I know I haven’t posted anything recently. It’s cause I’ve been having exams and I’m so very stressed about them… If only I could go outside and play like I did when I was younger, now I just sit inside looking at walls… It’s a depressing thing for sure. And worst of all is that if I go outside… I might be beaten up by the kids on my street… And I don’t really have any friends to play with here, I long for the days that I was younger and could run, spring, jump, climb, play as long as the sun was out! From […]
I really don’t ask for a lot out of life. I mean I’ve wished for a lot of things, sure, and who hasn’t? I know that I don’t need a lot of luxuries in life.  But is it really too much to ask for a little stability in my life? All I want to be able to do is go to sleep at night without being anxious about where I’ll end up sleeping and if I’ll eat tomorrow. It’s the reason I ended up suicidal in the first place. Not the self-esteem issues, not the loneliness, not any failed relationship, not school, not work. Hell, […]
the day i loved him i guess was the day he became my world… i loved him to the core. .. i sacrificed my family first… then my kid whom i loved the most…. and then i get to know he was a fake… now i am alone… no family… no kid… no love… no money.. cut my wrist.. drank phenyl.. prayed to god let me die… but again dat guy would come back telling its all lies.. again he ll say he loves only me… i dont wana forgive him… i just wana ask him wat bad did i do to him.. just loved […]
This is not an easy thing to admit, but I do it willingly. Â I’m addicted to pornography and masturbation. It’s starting to take its toll, 10+ years of masturbation and about 5+ years of pornography. It leaves me extremely depressed and I constantly revisit my addiction to get the temporary rush. I feel more lonely afterwords each time. I don’t like dating because I feel insecure and unworthy. I don’t feel good enough to be with anyone, I fell like I tear people down and suck them into my sadness. I’ve always been different and people notice. I honestly try to be kind and friendly […]
Having a hard time dealing with the fact that everyone I get close to, seems to betray me… is it me? I don’t understand. I’m too a point where I feel walls have fell on top of me and I’m running out of oxygen. I feel as if I’m overly nice, maybe that attracts shit? If anyone has any insight please share. -_- *Ranting*
I feel as though I need to express my final words somewhere. I clearly cannot reach out to loved ones about my decision, but I feel the need to write a final “goodbye” so to speak. I have been suffering from anorexia for 7 years. It has truly been a coping mechanism for the deep depression I feel and being unable to process my emotions in a healthy way. Without it, I cannot function. With it, I cannot function. There seems to be no winning for me. I have tried treatments and therapy and medicines, it doesn’t work. I am scheduled to be admitted to […]
I will be gone by next week!
I’ve been contemplating meaning of life, suicide, god or no god stuff in a past few years.. And in this search for answers, Alan Watts in one of his talks suggested that things that human organism does automatically (breathing, growing our bones, beating our heart…) is done by none other than us. All those functions we do by ourselves, and they are not really automatic, we’re just not aware that we do it.
So, yesterday it occurred to me. If this is so (and it makes perfect sense), and one day when the body is old, a person subconsciously decides to just stop all bodily activities, […]
Okay, so I am twelve years old and I am super depressed. I swear, I took the depression test online. The scores were ranked from score zero (no depression) to score 55 (extremely high depression). I got a 49, which isn’t good. Anyway, I am being bullied and I WAS abused. Now I’m in foster care 😉 but I’m still not happy for some odd reason. I try to meditate and relax, but it never helps. Just please help me…
I feel like ending my life. I feel like I don’t deserve to live because I’m not a good person I’m always unhappy even when things are good. I’m 19 and I recently won a scholarship to go to
School & at first I was super happy but now  I’m about to start in 2 days but I’m not excited anymore (btw it’s my first semester) but it’s like there was so many problems with getting the scholarship in my funds and I had so many issues understanding the the whole process of what was going on with my enrollment and all that stuff. Ugh […]
im only young, 13,& I know it’s not right feeling like this, are my friends like it? I don’t know, I don’t even know anymore, I shut my self down. I’d rather die? What have I got here anymore, my life is a disaster that I can’t escape, my arms and legs are cut and nobody notices because They are hiD, I’m to scared for suicide, but then I’m scared to live anymore, I just need h e l p
TEDx How do YOU define yourself? Through others? Through haters? Don’t. Don’t let others write your story for you. You are the author of you diary. No one should control your life.
I thought I’d actually post something positive for once. A year today I have been a vegetarian. Ys. Go moi. And also, seeing as it’s my birthday, some people have decided to acknowledge me. Wow.Besides things I hear in my head and the shit I see, because sadly these kinds of problems don’t take holidays off,, today has been reasonably okay. Makes a change. o-o
I’ve always been the kind of person who remembers things; every little word, every little insult thrown at me. I remember the first time I told you about my self-harm. I showed you my wrists. First thing you said? “Good luck finding a job with those; they’ll all see you’re a crazy *****”.
So I began cutting my legs.
You caught me cutting a few months later. Clearly upset that you weren’t able to control the situation, you spit your venom at me once again.
“Give me the knife,” you said, “I’ll cut you deep, stop being such a *****”.
That’s why today, when you looked at my scars […]
Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence, no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or terribly thin line near the […]
Lyrics
Death surrounds
My heartbeat’s slowing down
I won’t take this world’s abuse
I won’t give up, I refuse!
This is how it feels when you’re bent and broken
This is how it feels when your dignity’s stolen
When everything you love is leaving
You hold on to what you believe in
The last thing I heard was you whispering goodbye
And then I heard you flat line
No, not gonna die tonight
We’re gonna stand and fight forever
(Don’t close your eyes)
No, not gonna […]
Glad to see Mr. Stapp again.
Conflicted guy, but who isn’t? Â Maybe that’s why his fans relate with him.
but we all made it so bad, some good people undergo lots of pain which causes them to suicide
for every suicide on this planet all other humans are reasonable (directly or indirectly)
i’ve been on 200mg for a year to help stabalize my moods……or at least my outward reaction to them. However there is the weight loss thing. i lost weight but leveled………..out until recently i got sucked into a major depression. So, i am slowly being weaned off because of sudden drastic weight loss. i look like Jack Skellington only not as fun or cute, all rib, spine n pelvis-gross. Other than being completly irratable and aggressive there are physical effects as well. i do NOT feel well…..and felt this med was working well(other than starving, lol) anybody else with insight or experience?