ridiculous

June 23rd, 2006by iamsickofthisalready

So it is all sort of really pointless if you really want to give someone a wake up call and you know better because people don’t change. Don’t put your head in a clothes bag in the closet and then bang on the wall when you start to lose air. He isn’t coming. He already heard you [sic- me] hitting your [my] head against the headboard about a 1000 times trying to knock yourself [myself] out (by the way he is in the loft next door and there are thin walls) and ignored you [me] then. He knew I probably wouldn’t have the courage and , well, he was right. In fact I just upset the dog. okay – He seemed normal. He is not. He is really an ass. And I am the fool that let it get so far that I can hardly dig myself out by myself. ughhh. that is a super long story starting with a pretty vivacious, successful magazine editor and entrepeneur who has ended up less than penniless – with her business reputation in pieces and, to top it all off – now an atrophying agoraphobic. Otherwise I probably would have shaken this before – trust me. What I really want to know is how do I deal with him now? I have him almost physically out of my life…(well – that is not really going to completley happen for a while – way too complicated). Despite the fact I am heart broken (oh – that is accurate and yet an understatement – I am heartbroken about the world as a whole as much as him) and struggling and tired and not able to put on as good a show as I would like to. Tell me what to do, what to say – whether I mean it or feel it yet – I don’t want to give him one iota, atom, particle of satisfaction from this moment on out. I also don’t want to dwell on this or create situations to show him how “okay” I am. I just need REAL advice on how to handle the inevitable contact, completion of the break, detail sorting. What is my demeanor? What should I never say? What should I say? I am totally serious. I do not really want to mess with him – I just ABSOLUTELY need to regain my dignity in order to survive. It is sort of the “smile and you’ll be happy” theory- I need to “act dignified and a-okay” and it will help me become thus. If this was someone else asking me I could answer this in my sleep – I swear. But it’s “my nose to spite my face” sort of thing. Can’t see the forest for my own trees. Help, and soon – this is going to start immediately.

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