I brought some rope at Home Depot yesterday. It was kind of funny the look the guys that was standing behind gave me. He looked like he knew something was up. Another day and my life sucks.
Too frunk to dunction.
so i have been doing okay, one of those just getting by kind of things. Â But today i had a complete horrible day and i really want to give up. and its like you have been doing good all this time and to let something like this get you so far down that your contemplating suicide is just preposterous right. but still i cant help but think about it. im tired and i cant keep doing this. i cant stand everyday “just getting by”. and thats one thing that no one understand. first of all i have to stay home instead of going off to […]
I just wanna rant about nothing for a bit.
I think the worst part of me is my anger. I don’t like feeling sad, and I’m just not comfortable with it. I still feel depressed, but I never express my sadness unless I’m behind closed doors. Even then I don’t like crying. I feel like it damages my masculinity….even though I’m a girl… but that’s not the point.
Instead of showing sadness, I show one of the only emotions I am comfortable with; anger. I’ll punch walls, throw books (which usually only happens when it has a bad ending), and and kick things. I’ve even broken a […]
I don’t even know anymore. Thinking about ending it tonight. Blahh notsurewhateverbye.
So it’s been a couple months since I posted, and I kinda left on bad terms. I didn’t think I needed this site but I apparently do. After I left I tried writing in a journal just to get some thoughts out which was found by a family member of mine and a lot of shit went down. Which is why my username has changed as well because I needed a new identity. Lately, things have been so up and down. I go through periods of time where I’m so happy and then other times when I feel like I’m suffocating and just break down and […]
You lay down fire..for all the world to see. Don’t think that no one..is listening..to an aging heart, and a beat gone dry..sparking no flame to bare.. in your lonely eyes.
Can’t be faced with harder..when it’s way too hard. And when it seems too tempting..you can’t fake the scars. We all want something bad..but those good things never seem to last.
Please tell me, sometimes..it’s better.. to live and forget. But I can’t be holding back here.. when you’ve got nothing left. Faking a smile gets harder..and the ones that we get don’t seem to help. You seem to never ask..and surely seems you […]
So I’ve been cutting for almost a year now and about two months in my parents saw my wrist. I couldn’t stop cutting after they found out so I started cutting in places they couldn’t see (chest and thighs). I guess I got carried away because a few weeks ago I wore a tank top that was a bit low and they saw the scars…
Instead of getting sad and being supportive like a normal parent, they got extremely angry. They began screaming at me, telling me what a screw up I was, how bad parents I made them seem. I didn’t really care because they […]
I told my therapist the truth about my suicidal thoughts and what they call tendencies. I told her how I planned my recent attempt 2 months in advanced and how the day before my set date, I had what I can definitely say was the worst anxiety attack I have ever had that led me to thinking somehow that overdosing would be a quieter method. Needless to say I failed and the 2 weeks after were filled with physical pain, alcohol and self -harm. I told her that a month after my attempt, I can’t talk about it. The words do not come out of […]
Heads up, this is a rant. I need someone in the world to hear this even though it will never change my life. No, this is not the only reason I want my life to be over but of all the reasons, this is the only one I chose and I want someone to understand how stupid I feel and how lost I am.
I don’t even know who I am anymore. I used to think that when I started my own life, I’d do things right. I’d find love and give love. I’d be strong and confident. I’d make everyone around me feel welcome and […]
Just a couple of days ago I realized I was asexual and since I’ve been quite happy.
I’ve always been disgusted by sex and was never really attracted to anyone and knowing what I am gives me a sense of contentment.
The only thing that’s bothering me is my friends and girlfriend dont seem to understand…
I still love my girlfriend, and I’ll be able to love other people, I just don’t want anything to do with sex.
I still want to get married and adopt children, but they don’t understand.
I’m also afraid that when I tell my parents they’ll treat treat me like […]
Do you ever get that feeling that you would just want to cry your heart out, but you just can’t make yourself to cry?
I have noticed that this disgusting thing is happening to me again. It’s that no matter how sad, depressed, angsty or mad I feel, I can’t cry. It’s been a whole summer, about two months, and no single tear has came fom my eyes even though I have wanted to cry just to let this horrible feeling out of me. I don’t know why, but it’s causing me very bad feeling that is just growing stronger and bigger and I can’t […]
Do you ever get that feeling like you don’t know what’s happening to you but at the same time you know exactly what it is? It’s like you know the word they describe it but when you’re experiencing it, it’s foreign to you, like something you’ve never handled before. But you know it. You’ve been there before. You’ve lived through it. But it’s as if time rewound itself and you’re experiencing it again for the first time.
I thought I’m free…safe. Maybe I was just running away. Maybe, I’ve never really been able to handle anything. My default is to shove it all in a box […]
I am deeply frustrated….. and fucked up again…..does anyone know a good manga read?
… We’re not always able to be here 100% of the time, so we’re sorry for the delay in removing the recent troll.
There will always be Internet trolls as long as there are communities of people online. It’s best not to feed or interact with them, because their only purpose and goal is to get such interaction and make you mad and frustrated. Ignoring them until an admin is online and removes them is the best course of action… even though we know it’s hard to do.
When someone asks ” Do you get thoughts of suicide?” or ” Do you think of suicide?”
I often say “Yes, but not of committing suicide just in general” I don’t think they believe me when I say that but can’t someone think about suicide in general and not be suicidal?
Educate me on the difference?
HIGH SCHOOL.
My last 2 years.
I’m nervous
How did you guys survive?
Last year, I had no problems, except that this girl started fights with me – but I didn’t fight back
The year before that – lets just say social services got involved.
How can I get through this year without problems?
So im really into thoerys mythed things to be discovered y so i did som research on the butterfly effect here is the bases: So ive research this a bunch when im bored it is called “The butterfly effect” that is the title of a movie but it is also something which was studied and also the moral of that movie i will explain do you realize every decision and action you make does not only effect you but effects the world…even dropping a pen…even the smallest action impacts the world…ya see ther are always two ways for a scenario to go…for example the pen…if […]
I dont wanna slip up i hurting so bad its like a part of me is fading away i try not to worry because i know ill have it back one day but its killing me to know it’ll be out of my reach for any amount of time at the moment thoughts of suicide are racing through my head so i think im ganna do what i call a cleannsing take an extremly long shower blast my music and cry …….i need it
It’s 1 a.m somewhere in a little country in South America and right now, while reading that most suicide survivors look back and are glad they didn’t die, I can wholeheartedly say I beg to differ. I wish it would have worked the 1st, the 2nd or the 3rd time. Maybe I just had an awful day today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll see things differently. I’d like to believe I will.