ready to die

i am a married white male 47 years old married for 24 years or so been with my wife for 26 or 27 years. have a first grandchild on the way (its a girl). but i am thinking i wont be around to see her.but its ok . i did my best raiseing 3 sons none of which can even stand to be around me. all in all i am not that bad of a person but people precieve me that way.had one affair on my wife . she would have you believe it was 7-8 but its just not true.i lost one week of my life when i over dosed on prescription drugs and was in the ICU didnt even realize where i was till 9 days later. to bad it didnt end there.just filed for bankruptcy wife thinks its so i can get a divorce but its to protect her and the kids before its all over. noone is to blame but me. i will be happier being reunited with bear. its sad to be this alone when you helped anyone that ever needed it in your life.my deepest regret is that my mom and dad will have to bury a childits true the saying that you always hurt the ones you love. my biggest problem is not knowing how to go about it. i have looked it up on the internet at s-u-i-c-i-d-e .com and it looks like the car is the easiest way.running a pipe from the exhaust not jumping out in front of anyone. dont what them to suffer .