I’m an 18 year old male adult. I had a great child hood, was well off, had loving parents and family.Fast forward to today and our lucrative family business was destroyed by my uncle by over spending and not paying taxes. So we have like no money now and we have to sell our house. Now that I graduated High School I went to community college which dropped out of because I couldn’t do it. It’s not that I’m stupid it’s just that I’m not disciplined enough to study and read. Like I made an A+ in an English essay, but it fucking took forever […]
To stay on the phone with someone as they are going through with their exit plan?
I’ve been painting more.
Two people bought my artwork.
It made me happy even though I wanted to slice up my wrists.
Maybe I’ll keep painting.
I see them. The little shadows that crawl around the corner. I see the weird shapes in windows. I see it all. Maybe they are here to keep me company. Maybe they are here to help me. Maybe they are here because they know what it’s like to feel alone when people are all around. They must understand what feeling empty is like. Maybe. Maybe I’m not alone. Or maybe I am. I don’t even know. I keep thinking I want someone, because “It will make it all better” ,but that doesn’t seem to be true. It is just don’t believe that people could actually […]
So my therapist asks me today what I’m going to do when my mom is gone. Â I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I am counting on the end. Â When that happens, with any luck, I’ll be dead too. Â How cowardly, though, to not be able to say what I’m thinking. Â A boy ought to take pride in his plan if he indeed is dead-set on it… right?
That’s the problem; I’m not sure enough. Â After suffering for many more years, I could be too weak to do it. Â After all, I’ve been too weak up to this point. Â I should explain my story. […]
As the time approaches and friends post sappy facebook videos, I found myself frustrated that we can’t choose to die and have our organs donated. Â Suicide methods just don’t lend well to organ donation and the timing would be tricky. Â How lovely would it be to drift under anesthesia and never have to wake up again?
I would love to give my life to someone who is dying to live. Â I don’t want my life and my body could be used to save so many other people who actually want to live but may die waiting for transplants. Â I don’t feel my life is living anyways […]
I thought I was getting better. Â But I’m not. Â I sit in my room and contemplate life, mostly the ending. Â I know that I can’t just end it, but at the same time, I want to. Â It’s like the first time you cut. Â You just kind of want to know what it feels like. Â You don’t want to do it, but you want to see if it will help ease the ache, get rid of the pain. Â I want to know if death will do that. Â But at the same time I’m too scared to try.
Is that normal? Â Well obviously not if I’m on this […]
I am in love with a girl named sabrina. Today at school i saw her crying and i asked her “who’s ass do i need to kick?” And everyone pointed at jason. I should have killed him then and there but i tried to leave him alone. Sabrina eventually went into the bathrooms and cried. I think she may have ended up cutting too. I want to take away her pain but i dont know how. Getting back at jason will only make things worse. she wont talk to me about it and i dont know what to do now. If she ended up cutting […]
I’m not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but i’m not sure where else to ‘rant’ about it.
So I started University just over a month ago, and since about a week after I arrived I have been in something of a downward spiral. My flatmates are all nice, there’s lots to do and lots of people to meet but I am becoming increasingly unhappy.
I can fake it around others, act happy and interested but I can’t stand doing so. I shut myself up in my room for days at a time, not being able to leave because the […]
The only thing I’ve been managing do well lately is my remarkable ability to screw up my life. Â 🙁
How do I help myself? How? I’m trying every thing I could think of but nothing seems to work anymore. I can’t take my pain anymore. It’s too much. I’m small. I’m weak. Are you going to leave me to die? Please, don’t…
I’m feeling much less depressed these days. To be honest, I don’t feel much of anything. I’m on 200mg of sertraline.
I find that, although I make friends very easily, I form normal relationships, and people appear to enjoy spending time with me, beneath my friendly outer self, I loathe almost everybody I come into contact with. And I find that part of me even wants to watch people suffer. I feel as though while my motivation has increased of the past few months, I have also become more manipulative and unconcerned with the feelings of other people (though, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure […]
Note: as i have written earlier, i sometimes use SP as diary. this is basically just a personal note i want to give to myself, a kind of remainder of a conclusion so that i don’t get lost again or atleast have at the back of my mind that i’ve made some conclusions which are more important than normal random thoughts. all in all i want to get rid of these thoughts without fear of forgetting their essence.
good days are going (i.e. currently happening). but i’m tired of them. in fact i get tired of good days sooner than that of bad days. its looking […]
Sometimes I just spend my night thinking how this family will function after I’m gone. Some nights I’ll cry hysterically because I know no one in this family will ever self reflect, see what they do to me, how they destroy me. Some nights I keep blaming myself for everything that happened, apologizing for not dying in the hospital after I was admitted with fever after 14-02-1994. Some nights I lose myself in every memory that was created and end up fainting, screaming in agony. Some nights I try my best to cut every flaw away, break my skin in the hope that my spirit […]
Yes, Little G, there is a difference between saying the words and meaning the words. What’s the difference? You have to cut through the silacone b.s. of intellectualism and take a look at what you really want. If you would look upon the darkness of the hidden motivations that you harbor just below the surface, you would abandon them.
Consider this:
I want the peace of God.
“To say these words is nothing. But to mean these words is everything. If you could but mean them for just an instant, there would be no further sorrow possible for you in any form; in any place or time. Heaven […]
After two weeks out of a mental institution after I tried killing myself I am sitting in class wondering what is my next step where do I go from here? 42 pills. 3 times trieng to commit suicide. I guess there is a reason I am still here. When you get to a point where you feel like nobody understands and nobody loves you it sucks it really does. I am lucky though because I got the help that I need and I just hope I am strong enough to do it.
Does anyone  know if i slipknoted a scarf tight enough around my neck and carotid artery that i would pass out and die about 10-20 minutes later? I read alot about suspension hanging and i would rather just do it this way if it would work. What do you think?
Note: This is my personal experience and I tried to explain everything I could, I could explain better but I’m not a writer,I’ll write whatever comes in my mind and sorry for the English grammar mistakes 🙂 So, let me show you how to die without pain, it works 100% and I know it is going to be a long article (may be) but it worth reading. 🙂 I’m not here to waste your time or make you feel bad, I want to show you, […]
If anyone wants to talk about things forbidden here you can email me privately at aracole568@yahoo.com
Even though I have survived into my elder years and have mostly good days now, I still have my bad days. On those days, I wonder why respectful painless assisted suicide is illegal for the person who can’t share human joys and efforts; hence chooses not to continue living a painful life.
Why does society force us to suffer until the end? Once one has reached a certain crossroad and made a definite choice, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men cannot truly put them back together again. More usually, like me, they are forced to survive in a solitary situation until the […]