Hanging On By A Thread…

Just as the title of my post indicates … I am hanging by a thread. I’m well aware I suffer from bipolar disorder, which ranges from mild to moderate to (at times) severe. How I’ve lasted this long amazes me. I know I need help, and that help is out there … but seemingly only for those that can afford to pay for it. I’m not among those fortunate enough to be able to do so. Every single day is a struggle to survive, and taking it one day at a time is all I can do. I went to the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health Arcadia Mental Health Clinic and asked for help honestly, but it was denied to me because I wouldn’t agree to jump on the welfare train as was suggested. I don’t need welfare! I need to see a Psychiatrist who will work with me and get me on the right medication, and of course prescribe it for me. Why go on welfare if I don’t need it??? It’s to get stable on the right medication and take back my life from this bipolar disorder that I need…

If I were to put in writing here that I’ve not had thoughts of suicide, I’d be a liar. I am having and have had (lately) those thoughts. But I’m still hanging on by a thread…

Each morning when I awaken, I have to really force myself to get out of bed and get going…

Anybody that’s been in a similar situation like mine knows just what it’s like…

There’s a lot of great material out there (online) about getting help for bipolar disorder, thoughts of suicide, etc … and that’s well and good certainly. But what is there for people like me??? People that know they need help and want to help themselves, but don’t have the means to pay for it??? All of the written material that’s out there is ueless when it comes to that, except that it makes for good reading perhaps…

If it gets that bad, I can always call 911 and tell them I’m suicidal … then of course I’d get all the help I need and probably some I wouldn’t, but yet when I go and honestly ask for it I can’t get it. Am I missing something???