i made a mistake

i know so much. i know things that my boss did, that are wrong, but i have no proof, and his victims will not speak. i try so hard. all i want is to be a superhero and do the right thing i just want to live a life like in the comic books. to fight crime. i think that is how i will die, saving someone, because jesus said there is no greater act than to lay down your life for somone else. i am crying, i have a gun and i really want to use it on me. i want to die, the pain is so bad. i can’t take this life, when all you want to do is help others and do the right thing and you are stuck. too weak to do anything. i hate this world so much. i want to save it. i know i can. i would be a great superhero, but sadly, i have no power, no skill, no resources, just a dream. what does that make me? a wanna-be, nothing more. my pain is great please god, let me know you are here please!!! i don’t know how much longer i can go on. i can not talk to anybody. i want help. but i can’t get any, it will destroy me. i know it will. i don’t want pills to rule my life, i want to be happy on my own terms and will never give up, but part of me has i i want to follow that part forever. give up. i . want. death. take my pain away. help, i can’t stop crying.