I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I mean, Owen is a great guy. He’s wonderful. But my thoughts still drift back to Trevor. And I feel like I’m not giving Owen the kind of love he deserves. I can’t just lie to him. But I don’t think I can break his heart, either. See, I wouldn’t have this problem with Trevor. At least, I don’t think I would. Â I really like Trevor, and God, I feel horrible for saying it, but I can’t help how I feel. Help?
Feeling really lonely tonight
Those of us who feel reprieve from the depths of hell need to step up. This is my first attempt at following any type of Suicide Blog and had absolutely NO idea that people post as they are fading away. I was usually too intoxicated and incoherent to do anything other than scream and yell into a phone at the few people who would still pick up the phone.
I am reading right now that people are in the throws of taking their lives as we breath at this moment. They are taking pills or trying to hang themselves yet still have the where with all […]
So I’m not going to bother you too much with this.
But I want to die because I have no purpose here any more.
This is because:
I feel worthless and alone. There is no-one who cares, no-one who wants me. I could see people celebrating my death.
I am a coward so I want to take the easy escape route away from my horrible feelings. Ironically, I am just too cowardly to even go through with suicide. Hopefully this will change.
I have been abused all my life by my fucking dad. That’s right. I hate him so fucking much, and what’s worse is I am too chicken […]
I’m 23 and its been an incredibly long and tedious life to live so far. So many problems I’ve faced and am still facing. I’m fed up of its. It’s not how I wanted my life to be. I’ve always tried my upmost to be a good and decent person, I think I’ve failed myself somewhere down the years. All my problems have been caused by myself. I’m to blame.
ive cut myself off from my family, narcissistic mother ruined lifeline when I was younger, I made the decision to not let her destroy it anymore.
my boyfriend, he’s great, I call him names and get angry […]
My life is only getting worse…
I last posted here in October, when I was feeling terrible.
Things were a little better for a while. I was coping with coursework, I felt like I was becoming more than a mass of sobbing ridiculousness. Christmas was nice. It’s the first nice Christmas I’ve had since… actually, I don’t remember the last nice one. This one was the best.
I’m still sick of disappointing. No matter how I try, I’m not trying hard enough. The father still hates me. The mother is still too far away. My siblings are all still worth so much more. One is a shining example of a man. One is […]
death is our bed it is a warm bed for the tired who have had enough of the winter that is this world fall asleep in the bed and drift into the eternal dream.
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I must explain my suicides. I do not commite to die, I commite to decide whether this life is worth the struggle.
Sometimes the pain shadows all and my life is nothing but pain. So I put my life in fates hands. If I die then life was not worth the pain but to live gives me the strengh to fight on.
I let it take over, I let it win and I let it end it all but then to wake up afterwards means the pain had its chance but it couldn’t finish me. It could of had my life but my life was […]
I don’t want to go out just a number in history. I don’t want to be nameless in the history books. I go on this site, and I see people with a lot of potential to go down in history- if they could make it through the hard times. If they could find something worth fighting for. Because really, when it’s all said and done, you will be a number. Part of the “estimated (number) that died in the year 2013…). But while we live we can be a hero. Heroes come from the most unlikely of places. Heroes are only heroes because they took […]
Not too long ago, I was taking a shower. Brother was being an ass, my Dad just got his ass arrested, and I was sick of dealing with myself. I reached for the razor. I’ve never exactly cut myself. People can see those marks as clear as day, especially with my pale skin. But that doesn’t mean I can’t inflict pain. I just do it in ways that leave no marks. But that day, all I wanted to do was break that razor. I don’t know how long I stood there, just staring at that sharp piece of metal. It was all I wanted to […]
I just re-watched Tom Hank’s Cast Away for the first time in years. I never paid attention to these lines but now it makes a lot of sense. Maybe it can also turn your day around. Here goes:
“Â I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her. ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So… I made a rope and I went up to the […]
….cause i am worth more than a piece of brainless metal. like some ignorant low lifes out there. I will one day be strong enough to not get dented by peoples ignorance. Along with that ill still have my.emotional maturity to be sensitive to people and understand them. That is worth more than a tough piece of cold heartless metal. I can at least control my frusterations enough to make a young innocent girl not feel like a trashcan.
Yeah ill learn to get over it, . Its not easy doing the right thing most.of the time, vut you learn to […]
My whole life has seemed a blur, like nothing is real and everything is just underlined with pain. I actually come from a successful and wealthy background, I have never been left wanting for more. However, for some reason the only thoughts  I seem to house are ones of suicide. It happens in the shower, at work, in bed, at family gatherings….. absolutely everywhere. Its like being tortured and destroyed from the inside out. About a year ago I met someone who was the first person I ever opened up to. I told him how I felt over time, and he promised to help and […]
EMDR. It’s pretty intriguing and seems to hold a lot of promise. I’ve completed two sessions and while I am still pretty despondent… I feel lighter. I think I released some trauma from my childhood…I’m not sure but it feels that way. There might be hope to be “normal” unhappy instead of the constant suicidal ideations and “what-if” scenarios that play in my head on loop ad infinitum.
Am a 23yr old female from zambia am looking for a friend that I can talk to. I’ve being depressed my whole life. Am forever thinking of killing myself, but am too much of a coward to do it. I have therefore decided to pretend that am fine, put on a smile and live out my miserable life. After some time, I guess people start getting irritated with the whole suicide and depressed talk. And I would rather pretend am happy than have people forever trying to fix me. If anyone has decided to live the depression, email me at obfuscate89@gmail.com
Thinking rationally through simple reasoning a decent. person can come.to.terms and understand that hate is nothing short of an illusion. What we actually mean when we say “i hate this, i hate you, that is stupid, i could care less about that.” We are actually saying that we do not understand, we just dont care to learn, we are frusterated or we care more than we’d like to admit. If only we could all find the wherewith all to admit we are misjuging of otheres and wed like to think we are the ones who are right and the other is in wrong and you […]
feel drained, feel tired. i met with the therapist again yesterday, after three years of it not working i thought i was done but after family therapy finished i decided to have one more session to see if i was really done with therapy, turns out im not. i told her i only want like 3 sessions per subject i want to talk about, i dont want it to drag on again till i feel even more stuck.
one of the things i bought up was about unconditionla love, that i havent ever had that from family or parents the way most other people seemed to […]
were always wanting more. were setting ourseves up for weakness, like we need the nexgeneration of the latest gizmo to fullfill our satisfaction threshhold as i like to call it. we think we re fixing the void and we will be happy once we just have ONE more thing. Sounds reasonable right? to the untrained eye.
Little do many know is that were only RAISING the bar on our satisfactory threshhold meter meaning our minds are becoming desensitized to the satisfaction that the new flavour of the month was giving us and it craves more!; a more intense, unique more satisfying flavour. We […]
today i can be sad and wonder why do roses have thorns. Sometimes the right thing to.do hurts the most. The ones who seem like they have it all together are the ones who may need the compass the most. Pain is beauty, it enriches our lives imensly, it makes love stronger, it compels us to do insane things when tough times call for desperate measures. Imagine a world with no pain. No suffering. It wouldnt seem real, some might say boring, we would take pleasure for granted. We would be weak and lack character
We would parish as a key survival mechanism disappears. […]