I have OCD. I HATE IT!
Because of this I don’t “hang out” or have any real friends, so I spend most of my time by myself. I try to make friends but it is just awkward and people just accuse me of following them and tell me to go away. I’m just socially clueless. I try to fit in but then get made fun of for overdoing everything that EVERYBODY EXPECTED FROM ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! How do I please you people? I go on and on about my obsessions and other OCD-related crap. I just don’t get what people want to hear and want from me. I could do something the exact same as someone else but get yelled at or mocked for it when it is THE SAME THING THE OTHER PERSON DID! WHAT’S THE DEAL? I don’t know when to stop talking about something and people make fun of my lack of social competency. I also have no idea how people figure this out or get into stuff, like a sport. I seem to have evolved into my own world.
I try to get into sports and every time I get yelled at for doing nothing because of an underlying fear that even I am not sure of. I am criticized for lacking personality but people for the most part like me.
It is just those that don’t that hurts.
It makes me look like a freak.
My knee injury makes me look like a freak.
I am an inactive waste of space.
It makes me do everything “weird” or “poorly” and have every negative quality there is.
I hate my looks, voice, laugh and everything else possible. I am defective in every way.
Because of it, everybody hates me and looks down on me and talks down to and about me as well. I was my eighth grade class freak. I draw pictures on my computer of killing myself and others. I can only dream…for now.
I get called “creepy” and accused of “following” people because of my stupid OCD I can’t figure out how to have a conversation or make friends. And therefore, everybody looks down on me as a complete defective waste of human flesh. I hate everyone who has ever lived, is living and will ever live. Everybody thinks I’m a huge loser and makes fun of me. I am the biggest freak ever, and I mean EVER. I rank below you and everyone else. Ask anybody.
Nobody even comments on this crap so why even write it? I have no place in this world because of my OCD, knee injury and asthma so I should just die like everybody wants me to. I need to stop wasting space that could be taken up by a real person who actually matters. All I ever talk about is my stupid obsessions and random crap so everybody would just laugh if I died. I’m a walking defect and should just shoot myself or burn myself alive. This is why I basically don’t talk to anybody and sit by myself all the time.
Everybody is better than me and I desperately want to leave the world that doesn’t want me. Everyone would be so happy that I killed myself and went away as I have been told to do so many times. I am an annoying loser piece of junk who should do the world a favor and depart from it.
Help me. And please none of this God or Jesus crap. I’m an agnostic/atheist because that stupid religion b.s. has never helped me at all. Just tell me what to do. Anyone.