The last straw

ITs just nice to be able to wine to someone. Everyone that is my friend is my friend because im a good listener, but what about me. No one gives a shit about what i have to say. I have been putting up with guys fucking me just cuz their girlfriends dont put out, and then being friends with the girlfriends like nothing happened. I put up with guys that are my boyfriends cheating on me. I deal with people thinking i say things, when really i keep to myself and dont like to talk trash. I go to church 2 times a week for my mom, and get good grades for my dad. I do drugs to keep my best friend, and to get guys to pay attention to me. What appretiation do i get? I get grounded and beat, and yelled at.I have been cutting since 6th grade just to keep myself from exploding, and now im a sophmore and i cant handle it anymore. Im a nervouse wreck; I cant sleep or eat. This is the last straw, i dont know how much longer i can go. I only keep going for my 3 beautiful sisters, and my adorable brother. I am the eldest and have to stay strong for them. Does anyone relate to this?