suicidal, again

After four great years on Seraquel I pooped out on it five months ago. Since then my doc has tried three medicines and none have worked. I had almost forgotten what this was like (almost!). Four years of peace after a lifetime of hell. Now, back in hell again. Sixteen suicide attemps in five months. Today, I’m out of the hospital again, at least for a few days. It always takes a few days until I’m ready for the next one. I feel so hopeless again; there’s such terrible mental pain; I’m crying. I’m here alone again, and I want to die.