MY DREEM IS NEAR why do i fear

babay im writing this to all and none as i search for the reason of my depression and my hate as my family has killed me off why should i wait i want to do the dirty deed but i cannot as i surely need the life i breath and the kiss i take your the one who keeps me awake im so lost in my deepression as i get all lost in life i hav elost my jkob my family and some friends i need to take some time and make amenze i wish to end it al my life my heart my pain is bad i have causee dundo anger and shame upon me but ewhy is it that i cvant be be mu=yself is a total jerk as i want to jsut end it all and have no qiurks i need you in myu life and someday we will be husband and wife as i reach out to al of the above you ar my calling that keeps me happy as im saD KEEPS ME HAPPAY AND SO GLAD BUT DEEP INSIDE I HAVE THIS PAIN ITS EATING AZT ME ONCED again i feel th eurge to end it asl if i dont i will fall fall into a deeep hole all i need now is time and to get my own two feet underneath me pleae bare with me in this flight soon one day in our time we will find our husband and wife to be well w quite a life i need to close these dorrs behind if i dont it will ruinmy mind im so hurt and full of pain will i evr smoke pot again NO is my answer and i do need your love!!!!! i have hurt aot in the last dseveral weeks including myself but im still here as i found this site maybe why it why i write as long as i type im stil here but remebr babay im your for infinity for some have loved and somem have lost but lemme tell yas im so lost in your arms i need to be pleasee hunny i t will be i need time to get this outta my head as i almost did what i w once said to sit and so what i bbeen thinking its so bad im remorsefullt thinkin to end my lkife it can tbe done as im afraind to loose you and my son the wif ei broke her heart but me and you will nevr part i camr here with a bad thing in mind but i think i have cleard it from my energy as my heart babay i need you so we need a fresh start 050710 is the date so true babay i need to get this al lbehind me if i ned to go forwards i klove yiu but i hate my life but i have decided its not the way to go as im loved and so im told all i need ai a lil time so please bare with me on this crime the crime i have comited is im afraid but babay i know now what i need to say I LOVE YOU fromn the time we met once in rlc and then we met omg your a hot likl thing its why i have endured so much pain to be without is poain in itseself but babay i need asome time by myself not just from you and life itself i need to figure out all the problems inmy life before yiu can evr be my wife i so chicken i cant do this deed as i came here lookin for seed a waty to end it all is not the answer as i read many a blogs and i found the answer its life i need to keep me cleanand free not the booze and the stinkin weed im soirry i brought yoiu here im reaching out to all above and near the ppeople who read this blog if ya know me im not a smart person in aneducated way but i do know LOVE in each and evry way to end my ties with you is death that is whay i need a rest to come to termsa with what ive done ti life and i have none no job no family is near as thay all abanded me far and near i come to you in loving arms BABY please understand i need the time ti cope the time to heal as when we get together imma make ya squeel i hurt so bad the pain is terruble my lkifes gooteeenall messed up from me and wel as far as i can see i see you in the future and on the day we have made it will be a sun in my shade as the darkness comes to near i run and i so do fear but i run into your arms at night and bbaay its a great bright site your love has opened my eyes its as clear as ya big blue eyes im gonna hide fer a day or two just to let the clouds move thru as i sit and tyupe it takes my pain away so for all ya ppl that are here to stay dont do it it will cease aS YA LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN YA DECIECED babaY I LOVE YOU MORTE N LIFE ITSELF I WILL REYTUIRN IN A FOCE AS YOU KNOW AS THE SOD THAT I BEEN TOLD FOR ITS ME FROM HEAD TO TOE BABAY I NEED YOU IN rl AND IN MY ARMS but before i do this i neeed to close the doors and locjk the windows as i need you in my arms and under the pillows bbay i feel somucjh bete rrnow if ay coulda seen my comment on the “”IM SORRY BLG””: omg i let it all hang out maybve that person wills sc ream and shout as i have posted this in here i have shed more than one tear if they are sweet and polite they will post my comments for evryones sight so please me or mrs im sorry please post my comment i sent ya for all to read its the one thing i need its the seed in my life and i surely my dreemy to see as i hit enter it all dissaaperaed from my sight and im kinda sorry i lost the text but pleas please show the reast i type like this as i shed more tears and i know why not babay its my pain is clear my depression got the best of me and im gonna climb under my rock to be r free i will be ok as they have helped the tears subside as i start to shakle please baby i wil lnot be awake tonight when ya return from work i wil lbe sleepin and not a jerk i will wakjke tomorow with a fresh brain to see how all my love for you is in front of me CINDY I LOVE YOU PLEASE UNDERSTAND gimme a lil sp[ace and a cpl days its all i ak for my peace of mind isnt it beetr than loosin me for all time?? i need not knwo whay i cam erhere but something saoid reach out and not fear it hasd helped cham ge my mind babay im real all the time i need maybe some meds to clerar it up but i know ones things fer sure ya can fill my cup with love and happiness and all that i need you the one whom i fell and thas fer sure in deed please me or mrs sorry blog writer post my coments for my true love to read as she the one whom i do surely NEED I LOVE YA BABAY050710 your looving husband to be sod is at it by the tree i shal sleep as im so tired i need thid if im evr gonna get hired muah babay i love ya so i love ya so im with you to stay just pleae gimme some space i wont go away LOVER YOU SOD