can’t go on

  May 6th, 2005 by Sandra

My husband of fifteen years left me without warning on November 4th, 2004, we had both just celebrated our 50th birthdays . No sign, I saw nothing coming, neither did his or my family. We have no kids.

He assured me no other woman was involved. In the weeks that followed I discovered on the internet that he had been registered since June on a web dating service and had found someone.

We have a company together to which I no longer have access. Many things had been hidden from me there too.

In the last four years, I have had some strange health problems – accidents ending with a broken back bone when he left (I fell, he was not violent).

It has been six months, and all the news I get from him is that he has gone to Bali (never enough to go on a trip with me) is he has never looked back. He never asks about me…he has dropped me like a piece of garbage.

When I met him he had no money, no car, furniture etc, had a record. We lived in my home and always complained that I didn’t want to sell him part of my home (my parents home).

Now that he has left so abruptly, I cannot get over the sudden , and to me, heartless departure. I have been taking anti-depressants etc, and seeing a therapist but these suicidal thoughts and thoughts of desperation are getting worse. I live alone and am at my wits end trying to encourage myself not to do anything.

I am an only child and my parents are dead. I don’t know where to go or what to do. If I could only be sure that I would do this right, no problem, the thought of messing my suicide attempt and staying gaga I suppose is what is holding me back for the moment.

Have always felt less that perfect, never good enough, pretty enough (although I seem to have no problem attracting men), my heart and this voice tells me otherwise.

I miss my husband, but cannot believe that the only person I trusted and shared my life with for 15 years, and built a company together has been cheating and left with someone else as if it was perfectly normal. just writing about it turns my stomach.


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