I just wish it was over

  April 11th, 2007 by kakky1950

I don’t think I would ever have the guts to do myself in, but I’m so very tired, I have much to be thankful for, but have suffered such loss. My mother died of cancer when I was 17, my father was murdered when I was 32, I am a cancer survivor and a single mother. My daughter is 26 and back home after a failed marriage. Mercifully, there are no children from her marriage, but mountains of debt. I have been at the same job in the county where I live for 32 1/2 years. I have the time in but not enough age yet to retire. Not that I could afford to live on the retirement anyway.

I don’t know, I feel like a whiner, but atleast no one knows me here so I can whine all I want and nobody will know it is me.

I’m just totally exhausted by the day to day living. There is no romance in my life. I have a few very dear friends, however, I’ve never know what it was like to have a man I could trust. My first husband (highschool sweetheart) turned gay after his first tour in Vietnam. He was a wonderful guy, and I miss him to this day. He was murdered when he was 32. The same year my father was murdered. Did I mention that my daughter was 2 years old at that time? My husband #2 and my babies father and I had already been divorced for over a year. He loved women. —I suppose he loved me too, but I wasn’t into sharing my husband so I’ve been alone every since. ‘ 24 years in fact. I used to be okay looking, but the years have been hard on me. Without a man, who cares how fat you get. I’m now about 50 lbs overweight and look like a blimp. I don’t know, sometimes I think I should diet, but who the heck would care?

Everything just seems like such a bummer….work, home, pay the bills, try and help daughter pay some of her bills, clean house, work, home pay bills. Never ending and never fun….

Thanks for listening world…..


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