t mean I will be her it just means I looked up to her courage. I’m my own person now I’ve grew up a lot I’m not the 10 year old you saw four years ago I’m a new me that’s a cutter, accept me please because I’m going soon this will be my last post for the hope in me I hope my suicide attempt will go well but if it don’t then remember my story, …
when that feeling of when your 14 years old and your mother speaks about you to everyone but in the most hatered way as if shes helping saying that it would be better if i was back in care well ya know what mother why the fuck did you allow me back in your house when you know im different then the others in our family when i need your support but you just tell your friends and family im incampable of even looking after my self, so what i have a boyfriend and i dont wanna stay on this shitty holiday because your always saying this and that and being horrible, and then you get all upset when i tell you how i feel well this is it you choose mother because im not waiting for your ‘sorry’s’ i just want to live my live and if that means going into a hostle then …