October 17th, 2006 by Rachel

I live everyday felling sorry for myself, well i know that people must have it worse off but i just need this nightmare to be over, it’s like a vulture feeding off my flesh and any left happiness is being sucked out of me like a wirlpool of terror. The feeling gets stronger each day, and theres no-one i can talk to about it.
Thinking back to when i was younger, well it’s not hard, it only started a few years ago, it was so easy. But trying to imagine back to when my body was full of live, when i could walk around the streets and glance with a smile on my face to strangers i probably wouldn’t ever see again, well that’s hard to remember. Now strangers just see the fear in my eyes, but not many do, it takes me alot a time, effort and currage to leave my own house. I’m not looking for simpathy, i oready pity myself, i wouldn’t enjoy the fact that other people did too.
I’m not going to get into my life, because regret, lies, tears, death and just fucking hating myself arn’t good things too read about. If your suicidal, taking pills never work, it just takes up doctors time, when they could be saving people who deserve to live. Sharp things like razors may scare you now but if you do it once, it’s like a drug addiction, and it isn’t as painful as you may think.
This is the last message you will recieve from me as i have done it once, and it doesnt scare me anymore, what i’m about to do i will have no regrets. Just remember think before you act.

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