no answer still & 35

I’m hearing you friend!!
I have plenty of friends, great family supports, I’m young, have a good job, people say I’m very attractive, intelligent etc…People say I’ve got so much going for me and I’ve got so much to look forward to in the future.
But I really couldn’t care less. I can never remember a time in my life where I was actually happy and it wasn’t me trying to convince myself to smile or laugh.
I didn’t want to be born, I wish my mother had gone through with the abortion. I’m just tired of being here, I never wanted it and only stay around for everyone else around me. But no one will understand it…they’ll just think it’s another one of those hasty, not of their right mind impulse suicides, and I don’t want to be seen in that way. It’s just what I want.
Sort of the same thing?