I cant leave them

Well I know that I cant ever leave my family. To many ppl depend on me. I have a 9 year old so , a husband who adores me. But I cant get over the pain of my past. Things wont go away, I keep hearing voices in my head, telling me to hurt myself. I used to cut when I was younger and that helped w/ my inner pain. I promised those around me that I wouldnt ever do that again, so that is no longer an option. I used to be able to stop the voices but now they are so loud and so strong that nothing makes them go away. I cant sleep at night b/c of the voices, Im haunted by my past mistakes and haunted by past friends who have departed this cruel world. Im afraid to do any kind of inner search of my life. Im afraid of what the results will be. Ive opened my closets and I cant hide the blackness that I once hid from everyone. It is there and it is me. Im my own worst enemy. I cant see any light at the end of the tunnel, I dont even think there is an end. Everything about me is and was wrong, except my son who I love more then this life that is mine. I cant leave b/c of him. My husband is also the best, hes just afraid as I am of what and when the end will come.