i hate how i get mad at the littlest things… someone can look at me wrong and i’m so mad that i’m ready to knock their heads off.
Tomorrow at 3 inthe morning Alberta time I have to face oneoff my worse fears…me and my family r flying to Ontario and I have a deathly fear of planes.. I’ve heard to many bad things about them. But we r flying to Ontario our flight leaves at 7 in the morning butim scared to go through security and to get on the plain.. My moms bf says that the plane istotally safe but im still scared to go on the plane idk wat to do…Knowing me ill probably freak out… Im scared to be on one airplane with lots of people idk…. Â idk wat […]
Last night just wasn’t a good night for me . I guess you could call it my first real attempt at suicide. Before I’ve only cut myself and have thoughts about suicide but last night I just went kinda crazy for no real reason. I guess it was mostly because I had my first day of school and my first day of cheer after two weeks of missed practices- needless to say I was stressed. I’ve nver taken more pills then I should but I’ve always thought of it as a way of suicide. So last night I took  20 pills- 8 Advil, 4 ibuprofen, […]
I love her, I love her with everything I have. I need her. But this guy and her are like, bestfriends. I told her Ive fallen for her, she doesn’t text back. I feel as if ,I feel as if I am in a dark, cold room. Trapped for ever. No windows, no furniture. I feel as if the world is against me. My friends, the girl I love, EVERYTHING. I can’t take anymore…
intense, this is intense, i havent felt this bad in a while. hope its temporary,damit
Just went to my school’s course advicer.wrap up s that.i might have to be on probation next session..truth s dat i just dnt gve a 4ck anymore.
i don’t know who i am anymore. i don’t know where i’m going, i dont think i want to go anywhere. i want everything to end. now. i’ve come to the dead end, the end of no return. i no longer know what it’s like to be happy. happy- what is that word? what does that even mean? i wish i could wake up in the morning and love my life and love everything around me. but i dont. i wake up hating the person i am in the mirror, i hate the sun, and the flowers, and the trees. i hate the day time. […]
what does your average person feel like when they wake up? what do they feel like when they are sad? do they ever seriously want to die or hurt themselves? also what would happy people answer to these questions? im curious.
When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
So starting today…
Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
Give up complaining. – Do something about it.
Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Give […]
Thanks to everyone at Suicide Project. I’ve been working on healing my spirit and getting good results. You have to do the work but first must reach out. Don’t be scared, fear comes wether you sit at home or go out and try and get yourself healed. Remember, need to do the work, even if you know you are going to die.   Here’s a poem:
When I want to die, when I no longer want to be here.
I look through a microscope, and all is clear.
The beauty of Life, is so amazing.
Makes all my problems disappear.
No more pain.
No more tears.
No more injustice.
No more fears.
I am the God, who […]
I saw an episode from Monty Python where a man is imprisoned in the Soviet Union, and guards have just grabbed him to take him from his cell to be tortured and executed. Suddenly someone is shaking his shoulder and telling him to wake up. He sees he’s laying in a lawn chair at his own house, and his sweet loving elderly mother is standing over him. He’s so happy, he cries “Mother, thank God! It was all a dream!” and she just gives him a beaming smile and says “oh, no, dear, this is the dream! You’re still back […]
Yesterday was a normal day, Iwas going on with my day like a zombie. I feel so lifeless, like a robot just doing shit. The day before yesterday I slept in my car because I couldnt deal with my brother. I just needed to be alone. So last night I came home to a bunch of notes on my table. No its not even my table.
Heres my living situation, got kicked out of parents house, live with newly wed brother and his wife in their new home, they are over achievers and active people while I am just a bum, I was not allowed to bring […]
I know probably no one will believe this, but this story of a girl who hung herself at age 17 and had a near death experience ( she was hanging for between 8-12 minutes) I found hopeful and encouraging for me personally. It made me think that maybe, just maybe no matter how much of a “nerd” people view me as, no matter what a useless failure I am to everyone, that maybe somehow someone could care for me and love me when no one else does. I just post the link here because maybe it might cheer someone else up who has […]
My parents want me to go somewhere today :/ I really don’t want to do anything besides lay on this floor …. I don’t want to out side or gave to talk to anyone … And all the light -.- how can I posibly hate light thi much I feel like I’m just bitching a bunch. Does anyone have any suggestions? And if I leave my house I can’t txt my gf and I cant be on here then it all gets worse :/ idk what to do I so badly don’t want to leave Plus I have a feeling something really bad is gunu […]
completely lonely but sitting right next to people…*sigh* life must get better at some point
I don’t know who to trust these days.
Seems like everybody in this world knows how to back-stab one another.
I’m living in a world with 7 billion people
And 14 billion faces …
last night i was sitting in bed drawing for my friend and my demons kept calling me fat and shit (which i am) and then the thought of bulemia sufaced….i honestly dont know any more…i plan to kill myself on the 23d…my birthday…i cant wait, what a joy it would be to commit suicide on my
Own
Birthday. Just fun 😉
Is it really fair to my family for them to watch me in pain, to be distant, to hide my depression. When i grew up, my mom and dad divorced. I lived with my mom, she was depressed and threaten to me that she would kill herself. I was only 7 at the time. Every morning waking up and wondering if I was going to lose her.
Now, I’m depressed and I have been wanting to drive my truck 100 mph and run into a telephone poll or something. Is it fair that I make my 6 month old son watch […]
Just returned from my first appointment with my therapist! They said I have a severe anxiety disorder! New meds and weekly visits! Let’s see if this helps **fingers crossed**
– Layne