I am a disgrace and I am going to kill myself soon.

  March 6th, 2008 by mail704

I’m a student. all through high school and university and when I go around I am frequently approached by fairly attractive females. I send them all away because I am so frightened of them. The female teachers hit on me too as well as male homosexuals. I’ve never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin. I’ve spent a lot of time practising playing the guitar. Now I am pretty good. However I never go play for anyone because I’m so frightened. I played some songs for groups of people at school, college, in clubs etc. and was good. However I am just so frightened and shy that it’s unbearable. I am a weak coward, look, I could be going with dozens of attractive teenage virgins and be a minor rock star. But I am too afraid or I don’t want it, or something, I don’t understand. All I do is hide from the world in my room, eating bagfulls of candies and pissing my life away on the internet. What the fuck? I am a disgrace and I really hate and despise myself.

I decided I’m going to kick that shit, my addiction to sweets and the internet. I have 56 days until my birthday and 24 until I go away for a week trip with my university classes. Between the two I’m going to go jump off a high bridge near me. I have to do it. I can’t allow my pathetic disgrace of a life to continue like this with me hiding in dreams and fantasies and procrastination. I’m not going to eat anything and I will feel clean somehow, then if I have the courage to go jump I will feel satisfied.

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